Feeling disconnected from and rejected by core friend group

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
25 posts

It seems like your friends have caught a bout of “my lifestyle is the best lifestyle and anyone who lives or raises their children differently is living an inferior lifestyle”-itis. It turns people into insufferable douchebags and, like affluenza, there is no cure. You’re probably better off making new friends who aren’t so full of it. 

Post # 4
6770 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Friendships can ebb and flow. They seem in a different place right now, with more in common with one another and less with you, but give it five years and don’t be surprised if some of them are living in the suburbs, too. 

Next time chime in if you want to go to see the show!

Post # 6
1744 posts
Bumble bee

beebee1985 :  Maybe you’re more sensitive to what they’re saying about the suburbs vs the city because you’re a little insecure about it. The way you describe their lives sounds more exciting than when you describe yours. Are you a little bit jealous maybe? I don’t think they’re doing anything on purpose, but they see each other more often so they’re closer now. Also you being pregnant might make you more sensitive to minor changes and what not since you’re anticipating a huge change. I don’t know, I wouldn’t worry about it and just give it time. I agree with PP about them probably moving closer to you eventually.

Post # 8
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Don’t let their comments make you question your choices. If you’re happy in the suburbs, then rock it! FWIW, everyone has their own opinion, but I’m in the camp that suburbs are better for kids than cities. I’m with beethree though- give it a couple of years, and I’m sure more people will have moved your direction. I also might shoot them a quick text and ask if you’re invited to the show. That way, you can get an idea of what their mindset was when they didn’t include you. They would probably tell you that they hadn’t thought that you would want to come for the exact reasons you mentioned. My core group is important to me too, so I wouldn’t want to lose them over silliness! 

Post # 9
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I understand a bit of how you’re feeling. I think there are a few different ways you can handle it (keeping in mind that you’ll have a baby soon, so you likely won’t have much time to think about them!)

– next time they get stuck on themselves, you can laughingly say “Are you guys saying you won’t be driving out to visit me in the ‘burbs any time soon? Is that what I’m hearing?”

– check in with one (or several of them) just to see if something is up that you weren’t aware of.

– cut back on interactions with them

– ignore them when they do this and then turn the topic back to other things.

I moved someplace farther out than many of my friends and I’ve sometimes felt a little bummed about missing out on the fun activities they’re doing on the weekends. Depending on how I feel, I reach out to find out when the next gathering is (or just to let everyone know I’m thinking about them). Usually, something will happen soon thereafter that reminds me of why I’m happy with my decision (as you said- it helps to know that you’re ultimately happy with your choice).

I think the part that would be most bothersome is the blatantness of their rudeness and their lack of consideration for you, a friend. That would definitely make me want to reach out to someone, just to check in and get their perspective. I think they probably just got caught on a mental thread that they’ve done many times in the past and it didn’t occur to them that they were inadvertently dissing you and your husband.

Post # 10
83 posts
Worker bee

beebee1985 :  To quote Kenny Rogers, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.”

In this case, I’d walk.  There’s no need to burn bridges or make a huge deal out if it, but I’d permanently put these friendships on the back-burner.  When people show you who they are, listen.  There is never a reason to invite everyone at the table to an event, except for one couple, in front of that said couple.

You don’t need shallow people like this in your life, even if they all end up in the suburbs one day.  People like this are worthless as friends.  

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