Post # 1
Hi. I was wondering if I could have some advice about how to deal with my feelings after the wedding. We got married Saturday just gone and we had been planning it for ages. I’d even planned the tiny details like having little heart chocolates, boxes of After Eights on each table, kids’ drinks to be served during the reception, but non of those things were served. We also had tealights and Moroccan lanterns that were to be be lit, but none of those things got done.
I know these are minor details that people wouldn’t have noticed, but I was appalled to find for a wedding of 250 seated guests on 27 tables, they had supplied us with SIX (!!!) serving staff!! I had repeatedly spoken to the “planner” asking her to make sure we had sufficient staff to serve the food and wine. I was reassured before the wedding that they would have enough staff and not to worry. As I was busy throughout most of the day, I hadn’t realised about the lack of staff until dinner was served. As a consequence it took over an hour to serve the food. And people asking for more wine were told they had to wait. We have tried to contact the venue to “discuss” the matter with them, but they won’t return our calls. We paid £10 per head for crockery and cutlery and staffing ( so £2500 in total) so feel like they have scrimped on staffing.
We also had our seating plan “defaced” in ink, by a woman who was clearly annoyed that I had used the wrong surname ( she likes her maiden name not her married surname apparently but never made it clear on RSVP) . Even my Darling Husband who doesn’t usually get annoyed by these things was irritated and wanted to say something to her.
I realise that I’m probably sweating the small stuff and I that I may let it ruin memories of special day, but I feel like I missed a lot of the day, what with getting changed and just not getting to spend time with everyone. I also feel like much of my time got taken up by family friends who aren’t that close. Then my mother kept stressing me out by asking how ” we were entertaining people” as they were “getting bored”. Most people looked like they were having fun, so people who can’t talk amongst themselves for half an hour can go jump.
I just feel a bit low and am being hyper-critical of our wedding day and wish we could do it all over again, but “right”. My Darling Husband is lovely and we are having a nice few days off, going to the cinema and dinner etc, but I feel a bit empty. We are going to California for our honeymoon in Sept, so we do have that to look forward to.
Post # 3
OMG check out my post not long before your one!! I have wedding day decision regrets!!! I regret having 3 bridesmaids, not giving the photographer a must have list which was very stupid of me as have so many must have shots missing now!! although the day went off without a hitch, afterwards I have done nothing but think oooh if only I had done this or done that? I have some weddings coming up this year and dont want to look at them and think oh I would have done it like that blar blar blar….
I totally know what you are going through…. what wa sa beautiful day is now me and only me thinking of the what if I had done this…….
I can only say that we are our own worse enemys for nit picking and im sure your wedding day was just wonderful and everyone was not bored and had a lovely day… xxx
Post # 4
This is understandable – you obsess over and plan every tiny detail for months, then it’s all over in a flash. All you can do is give yourself permission to be upset about it and talk about it with your friends and Darling Husband. However, once you do these things, you’ve got to get over it. You’re married! That was the most important part of your wedding and it happened! Best wishes.
Post # 5
i am disgusted by the woman who defaced the seating plan by amending her name. That is so rude i just can’t believe it. What a bitch.
Post # 6
I don’t get the whole “I don’t like my husbands name” thing. What is so wrong that people get offended if we address them by their husbands surname? It’s natural that you would do that! Honestly some people just can’t be courteous enough over what is basically a few letters on a seating plan for one day! People get my name wrong all the time as its a unique name (there’s not that many people with my surname), it get spelled wrong on most of my correspondence every week but if it was wrong on someone else’s seating plan or whatever I wouldn’t even think about correcting it as I’ve spent the last 30& years correcting it and that gets very boring!
Post # 7
Wow, the woman who defaced the seating chart was way out of line…the day wasn’t about her, and it was an honest mistake!
I’m sorry you feel such regret, but, you did, after all, marry the man of your dreams! Dwell on that, and don’t worry about the small things people won’t remember anyway.
Post # 8
Thanks guys. I was wondering if I was over-reacting about the seating plan, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought it was rude! My family thought it was well out of order. She wasn’t even someone I was bothered about having at the wedding, but a family friend that i felt obliged to invite. She came and said good-bye straight after the food finished and before the speeches and I just thought “good riddance”. We might see her in August at a weekend gathering and my Darling Husband wants to make some sarcastic comment about her behaviour! For all she knew, we might have wanted to keep our plan as a souvenir. Seriously if you’re that offended by your husband’s name, get a life!!!
We also had 10 people who’d RSVP’d, but never turned up on the day. When i asked their relatives why they hadn’t come (and more importantly hadn’t let us know before) we got answers like ” X has gone on holiday and Y is moving house this weekend”. WTF?! Like you didn’t know you were going on holiday or moving house until that weekend? At £60 a head that’s cost us a £600 of wasted food, table places etc.
We had relatives and friends with genuine reasons who couldn’t make it at the last minute ( like sickness, vomiting kids), but those people took a minute out of their lives to let us know they couldn’t make it. We didn’t even get apologies from those relatives or individuals who didn’t show. The rudeness astounds me.
I did have a counselling session ( long term for depression) this morning, which helped me get things off my chest and I feel a little better now. My Darling Husband is gorgeous and being very understanding, which is good.
My sister is getting married next year too and she has been given a list of rude no-shows and seating plan defacers, who won’t be receiving an invite to her day!! 🙂
Post # 9
And I really don’t want to go back to work on Monday either. Blah….
I just have to keep thinking of all the gorgeous food and wine in Napa in September…..Mmmmmm yummy….. :D. I’m going to stuff my face.:D