Post # 31
hallowbee : Thanks for answering. So in general you know where your life is heading? Careerwise etc?
If that’s the case try to visualize yourself in some years, when you achieved some of your goals, can you imagine yourself with him? I don’t know if those are things you’d like to have in the future, but can you imagine marrying him? Having kids with him? Be at the age of your parents or grandparents with him?
Post # 32
I have a stable career that is still growing but i am financially secure and could definitely afford to start thinking about life beyond work. There are other things i think I’d like to try/get more fulfillment in but overall, I’m in a great direction. I travel frequently, have a good job that I love, have the opportunity to learn and grow, etc.
tough to say – I did use to imagine getting married to him, and in fact this time last year after we came out of our rut, very much wanted to get married! But I’m not sure if that’s just because he’s all i know or if that’s because it’s what i really want – I still love coming home to him. Still love traveling together, hanging out, doing mundane things, etc.
I cant imagine having kids with him, but I’m not 100% sure i want kids. What i do know is that after getting to know the other person (I know, bad comparison) is that i said to myself “huh – i could imagine having kids with this guy.” That was a HUGE red flag to me. But now makes me think to myself that i want to be so freaking in love with someone that that unique person makes me want to have that with them. Is that weird logic? I never even considered it an option before.
I’m not sure I ever imagined us at 80 – maybe just didn’t think that far ahead? He says he’s always known he “wants to grow old with me,” and all I can think of is that I just can’t imagine life without him… but no specific details. I can say that I cant imagine celebrating holidays without him. Those are important to us.
and thank YOU for responding back!!!
Post # 33
hallowbee : What i do know is that after getting to know the other person (I know, bad comparison) is that i said to myself “huh – i could imagine having kids with this guy.” That was a HUGE red flag to me. But now makes me think to myself that i want to be so freaking in love with someone that that unique person makes me want to have that with them. Is that weird logic? I never even considered it an option before.
Having those thoughts is pretty common in my opinion. It’s normal to compare, to find someone else attractive, to dream about exes, to dream about other men or to be aware that there might be other potential partners out there. If you have a different concept about love, those thoughts can make you feel very bad.
Another thing that those lines make me think is that you struggle with the fact that there doesn’t exist 100% certainty. You imagine that if you’d have those strong feelings of loving someone than it would bring you certainty. But honestly and despite of what the media is showing us, for a lot of persons this isn’t very realistic once they’re through the honeymoon phase.
The fear of settling down is real and unfortunately, we can’t hand over the decision of whether it’s justified or if we have to consciously work through it, to someone else.
In the end, I can’t tell you if you have to stay or if you have to leave, but I hope those inputs may help you exploring the situation a bit more.
Post # 34
hallowbee : Part of the reason you can’t imagine life without him is because he has been in your life for so long, but that doesn’t mean this is the right relationship for you.
To answer your question: No I didn’t. I was confident enough to recognize that he inherently lacked the capacity to become the type of person and create the type of connection I wanted. I also knew I was better off finding it myself with someone else than attempting to construct a facsimile with him.