(Closed) Feeling distant

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

All I can say is this: Quality time is SO important. Often times, when a couple lives together, it’s easy to say “oh we see each other all the time.” But there’s a huge difference between seeing each other at home vs. having quality time.

You two need to start taking time out each week, just to truly enjoy each others company.

Post # 4
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Yeah, FH and I have a similar problem, and it’s totally normal. I think the thing we try to remember now is that, no matter how stressful everything seems to be, it’s not the other person’s fault, even if, really, they SHOULD have put the empty wrapper in the bin or changed the toilet roll. We’re on the same side, and the whole Stressful Outside is the problem, not us.

Like PP, and yourself said – make sure to spend time together. If you can spend half an hour together maybe having dinner together every evening, do it, but otherwise try and make time a couple of times a week just to do something together you both enjoy. Even if it’s just watching a movie at home together.

Post # 7
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@coffeeeeee:  I’m terrible for that, and so is he. I moan about how he seems to leave empty cereal boxes and milk bottles on the side for no other more obvious reason than sentimental value; and he hates that I’ll sometimes just wander off from stuff half-finished.

Pick your times for pointing these out, and work on your phrasing – we are both working very hard not to be snippy about it, or snarky.

Post # 10
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@coffeeeeee:  That’s awesome of him.  I get crabby and feel neglected when my Fiance and I spend too much time apart.  Then it’s easy to get annoyed about something because I already feel neglected; it’s a horrible, vicious cycle.

How/Where did you guys meet?  What about going back to the place you had your first date?  Or doing something romantic like horseback riding with dinner, staying overnight at a BB, sunset picnic in the park.  Not sure where you’re located since it might be a bit cold for that.  I like to make my Fiance afternoon tea (we went to London together and have great memories of it) with his favorite pastries and sandwhiches in the winter.  Either way, I hope you have a great date night!

Post # 11
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with what has been said, and I just wanted to add that for us I’m the student and he is the full-time worker. So our schedules are really off. Often when I’m writing a paper or studying for a long time and don’t see him, I feel rather distant when I do see him. I have found the best way for me to overcome this and get us back on track really quickly is to go up to him the moment I see him after a long break and go up behind him and hold him tightly. Without saying a word this reconnects us, so that when we do start talking the tension is gone and we can enjoy each other for the small moment we have together. 

Hugs are very powerful in a relationship. I hope this helps. 

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