(Closed) Feeling down because he doesn’t seem interested in planning

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Darling Husband had no interest in the wedding planning. He really just didn’t care and would have prefered a court house quickie! It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get married he just didn’t care what shade of pink we used! I figured out quickly it was better for both of us if I just told him what we were doing. If he had opinions I listened but they were few and far between.

Post # 4
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

When I bought my dress eight months in advance, my Fiance thought that was SUPER early.  LOL  He is interested in some of the decisions (he picked out our STD magnet) but there are days when he says to me, “Please stop talking about the wedding!”  I have to laugh, because I DO talk about it more than I realize with him.  🙂

I think men have no clue about timelines and how early lots of things should be booked.  If you can, try to enjoy the fact that he allows you to make big decisions.  Being a control freak, I’d love that!

Post # 5
14497 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My husband didnt do any reserach or planning for our wedding either.  He was like, “just do whatever you want, the details dont matter to me, I’d go out side right now in the parking lot and get married if it were up to me”.  So I did all the research, I lined up the venues to look at and dragged him a long with me.  I researched the cake, the flowers, made all the final decisions with little input from him.  From what I’ve seen here, this is completely normal and sometimes even better than an opinionated Fiance that you’d butt heads with on things. 

Post # 6
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, for the most part planning a wedding is not something men are very interested in.

Darling Husband only cared about a few things:

What the Groomsmen were wearing

Otherwise, it was ALL up to me.

I let him know when I was making decisions and what those decisions were if he wanted to be involved, but for the most part he wasn’t that interested.

Maybe find the few things he’s really interested in and let him know when they need to be booked if he seems to want to be involved.

If he doesn’t want to be involved, then talk about these things with your mom, bridesmaids, etc.

He wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t want to get married.


Post # 8
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh yes, my Fiance kept saying we have time and would get aggravated at me because I kept bringing it up. A few months before (we have 11 days left now) he decided to get things done but because he didn’t have a clue where I was in planning and was totally lost and felt silly talking to anyone about it because he didn’t know anything.  

Bacily he trusted my opinion and planning ability so much all he felt he needed to do was show up with the money and TADA!  It just some men’s thing with wedding. Most don’t know anything about them, some don’t want to and just want to show up and be married to your pretty butt already. LOL Others I know about HAHA 

Its ok and quite normal really. It happens to MANY brides, some men are just clueless and nothing you can say seems to make them get it. 🙂   Don’t make the same mistake I did and make him crazy talking about it and aggrivate yourself or stress, it may not make such of a difference in his ability to plan or want to plan a wedding, even his own. LOL

Post # 9
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Count your blessings! That means you’re not going to have to argue with him over some stupid guy idea he comes up with in his head for the wedding! 😉

Seriously, men generally (not all of them) are not as interested in the planning/actual wedding part as they are in the party and the whole being marrried part.

Post # 11
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sounds pretty typical to me.

I told FH that I wanted to be the man in the wedding planning process assuming we had to have a big old wedding as per his and his family’s desires.  I told him he’ll be the one working on the details with my Future In-Laws and then proceeded to tell him everything involved.

He just went white and later said the small and/or elopement thing sounded good to him.

Post # 12
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I feel you on this.  He doesn’t seem to care, and I think it bothers me too that because I’m the bride, I’m supposed to care about EVERYTHING, even when I don’t.  It also seems like (and I’m borrowing this from something I heard somewhere, I can’t think of the source at the moment!) I’m the workhorse who has to do everything, but then I’m too delicate to walk down the aisle by myself on my wedding day.  Gender roles suck.


I’ll get off my soapbox now, but I understand.  My Fiance will be given at least food and music to worry about.  I know he wants to marry me, but it’s frustrating that *I* have all of the expectations on the prettly little details (which can be fun, but overwhelming.)

Post # 13
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Pele:  Well said!  Lol when he went white.  By the way, I love your username!

Post # 14
34 posts
  • Wedding: May 2012

guys just dont “get it”… they seem to think that everything will just fall into place without realizing that he is part of what makes it “fall into place”! most men dont have any kind of experience planning a huge event beyond poker night or the occasional bachelor party, so they tend to just kind of zone out. just let him know how youre feeling and tell him your really value his input and support. 

best of luck and happy planning!

Post # 15
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I went through the same thing…it is 100% normal.  I had a talk with my Fiance and told him how I felt and after some time, he FINALLY got it.  He isn’t too involved but when I ask him a question or ask him to help and tell him it’s important, he will give in and help.  It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you, men just don’t get it sometimes.  It’s completely normal.  Don’t let it get you down or start a fight with you two.  Just be honest with him and let him know that you need his help and support with some things regarding the wedding.  Good luck!

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