Post # 1
Bees, I am starting to feel so stressed about my wedding and a lot of the stress is coming from people. Whether it’s a bridesmaid completely letting me down or guests questioning/disliking our decision not to invite +1’s for singels.
Most of the stress is coming from tying to please people and make everyone happy and its exhausting me. Basically I cannot give everyone exactly what they want and I am not going to, but it makes me so unhappy that I can’t. How do I get over it???!!!!
I just want to scream, WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT!!!!! (or can afford to want, for that matter)
Post # 3
@WillowH: I can completely understand. There have been just a few times that I’ve wanted to scream, wanted to break down, and it was all because of others. Unless they’ve planned a wedding, they aren’t going to understand it.
You have to just lay down the law, and what you want (and can afford) for your wedding and tell people that’s how it has to be. Try your best not to feel bad about it and get stressed.
There really isn’t much else you can do, honestly. Let them bitch. They’ll get over it. They have to.
Sorry, I know it can suck! Hope it gets better for ya!
(Also, find a couple allies who understand (your Fiance, a BFF), they can help be a buffer between you and these peeps)
Post # 4
I think it’s important to remember that you are making the decisions and you don’t have to justify those decisions to your guests. If they have a problem with something, they’re free to RSVP no. And if they’re the kind of people to refuse to come to your wedding because you didn’t give plus one or whatever, you’re better off without them there, because they don’t really get what a wedding is about.
Best advice I have, be polite but firm and show no weakness. If you seem unsure or like you might change your mind, people will push. Come up with a simple explanation, so that when people call and ask for an exception, you’re prepared. Like “No, I’m sorry, our venue can’t accomodate any more.” Or “No, I’m sorry, a six hour open bar is out of our budget.” Whatever fits in a short sentence, since it really isn’t the business of the guest anyway. Don’t waver, and don’t go overboard justifying.
Post # 5
Wow bees, sooooo hard for me to firm, but thank you for the advice, it also answerd a question i was stuggeling with today,I would love to give one of our guests a plus one, she does not know a lot of ppl at the wedding, but she does know some ppl. Anyhow, I am not giving any singel ppl +1, but she really wanted one. BUT, I have to go with the logic of what counts for one guest must count for another, am I right? I cant stray from my logic there! My hearts wants to, but fair is fair.
Post # 6
I’m sure it isn’t what you want to hear, but in my opinion all guests over 18 should have the right to bring a date. If that means inviting less people that is the route I’d go before I made people come alone.
Like I said, not what you want to hear, but it is my opinion. Sorry about the Bridesmaid or Best Man that flaked out.
Post # 7
I’ve learned from all my wedding planning, that you will never please everyone. Our wedding day is about us and our significant others, not about our guests or the people who want to make us feel bad. I also learned people’s true colors come out in all this, and some people are VERY selfish when it comes to YOUR big day. Just don’t let too much get to you, I did and had a break down, I am better now because the people that matter agree with my planning and listen to all my dumb issues!
Post # 8
glorfin : Thank you for your opinion and going against the stream here, I personally do not agree with you, but admire ppl who speak their opinions. We had some hard decisions to make when we did the invites, mid-way through the wedding planning my mother told me that she could not contibute any longer, so we are paying ourselves and want people there that we love and matter, not strangers. That was our reasoning.
funkyone8604: Selfishness is something that I am so aware of lately. It is really sad how self-absorbed ppl can act. I do not expect ppl to be selfless at all, just respect our wishes, but I guess thats too much to ask. And you are so right, there are ppl who are great and supportive and one should really focus on them! 🙂 trying hard to!
Post # 9
I was so doing this yesterday! I was like “WHAT ABOUT ME!?” How about all those people with their opinions who havent’ done jack for us so far and suddenly 6 weeks til the Big Day are putting their 2 cents in just shove it? LOL. I’m learning how to become really hard when it comes to making little exceptions here and there for everyone (which leads to big exceptions later on). Like we were taught in school, Just Say No!
Post # 10
@WillowH: I have the same problem, others are tying to push me into things that I dont want or that are too expensive. You have to remember that this is you and your fiance’s wedding. Also, remember that most of the time people are saying things because they think that they are helping you. Take in their suggestions but make sure that you and your fiance have the final say. Dont be pressured into things that you dont want. These other people may have already had their chance with their weddings, or they may get their chance in the future.
Post # 11
Fiance and I told each other in the beginning that we are trying to please his stepfamily, his biological family, and my family…so there is NO WAY that we can please everyone in 3 families. We are doing what we can afford and what we WANT. If someone does not like our decisions as to where it is being held, what type of cermony, whether or not we invite children…then they are no obligated to show up. Just RSVP no.
That being said, we are trying to do a few things that will incorporate our family traditions/things that would mean a lot to them. But there are some things that we are putting our feet down about – such as the guest list (noone is bullying us into inviting anyone that we are not comfortable with), location, wedding party, and the type of ceremony. You just have to know what you are going to put you foot down about, and that’s that. People can either respect it and suck it up for ONE DAY, or they don’t have to come. I know it sounds harsh, but stand up for yourself. You can do it. Just decide with your Fiance what is negotiable and what is not…and stand by it.
Post # 12
HUbs and I made a decision that if people were single a year before our wedding, they were not getting a plus 1. We were paying for the wedding, and we needed to save money where we could. Plus, all of these people were friends with most of the people there, so its not like they didn’t know anyone. I was just honest and up front and said sorry, but no you aren’t bringing anyone. Our friends understood, and we only got flack from one person, who I basically said if you don’t like it then don’t come. You have no idea how expensive weddings are
Post # 13
I so feel you! I am in the same boat. At this point I am going to start letting people know that the wedding is about my future husband and I and not them.
Post # 14
I am feeling a bit better today, all of you giving me permission to put my foot down is reassuring! 🙂 I guess it boils down to the fact that every singel person has his/her own opinion about how a wedding should be (as all ppl have opinions on, well, everything) and you should not let it get to you! Which is sooooooo hard, but here is to trying! 🙂 good luck to all the bees struggling with this, its a hard one!
Post # 15
Being firm is so hard for me too. Practice it by yourself and with your Fiance so that you can sound confident when you say it. Take turns being annoying Aunt Velma who wants you to change your entire menu to accomodate uncle Vernon’s false teeth, and your slutty second-cousin who’s going to call three days before the wedding and insist on a plus one for the guy she met in a club last weekend. 🙂
It’s a lot easier to handle these things when you’re prepared; it’s much easier to accidently promise something or be guilted into agreeing to something when you’re blindsided.
Post # 16
I understand completely what you mean. People can be SO RUDE with their demands, and completley forget that somebody has to pay for everything, plus it’s YOUR wedding and you should have it your way. Just tell them to GTF!!!!