Post # 1
This weekend I found out Darling Husband and my mom have been texting and emailing pretty regularly. I’m glad he gets a long with my mom and I have no problem with him having a relationship with her. But some of the things they’ve been talking about really hurt my feelings.
1. Mom emailed Darling Husband to ask his opinion on a Christmas gift for my brother. Normally she would talk to me out stuff like that. Buying presents is the one thing about Christmas that I truly love and I feel like I’m being pushed out of having any input there. I know she has every right to talk to him about whatever she wants, but I just feel hurt that she didn’t even mention it to me at all.
2. Darling Husband has a text conversation with my mom about how he wanted us to join a church (background: I am adamantly not religious and he is Hindu), but I didn’t want to. He went on to explain that he wants to join a Catholic church so our (future) children will be “spiritual”. He has never discussed any of this with me. If he had, I would have told him that I am not religious for a reasona and that he should respect that. Since my mom is Catholic and Darling Husband knows this, I feel like this conversation is him trying to fight dirty over the issue.
I realize neither of these is a huge deal, but I just can’t help feeling hurt.
What’s your take of this situation? Am I overreacting? Should I say something to Darling Husband or my mom?
Post # 3
I think it’s good that they get along. I do think you’re over-reacting just a tad. Take the initiative and start speaking to your mother about certain topics that you two talk about. Or have the same conversations with your Darling Husband. I’m sure neither of them are excluding you on purpose. Good luck!
Post # 4
@msfahrenheit: I don’t think you’re overreacting because your feelings should be totally valid. However, I doubt that your Fiance and mother know how this is bothering you. I would talk to your SO and tell him how it means so much to you that he is close with your mother, but you would really appreciate if he would talk to you about important matters such as those involving religion with you first. Without being accusatory, ask him why he talked to her about it instead of you.
Post # 5
You are entitled to feel however you feel. In the first instance, had you thought that your Mom may be trying to include your Fiance and make him feel a part of the family? In the second situation your Fiance knows your position and may just be trying to gain points with your Mom.
It would be nice for him to talk about this with you, but have you been amenable to discussions about religion in the past? Or does he feel he can’t talk about it with you?
Have a chat with him and discuss both the religion thing and having these discussions as a couple.
Post # 6
If they talk regularly, I’m sure many of these things just come up in conversation right? I mean, its not like they are purposely trying to hurt you. Perhaps your mom thought another guy would have better perspective on what your brother would want. And since you are not religious, perhaps its easier to talk to her about things like that. I do agree that he should not be going behind your back and try to team up on you with her though about anything so he needs to tread carefully on that topic.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice ladies. I really appreciate getting unbiased viewpoints.
@julies1949 You are probably right about the first the situation. I didn’t think of that.
Post # 8
I don’t think they are trying to upset you. You should talk to them about how you feel, and I’m sure they’re gonna include you more in the future.
In the gift situation your mom probably just wanted a male opinion? And the other one – maybe Darling Husband wanted to see what it was all about first and thought if he brought it up it’d be a big deal? That’s not to say his behaviour was right, but that it’s a simple miscommunication, not a plot to push you out of the family 🙂
I hope you talk to them soon 🙂
Post # 9
How did you find this out? I really have to say that you sound more jealous than hurt by something that most people would be happy about~their new spouse becoming closer to a family member (and especially your Mom). No matter what they’ve discussed, why read more into it than there really is? What could you possibly say to either of them? You can’t text each other or talk unless I’m present?
Post # 10
I think you are overreacting. There are much much bigger things to worry about and pick fights over than this.