(Closed) Feeling discouraged and having issues…

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
1419 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I didn’t tell Darling Husband when my fertile time was.  For all he knew, I was just feeling a little extra horny that week.  

Post # 3
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

Aww, I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, bee. While I haven’t dealt with this exact issue, my SO and I have both felt the pressure of “It’s the fertile window, we HAVE to BD right now!” even if we’re sick, tired, or not in the mood. The thing that’s worked for us is not discussing it. I used to be really open about the timing (using OPKs, charting, etc.) and now I still do all that but I don’t announce the results to him. Now when we have sex, it’s about romance or intimacy or feeling good and we’re both much more relaxed and able to get into it. He and I both initiate at different times (though I initiate more in the FW) so I’m confident we’re both hitting my most fertile days while maintaining a healthy sex life.

Post # 4
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

LMD:  I am so taking your advice! Great answer, I think this would help a lot!

Post # 6
Member
1419 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Prettysmile40:  Sometimes it’s hard to get in the mood for me, too.  I just don’t have a hugely active libido. 🙁  I don’t know if it’s something you’re comfortable with, but sometimes I’d watch a little porn to get myself in the mood.  It didn’t always work, but sometiems it did.  Or I also bought some smutty books to read.  As embarrassing as that is, it sometimes worked for me!

Post # 7
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Prettysmile40:  I am also really really bad at initiating!! I agree that you should know but dont tell him.  There is a lot of pressure with timing!  Just be more aware during your fertile week and be receptive of his efforts.  Or just tell him hey when I do this (back rub, neck kiss, whatever) that is my sign that we should move to the bedroom, then you can “initiate” without being overt.  Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I didn’t ever tell Darling Husband when it was my fertile window and I’m also not a very aggressive person but I had to just suck it up and get to it!

Post # 9
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time! I second LMD re. smutty movies. Darling Husband and I watch porn or even something like 50 shades of grey to get in the mood. It’s getting old for us too, so hopefully we don’t have to do the timed sex thing for much longer!

Post # 10
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

LMD:  This is what I did too when we started TTC.

Prettysmile40:  We ran into this once. We’re working with a fertility center and doing timed intercourse cycles, which literally means, for a few days, our sex is scheduled.

Darling Husband started to feel the pressure and had some trouble the first cycle we did this, but what’s really helped is making it playful and fun. I tease him about what’s going to happen the next morning and we both start looking forward to it. I might wear something sexy to bed/ I also don’t try to jump right into it – we’ll kiss for awhile and fool around…let it happen as organically as possible. We don’t talk about babies or fertility before/during sex. We both know we’re doing this to conceive, no need to discuss it and kill the mood.

Post # 11
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Savannah, GA

 

Prettysmile40:  We had the same problem while trying to conceive.  I think the problem was that he thought I wanted to have sex with him only for a baby, not because I actually wanted to.  He always knew when my fertile window was because I got excited when I saw strong opk lines and told him, but I never mentioned it before initiated sex or during sex.  I don’t have a high liido, but I tried to be more into it, so he felt like I actually wanted it.  I also didn’t pressure him to have sex every night during the fertile window, just every other day or so and that seemed to work.  We just got our BFP last month!

Post # 12
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Prettysmile40:  Yep, been there too. I’m not much of an initiator either, but the ol’ straddle him while he’s sitting on the couch and kissing him usually works.  I also had to stop telling him when my FW was for a while. And as PPs said, dirty movies help!

Post # 13
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

What worked for me is not telling Darling Husband at all where we We’re at in fertile period no OpK info etc. it freaks them out somteimes and they get performance anxiety 

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