(Closed) Feeling down

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1325 posts
Bumble bee

My advice? You do the only thing you CAN do. You can’t control him, his emotions or his actions, so you control what you do.

Live your life as independently as the relationship parameters allow you to. Take care of yourself.

If he wants to get over his commitment phobia, he will. There is nothing you can really do to help him resolve his feelings. He will come to that place on his own.

Other than that all you can really do is wait, as much as that can suck. The only way you could even help is to remind him everyday (not verbally! lol ) why he should choose you and that you are amazing.

I will say though that not bringing it up is for the best. I find that once you mention the idea of engagment to a guy, it’s stuck in their head. Once you mention it, it’s a point of no return. He will basically always remember that it’s something you want. Guys don’t magically forget this.

Post # 4
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Tunacupcakes: Great advice!

Post # 5
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

@Tunacupcakes: You give some amazing advice. I have nothing to add except, if you want to move, just move regardless of his decision. He’ll come find you if he wants you and you can always move back if that’s what you as an engaged couple decide.

Post # 6
384 posts
Helper bee

I would definitely live my life and concentrate on ME more if I were you. I don’t like that you’re being put on hold to find out if you should move to another city or not. This doesn’t feel good to me AT ALL.

I hope everything works out they way you want though

Post # 7
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think I could handle something like this– I’d start making plans to live my life. Apply to some jobs elsewhere, be independent. He’s asking you to just hang around a place you don’t like for 7 months because he might decide he wants to keep you in his life– does he realize he is making a commitment by asking you to put your life on hold?

If you’re determined to wait until December, perhaps you could find some internships or short-term job opportunities and resume builders while you’re stuck in a town you don’t like.

Post # 8
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

As a former hiring manager, I would suggest you start working on the job search in BOTH areas and see where you get interviews. Maybe if he sees you’re serious (and you have to really looking), it will help move things along.

That said, you’re his first real relationship… maybe being apart for a new job wouldn’t be the worst thing in te world. What will his situation be after you graduate?

Post # 9
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’d say focus on getting the bestest job offer you can get.

Post # 10
659 posts
Busy bee

I agree with gramgeek. Focus on jobs right now since you can’t change how he feels about commitment.

Post # 11
384 posts
Helper bee

we can never change how they feel about commitment, can we?  I’m right there with you girlfriend – same thing happening to me

Hugs and hoping we feel better soon.  All of us who are with commitment phobes.

Get this one.  “I am committed to this relationship but if I don’t commit to marrying you then you are going to end it and I’m uncomfortable with that.”


UGH – well then – be uncomfortable.  ASS HOLE.  Whew – that felt good saying that.  Sorry ya’ll.  LOL


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