Post # 1
I am feeling really sad this morning, really trying hard to hold it together at the office and not cry my eyes out.
Sorry this might be a bit long, but i would appreciate some support and advice.
I moved in with my fiance March 1st, the purpose being to save for the wedding, I had looked around and found a place where we can have an outside ceremony and a sit down dinner for a reasonable price (we’re supposed to go see the place and book a date on Sunday). But I just don’t think its going to happen 🙁
Both my fiance and I are very politically active, politics is a huge part of both of our lives and that’s one of the things I love about him, but unfortunately more and more it seems like for him the politics is number one priority and I don’t know that I am ok with being second to politics. (maybe that’s me being spoiled, but that’s how I feel).
We’ve been fighting alot too lately and i just don’t know. I love him so much and i don’t want to be without him, but i can’t get over the fact that the politics is more important to him than I am. I have always believed in getting married first and moving in together second. I have never considered moving in with anyone before, but I was willing to compromise for my fiance because I do lvoe him so much, but now 14 days in and I am wondering if I made a big mistake 🙁 i just don’t know i feel so sad…
thanks for listening to my rant and sorry for being vague 🙁 I just don’t know…
Post # 3
have you talked to him about the way you feel? I’m not big on politics, so I can’t really give a reasonable explanation or advice because I don’t know what it involved, but try and tell him what’s going on and see what he says. You should get these things ironed out before marriage
Post # 4
moving in together can be a HUGE adjustment
when I moved in with my dh last year, it was AWFUL and I wanted to leave a million times, we fought a lot, too. We ended up seeking a professionals help to help us get past some of our issues.
Good luck to you
Post # 6
Is he into politics as a job? That would be one thing, and making sure he doesn’t bring work home with him, but if he’s just sitting at home talking politics all the time to get a reaction out of you that’s crazy.
That’s what my Father-In-Law does when he is with Darling Husband. He will constantly talk politics, and it is exhausting.
I would let your Fiance know that there is no politics at the dinner table, first and foremost, and that you prefer to have other conversations too. I think the stress of moving in together is kind of catching up with you, so I would let him know that and maybe he will cool down. You guys need to go out for a date night or do something fun that doesn’t involve talking about work or politics. Just be together.
Post # 7
Thank you guys,
Basically what happened was last year in July he went to England for a week for his political meetings, even though he had promised that we would go no a vacation together (our first vacation). Before he went he told me we would go on a vacation in August and we settled on a date, I took a week off work and then when the date came he said he couldn’t go because of financial reasons. I was totally ok with that because i knew he was paying for his daughters university tuition and since last year I have been encouraging him to eat at home, not go out as much and I’ve been paying more when we do go out to make sure he is tight financially.
But I did assume that next time he goes to Europe would be for me and not for politics. Well it turns out he is going to Europe again in May for his political meetings.
We did have a discussion last night and I told him that I was hurt that all this time he hasn’t sat down with me to arrange the promised vacation and I told him I would be more than happy to pay for half of it as well. But honstly I am really hurt that he’d rather go to Europe for the second time in 8 months for politics rather than take a vacation with me.
I told him I want to talk to him tonight so we’re going to go for a coffee and talk and see what happens. …
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I think there might be two separate issues: 1) the transition to living to together and 2) being second to politics.
First, after 14 days, everything is still new to both of you. When my husband and I moved in together as boyfriend and girlfriend, it took him months to adjust. It wasn’t that living together was bad, but it certainly was different. You need to allow that time.
Second, what does he do that makes you feel second to politics? If you have an open conversation about you each need from the relationship, it would probably help create more balance. So, if you need one hour of quality time with him each day, he should be able to give it to you. And if he needs to focus on politics sometimes, he should be able to. You just have to figure out the right balance.
Post # 9
Megz- No politics is his hobby and its a big hobby of mine too, thats actually how we met, at a protest adn I am totally ok with it, but I am not ok with it taking a priority over me.
We’ve had many discussions about him constantly being on the computer when he gets home doing his politics and the constant phone calls etc… even really late phone calls that used to drive me crazy. We’ve been able to negotiate those things and we’ve decided no politics or late phone calls after 10:00pm and that’s acceptable to me. I already knew politics was a big part of his life going in but i just didn’t think it would take priority over me. and he is 20 years older than me but kind of set in his way…
Post # 10
How does he react when you tell him how you feel?
Post # 11
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Starshine32: You just moved in together on 3/1? Give it some time!!! Moving in together is Hell!!
Post # 12
mchitt329- Yea it kind of h as been hell. I’ve never moved in with anyone before and deep down i always believed that I should be married before I move in with anyone (i know how old fashion that is) and I think i am struggling with myself a bit…
KoiKove- He is a very loving guy and he has mend his ways, he used to get all kinds of phone calls in the middle of the night, middle of dates, dinner parties etc… we’ve talked about it and agreed no phone calls after 10pm unless its from family and no political phone calls in the middle of dinner, dates, parties etc… and no politics on saturdays. So he is pretty reasonable when we discuss things.
I told him we need to talk so we’re going to have a talk tonight and I am going to do my best not to get emotional and just explain why i feel hurt…
Post # 13
Thanks so much for your support.
We had a nice talk last night, his meeting is in sweden for a weekend and he suggested we meet up after his weekend in Germany and stay a week and visit with some of his family that lives there (i haven’t met anyone in his family except his daughter because they all live out of the country) so that will be a nice opportunity.
And he reassured me that I was number one and not competing with his politics.
Thanks again for all the support 🙂