Post # 1
So I have noticed a lot of posts on bridal party etiquette and I always feel nuts afterwards. I really just want some other brides out there who feel the same… I know everyone is from a different area/culture/etc… but still
In my neck of the woods if you agree to be a bridesmaid there are a few things you are also agreeing to…. they are…
1. You buy your own dress, and shoes. Usually part of the gift from the bride is some sort of accessory.. which she will tell you “do not buy a necklace..etc”. If she does not state that, we also buy our own.
2. You plan and pay for both the bridal shower and bachelorette parties. And any other activities that go with them… funny lingerie, decorations, etc.
3. You buy the bride and groom a gift from the registry… usually one of the more expensive ones as the gift is “split” between all the bridesmaids.
4. You pay for your own hair and makeup. The bride does her best to make it as low cost as possible, but it is her day and we just go along with it!
5. You give an additional gift at the wedding. Just like everyone else who paid for a bridal shower gift. Come on… in what world do you not give a gift AT the wedding because you gave a gift AT a shower (I know, I’m going to get yelled at for this, but really, in my mind, COME ON!!)
6. If the bride requests, you stay with her the night before.
Any one else out there follow the same rules? I never even IMAGINED of some of the “bridal party does not pay for etc….” rules when I first joined the Bee. It was always yes I love you and want to be a part of your day.. but by saying yes I also know I am speding at least 700 if not more. If I can not pay that… I say NO. Or “I would love to but I dont know if I can budget it right now”.
Phew, rant over…
Post # 3
@JessSeny: Girl, you know I’m on the same page as you! We might be crazy though… *cue the snark*
Post # 4
Where I’m from it’s generally the same as what you described. I have read some crazy demands and not enough demands from brides here on the bee. meh. I keep with the socially accepted traditions and realize its gonna be different everywhere.
Post # 5
@JessSeny: I agree with you 100%. I never heard of a bride paying for dresses, hair, makeup, etc. until I joined the Bee!
Post # 6
For the most part, it’s the same way around here. Some people do pay for their BMs dress, shoes, hair/make-up, etc…but not normally. I’m planning to pay for my BMs hair to be done at the venue, but everything else is up to them.
I don’t really like all these “rules” either…what’s socially acceptable in my circle, may not be acceptable in someone else’s.
What really gets to me is when someone on the bee asks about doing a Honeymoon Registry and they get jumped on for how “rude” that is. FI and I are doing one, and everyone thinks it’s awesome!
Post # 7
Right! Other than the extreme… like $300 bridesmaid dresses, or the bride offering to pay to help (which I think all brides want to do if in budget), I just could not get over some of the posts about bridesmaids not wanting to pay for things. Or thinking it was “rude” to ask to pay $60 for hair or makeup. What were you expecting? I just dont get it…
Post # 8
I agree with you! While it’s nice that people try to help their bridesmaids as much as possible with $$, I think people should assume that they’ll have to pay for some things themselves. It’s probably all about where people live.. but where I’m from, we all pay our own way.
Post # 9
That’s how it is by me too. Every time I agree to be in a bridal party I expect to buy my own dress, shoes, and pay for hair and make up. I also expect to pitch in for a shower and bachelorette party and buy presents. Also, I always get jewelry to wear to the wedding as my only present. This has always been perfectly fine to me. It wasn’t until joining the bee that I found out that this is apparently not normal.
Post # 10
It depends on where you are from, what is the norm, etc. I have always expected to pay for everything for my BMs, and FI for his GMs, I believe it should be calculated as part of the overall budget, along with cake, photography, etc. But I know that’s not the same everywhere 🙂
Post # 11
Although I do agree with most of the “rules”, it would be a shame if a good friend could not be a bridesmaid simply because she is not rich enough to pay for all these things that the bride demands. I had a bridesmaid who did not have very much money, but I still wanted her to be a part of the day so I payed for her makeup and did her hair myself, plus she didn’t come to the bach party. But I’m glad she was up there with me on the wedding day and represented her support for my marriage. That’s what mattered to me in the end. <3
Post # 12
@sommertime: But its not a “demand” IMO. Its just what you know you are responsible for paying. And if anyone said to me “I can’t afford it” I obviously would do everything in my power to help out.
Post # 13
I completely agree! To me, that is all common sense! I joined the bee and I felt like I’d been raised the wrong way, that everything I knew was wrong!
I don’t really understand why the bride should be expected to pay for the hair, makeup, dress, etc. If I threw a general formal event and wanted my best friends to help out and be there for me, I wouldn’t pay for them to get dressed up. If I threw a themed costume party where everyone had to dress up a certain way, I wouldn’t pay for their costumes. I don’t understand why it’s so frowned upon. To me, it makes sense.
Post # 14
Heck no, I don’t follow all those rules.
I have never paid for a hairdo or makeup artist in my life and I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that.
I refuse to wear uncomfortable shoes so there are a lot of shoes that I would not wear, let alone buy. I’m happy to find shoes in a bride’s chosen color range, but personally I wouldn’t expect color-matched shoes from my bridesmaids.
I do think bridesmaids should try to throw a pre-wedding party for the bride. The type and size of party is up to them though, and it doesn’t have to be more than one.
You get one gift from each person/couple, and you shouldn’t judge them based on what you think it cost. If they buy you more, they’re going over and above. Not even touching the whole registry / dictating gifts aspect of this.
Post # 15
What is everyone’s opinion about bridesmaids for a destination wedding? I’m having my wedding in Hawaii and I am thankful that all of my bridesmaids are willing to save time and money to attend my wedding next year. Since they are paying for travelling expenses and making the time to be there, I really don’t expect any gifts from anyone in the wedding party or the attendees. Am I crazy for feeling that way? In my culture, the couple usually receives money instead of actual gifts and a destination wedding is truly out of the norm. I think the people that really care about us will make an effort to fly out there to be there on our special day, which is why I don’t expect anymore gifts.
As for hair, make-up, dresses, etc… I want my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (one that I will choose at a reasonable price), shoes, and make-up but I was thinking I would pay for their hair since none of us are exactly hair gurus. Thoughts?
Post # 16
@pollychai: I think that is reasonable. For a destination wedding, I think my rules are different. They are putting out expenses above and beyond to be there so I also agree I would not give a gift in that sense. I would just be careful where you go.. your not going to be able to have a trial. Just make sure there are places you can get your hair done where you are. Some resports do have spa’s but they may be CRAZY expensive so make sure you research!