(Closed) Feeling down and feeling stressed…less than 2 months before the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I really think you should share how you feel with your Fiance … you might be surprised how much that guys can step up to the plate when they know you need the help … Why don’t you task him with the DJ, or the videographer? Just hand that over to him and let him run with it!

Post # 5
Member
22 posts
Newbee

It’s hard to get a guy involved in the wedding planning but I agree with Ms Mini, you should talk with him. Tell him you feel overwhelmed. Delegate some of the responsabilities. Maybe he won’t take upon a task by himself but I am sure he will do his best if you ask him to help with a specific task.

Post # 7
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

hmmmm, your Maid/Matron of Honor should be there for you; my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sis, she’s a busy mom of 3 (2 kids below the age of 6) and yet she found time to shuttle me around to find ribbon in the suburbs; she came to Manhattan for my gown and her family helps me with all my projects; she and my Bridesmaid or Best Man (her kid) went gown finding for themselves; I feel so blessed my sister has always been there for me, even in my wedding

 

I think no matter how busy a Maid/Matron of Honor is, if they are really your Maid/Matron of Honor they should be there for you; can you really thank her from the bottom of your heart? 

 

I agree, delegate some of your responsibilities to your FI; I did everything on my own, my Fiance is in England, my bridal party is in the burbs; I had to be superorganized since I had only 5 months to plan and I’m working 3 weekends before my wedding 

I saved angst by being decisive and not second-guessing myself, if the price was right  even below it (I haggled) if it was what I was exactly looking for boom, I signed the deal within days; I networked like crazy and became super resourceful and thought outside the box  

 

vhere’s my experience on my own:

venue–I looked at 7, found one I liked and had an aha moment I knew it was the One, haggled, I signed the deal within a week  

DJ–googled, found gigmaster website, didn’t like any I interviewed didn’t like their websites, how they worked or how they talked, networked with a  co-worker and she referred me to someone she knew and in my price; he felt like the One, I’ll seal the deal when I come back from vacation 

photographer–I have a friend whose work I love; we negotiated; I signed the deal in 1 week of contacting him, I knew he was the One for my photography

flowers—I looked into flowers, nothing felt right, felt not right spending copious amounts of money for flowers I can do on my own, I bought vases and asked my grocer to order 100 roses at 0.65 each stem and will make 6 centerpieces (my wedding is only 6 tables for 50-72 people);I  made this decision within 3 weeks, it felt right

video–I placed an ad at craiglist for  $250, found an MTV producer, they went up, saw others cheaper but work was crappy, I kept going back ot their video, they came down, signed a deal yesterday at $700, they felt right I liked their work, they were the One, signed a deal within 3 weeks

 

shuttle–I inquired, everything was expensive, I walked down the street saw a white shuttle talked to the driver, he brought the price down, it felt right, was in my price range,  I signed the deal within a week of looking

gown– I knew what I wanted, my mom and sis would only be town for this one time of gown hunting; saw 12, loved one; went to the second store, found what I lalways wanted, it was in my price range, bought it the first day

It’s lonely planning alone, but it’ll pay off 

hang in there fellow bride you can do it! look around, be decisive,  go with your gut; when it’s crunch time you start to become more decisive

Post # 9
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

well you may risk losing her forever as a friend if you remove her; maybe if you have a heart to heart talk let her know how you’re feeling and see if she can help out more; even if she’s busy that’s what a Maid/Matron of Honor is there for, they have the honor to help, there’s still time! see if she can do some research for videos or DJ’s and e-mail you a list; if anything she should be emotionally supportive, I call my sis when I ‘m stressed I can hear her baby crying so I hang up and end the convversation when she’s occupied ; but she’s still there even in my times of stress. 

 

for my bridal party and bachelorette party; I know my sis’s time and abilities will not be able to extend to since she is far and cannot plan it here in the city; I’m organizing it myself in the city and just making the list and having her send out the invitations and recieve the regrets; that’s what my friends said, even she’s far she can still mail the invitations; wouldn’t be right for me to invite them myself; I always wanted a bachelorette party, and I’m going to make it happen, no missing out for me!

 

 

good luck!

Post # 10
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It sounds like you are hitting a rut.

Breathe.

Start re-kindling friendships. Call some friends or acquaintances and see who is available to join you. I went today to check out my dress with a neighbor of ours simply because I was concerned about something on my dress- and she happened to be available. So rather than going alone, I essentially dragged her along! And we loved it! I got to chat it up with her, she got a break from her day of being with her kids… and she gave me some good feedback!

 Is your Maid/Matron of Honor married? has she been through the whole wedding process? Because honestly, as much as I have several friends who got married… looking back I had no idea what they were going through! I was so naive to think I was helping by simply talking with them on the phone! And my closest friend, who is now my MOH- for her wedding I was no help. I didn’t fly up with her to her dress fittings, I didn’t help her make her invitations- and she did both of these for me! Maybe your Maid of honor has no clue what wedding planning entails. and even if she does, she is still your friend.

On another note- my sister was driving me absolutely batty with what seemed like lack of interest or complacency to my wedding planning. I started to blame it on her youthfullness- but really is was lack of experience. I nearly- several times wanted to rid her of the bridesmaid role- but I spoke with my mom. We talked about realistic expectations as far as me probably needing to gently say ‘hey I need this this and this… what do you think you can help me with?’ and my Maid/Matron of Honor helped me by also writing to my sister to see if there was anything of interest my sister might want to partake in- and my sister stepped up to bat surprisingly enough… even to ME! 

Just start emailing your Maid/Matron of Honor. Have patience. I know it’s a busy time with the wedding being so close. But if she is in school right now… finals are rolling around (I know because I have a final next week and two the following week and a TON of crap to get done not related to the wedding!!!) I am about ready to turn off my phone and the internet to focus on studying.  

 Just email her asking her kindly what she feel she can help with. Whatever she can’t, look into your other friends to help out. You will be surprised how many people would be interested in assisting if you ask for small helpings… look at your guests list and see who of the attendees in town would be interested in joining you!

Post # 11
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I am so sorry you are feeling all alone in all of this…

I wanted to share this thread with you to show you that you are not the only one who feels this way.

Everyone else has more supportive friends/family!

I suppose I look at my bridesmaids (I don’t have a maid of honor) as icing on the cake.  Each of them has volunteered to do a little something. One threw a bachelorette party, one organized pedicures for the day before the wedding, one is helping with musical selection etc… but mostly I try to rely on myself and fiance.

Ultimately it is our party and we are responsible for it… so it’s important that we both step up to make it happen.  I know that it seems like your fiance isn’t that interested in being involved, but sometimes when they discover how stressed we are they end up stepping up.  (It’s a guy thing…)

My fiance is amazing about things, but I had to learn how to meet him where he’s at. 

-He takes tasks he’s interested in.

-I try not to nag him about things.

-I always take his opinion very seriously and try to incorporate it in some way.

-I back off when he’s not receptive about the discussion.

-When he does take the lead on something, I never criticize his efforts.

Maybe you can try some techniques that encourage his involvement.  Our guys are usually just happy if they know they made us happy!

Good luck and check in, ok?

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