- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Some days I am actually excited about our wedding, other days, most days I am not.
I know wedding means a lot to FH but I’m dreading it and trying to assuage my nerves by looking past the wedding part and to the wonderfulness that is us being married.
I’m not an attention hog, far from it. I’ve never had any sort of party my entire life, no birthday, graduation, etc. So why do I feel like this now? Like I’m not worth any attention, even on my wedding day. 🙁 I feel like I am playing dress-up when I try on dresses and I hate it. It reminds me of the hard times being raised by my mom and grandma, when I would purposefully not allow myself to dream about my wedding because I didn’t think I would ever have one. Even now, I don’t know how to let myself be happy or feel like celebrating when nothing in my life has ever been about me.
I feel I should WANT this wedding/celebration, but I really don’t. I try to focus on the fact we are getting married but only feel dread and nervous tension about it. I love my fiance, but right now I cannot wait for our wedding to be over.