(Closed) Feeling CRAZY… anyone else?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@JessSeny:  Girl, you know I’m on the same page as you!  We might be crazy though… Wink  *cue the snark*

Post # 4
6042 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Where I’m from it’s generally the same as what you described. I have read some crazy demands and not enough demands from brides here on the bee. meh. I keep with the socially accepted traditions and realize its gonna be different everywhere.

Post # 5
3783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@JessSeny:  I agree with you 100%. I never heard of a bride paying for dresses, hair, makeup, etc. until I joined the Bee!

Post # 6
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

For the most part, it’s the same way around here.  Some people do pay for their BMs dress, shoes, hair/make-up, etc…but not normally.  I’m planning to pay for my BMs hair to be done at the venue, but everything else is up to them.  

I don’t really like all these “rules” either…what’s socially acceptable in my circle, may not be acceptable in someone else’s.

What really gets to me is when someone on the bee asks about doing a Honeymoon Registry and they get jumped on for how “rude” that is.  FI and I are doing one, and everyone thinks it’s awesome!

Post # 8
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JessSeny:  +1 

I agree with you! While it’s nice that people try to help their bridesmaids as much as possible with $$, I think people should assume that they’ll have to pay for some things themselves. It’s probably all about where people live.. but where I’m from, we all pay our own way.

Post # 9
7119 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

That’s how it is by me too. Every time I agree to be in a bridal party I expect to buy my own dress, shoes, and pay for hair and make up. I also expect to pitch in for a shower and bachelorette party and buy presents. Also, I always get jewelry to wear to the wedding as my only present. This has always been perfectly fine to me. It wasn’t until joining the bee that I found out that this is apparently not normal.

Post # 10
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

It depends on where you are from, what is the norm, etc. I have always expected to pay for everything for my BMs, and FI for his GMs, I believe it should be calculated as part of the overall budget, along with cake, photography, etc. But I know that’s not the same everywhere 🙂

Post # 11
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Although I do agree with most of the “rules”, it would be a shame if a good friend could not be a bridesmaid simply because she is not rich enough to pay for all these things that the bride demands.  I had a bridesmaid who did not have very much money, but I still wanted her to be a part of the day so I payed for her makeup and did her hair myself, plus she didn’t come to the bach party.  But I’m glad she was up there with me on the wedding day and represented her support for my marriage.  That’s what mattered to me in the end. <3

Post # 13
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I completely agree! To me, that is all common sense! I joined the bee and I felt like I’d been raised the wrong way, that everything I knew was wrong! 

I don’t really understand why the bride should be expected to pay for the hair, makeup, dress, etc. If I threw a general formal event and wanted my best friends to help out and be there for me, I wouldn’t pay for them to get dressed up. If I threw a themed costume party where everyone had to dress up a certain way, I wouldn’t pay for their costumes. I don’t understand why it’s so frowned upon. To me, it makes sense.

Post # 14
466 posts
Helper bee

Heck no, I don’t follow all those rules.

I have never paid for a hairdo or makeup artist in my life and I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect that.

I refuse to wear uncomfortable shoes so there are a lot of shoes that I would not wear, let alone buy. I’m happy to find shoes in a bride’s chosen color range, but personally I wouldn’t expect color-matched shoes from my bridesmaids.

I do think bridesmaids should try to throw a pre-wedding party for the bride. The type and size of party is up to them though, and it doesn’t have to be more than one.

You get one gift from each person/couple, and you shouldn’t judge them based on what you think it cost. If they buy you more, they’re going over and above. Not even touching the whole registry / dictating gifts aspect of this.

Post # 15
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

What is everyone’s opinion about bridesmaids for a destination wedding? I’m having my wedding in Hawaii and I am thankful that all of my bridesmaids are willing to save time and money to attend my wedding next year. Since they are paying for travelling expenses and making the time to be there, I really don’t expect any gifts from anyone in the wedding party or the attendees. Am I crazy for feeling that way? In my culture, the couple usually receives money instead of actual gifts and a destination wedding is truly out of the norm. I think the people that really care about us will make an effort to fly out there to be there on our special day, which is why I don’t expect anymore gifts.

As for hair, make-up, dresses, etc… I want my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses (one that I will choose at a reasonable price), shoes, and make-up but I was thinking I would pay for their hair since none of us are exactly hair gurus. Thoughts?

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