- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I just want to share and vent a bit….since I probably wont hurt anyone’s feelings here….So here goes….
My fiance and I just got un-officially engaged???!……Doesn’t make any sense, right? That’s because he hasn’t proposed officially and I don’t have a ring yet.
A month ago we attended a friends wedding that I tried my hardest to avoid but couldn’t. So there we were and so were all our Married friends. And of course what does your “married” friends like to do if you are not? Right you are! They ask you, “So you’ve been living together for 5 years huh? When’s the date?”…..And that Ladies was the reason why I didn’t want to attend the wedding! Why? Because it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward with my sort of Fiance. Not because i don’t want to marry him, I do want to….but I didn’t want him to feel pressured to ask me (plus I’ve always dreaded wedding planning)…..It took all I had to be very aware to avoid that type of conversation trap the entire time we were there. I was so relieved that before I knew it, the reception was over and we were on our 8 hour drive home.
And that’s when he says to me out of no where, “So when do you want to get married?”. I was so quiet for a while that he actually turned to me and said, “Babe, Did you hear what I said?”. I was caught off guard and all i could say was, “Yeah, ummm, I dunno?”…..we talked about it for an hour, he did most of the talking since he’s been married once before (10 years ago) and I haven’t got a clue about weddings.
My mistake in all this was mentioning this conversation we had with his Aunt/Mom who I’m pretty close to since my family members are all 8 hours away from me. Bless her heart, she’s got a big one…..but I think all she heard in the whole conversation was, “Fiance wants to get married” and the next thing I knew his ENTIRE family are all under the impression that Fiance has asked officially.
OH What A Mess! Talk about awkward! Really awkward! And because it was my big mouth that started this I did the only thing I could. I told Fiance that we should sit everyone down and tell them it was a misunderstanding and we were only talking about it.
Fiance: “No we don’t have to do that, we can get married next year”
Me: “No, I don’t want you to feel like you HAVE to do this”
Fiance: “We would eventually get married anyway”
Me: “ok, if you say so”
That conversation was before he realized how much weddings cost these days. AND how many Family and Friends he needs to invite. Personally, I want a small wedding, 100 people or less. Less is better. We had to change venue’s due to the size of our guestlist (my family & guest=50, Fiance’s family & guest = 175).
The first venue we looked at was his choice, at a really beautifull Golf course. He loved it and untill he realized it would cost us $36k to have the wedding there, his words exactly, “WHAT?!! that’s a lot of money!”…….So I looked and looked because he doens’t have the patience to look himself and I found the most affordable venue in our area and he says to this one, “WHAT?!! that’s still a lot of money!”….It’s $10K less and it is including EVERYTHING!!!
We are supposed to go over the reservation contract tomorrow with the venue…..But I am not as excited as i thought I would be about it all. I’m disappointed in my family for not cooperating with me and being a pain about a visit trip to our house, so that Fiance could ask my Dad for his permission. Fiance wanted my family to visit us because he wants them to see our beautifull new house that we bought last year. I feel like i’m coordinating my engagement and it’s irritating me becuase neither my family or Fiance are willing to budge.
My Family always call me for help with money, sometimes, that is the only reason they call me……which makes me so Grrrrr….because they are acting like I’ve asked them to donate an internal organ or something.
We are supposed to visit my family first weekend of Nov to attend my nephew’s b-day party. Fiance is possiblly thinking of asking my Dad then and possibly going to E-Ring shopping….Maybe!
I’m thinking of talking to Fiance tonight about calling off the unofficial engagement……this whole thing kinda left a bad taste in my mouth….i realize this is partially my fault, but i just feel so fed up about it.
What do you think Bees?