(Closed) Feeling Disconnected

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Who says you need bridesmaids? If you’re not feeling that close to any of your friends anymore, do you really need them to be standing next to you on your wedding day? If you’re growing apart now, it might mean that in a few years you’ll have a completely new set of great friends and you’ll have wedding photos of you with people you hardly see.

If you do want some of these friends to be bridesmaids, maybe choose the 2 who are most interested. Unless you want 5 people i your bridal party, you’re going to end up leaving someone out, so there’s not much you can do.

Don’t stress or overthink it too much – I promise you won’t be ‘setting the tone’ for your friends and you shouldn’t feel pressure to start choosing bridesmaids just because others expect you to. Take all the time you want!

Post # 4
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, last night’s events could have been due to a lot of things. You yourself might be feeling different and uncomfortable about being the first one to be engaged (which might have triggered their reactions)…you might have just been having an “off night”…. It could be a lot of things. But I think it is tough when the first girl in a group of friends gets married. Us girls are so complicated!

I would not worry about picking everyone, or hurting people’s feelings. Maybe if you are equally friends with all of them, but how often does that happen? Pick the ones you love, and the ones you know will be supportive through the process. And remember, you don’t have to have bridesmaids.

Also your wedding is still pretty far away, so you might even want to wait to see how supportive people are before you ask them. Maybe just let everyone know, casually, that you are still talking with Fiance about how many people you want in the bridal party, or something like that. I picked mine way earlier (wedding not til Oct 2011) and while it’s worked out ok, there is one Bridesmaid or Best Man who freaks whenever I bring up anything about the wedding…not exactly what I was going for!

Post # 6
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That’s tough!

I know for me, it was really important that I include friends who I will still be close to ten, twenty years down the road. It made the choice harder in some ways, but it was also easy to look at some of my dinner-and-a-girly-movie friends and recognize that they’re probably not the ones to ask to stand up with me. Instead I went with an old roommate who I don’t see as often but who knows my heart and with whom I have amazing, deep, insightful conversations consistently. I also asked my best friend from senior year of high school, when J and I met. Her husband is J’s best friend/best man, and has been since high school (which is where we met – but we didn’t start dating until 8 years later) too, and she and I have always been pretty close; it seems only natural that we’ll still be friends with them down the road. And then I went with my closest cousin, the closest I’ve had to a sister!

Consider who you have the most lasting relationship with, not just who would expect it or who you’re most buddy-buddy with right now.

Post # 8
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

do you NEED a 5th? 4 is a pretty good number already!

Post # 10
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I bet your friends would be happy to help with stuff even without being asked! It sounds like they’re being helpful already. 🙂

Tell you what, I ALMOST asked another friend, but I decided to wait until closer to our wedding to ask anyone, and I’m sooooo glad I waited, because she’s been super flaky the past few months! I feel as though I dodged a bullet, to be honest.

Post # 12
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe offer them another position other than “bridesmaids”? Maybe you could make them honorary planners or something so that they’re not left out, but there isn’t a whole lot of drama. 🙂

Plus you could always give them a spot in your program and at your table. Just some food for thought.

 

Post # 14
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Make sure you let them know how valuable their help is and I think they’ll see how sincerely you want them to be a part of your wedding. 🙂

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