Feeling down when boyfriend is away for work

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
106 posts
Blushing bee

roseday345 :  Hey, listen. I felt this way at a few points in my life, but–to be very honest here–it was when I was going through a hard time mentally, and I needed (and consistently maintained) therapy. I have no doubt that you love him, but feeling this way isn’t terrifically normal, and it’s certainly not healthy. OBVIOUSLY it’s not healthy, as it so deeply influences your physical and mental health. By definition, it’s not a healthy lifestyle. 

Now, there are two immediate options: He quits this job and gets one that requires no travelling, or (probably AND) you begin working with a therapist. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of, assuming you feel that way about therapy. (If you don’t, thank goodness, because that perspective of therapy is a nonsense barrier to a better life.) 

If you’re averse to the suggestion of therapy, ask yourself how long your relationship will be sustainable while you feel this way. Ask yourself how long your LIFE will be sustainable with feelings of constant loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness, and when lacking companionship. These are not ingredients to a healthy, sustainable, fulfilling marriage or life. Let’s ask someone for help, yes? 🙂

Post # 3
4469 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

roseday345 :  That is admittedly a LOT of time away.  6-8 weeks gone and 2 weeks home is considerable.  I strongly, strongly suggest he starts looking at new jobs especially if you are considering long term with him.  I know people who are gone all week but then come home on weekends.  My aunt is one of those types of people, she is typically gone for 5 days, home for 3-4, gone for 4 days, home for 2, etc.  She loves it, and my uncle actually travels a lot for work too which helps, but I think it is manageable because it’s shorter stints.

Obviously you have situations such as military life, etc. where spouses are gone for extended periods, months, sometimes a year at a time, but your situation is different than that.

Short term, start reconnecting with friends.  It concerns me when people get so lost in their relationship that they lose contact with the friends they know and love.  I think you would be pleasantly surprised at how many people you can reconnect with.  Bolster your own social life so it doesn’t feel quite as overwhelming when he’s gone.

Post # 4
377 posts
Helper bee

Make friends with women that are married and/or engaged to military men. I think that would be a great start. 

My best friend is now married and her husband was overseas for a long time in the Navy. When he was gone she would hang out with us a lot and we would make it a point to have extra girls nights and activities.

Post # 5
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

The schedule you are maintaining is rough! I’ve done military deployments with my ex, but it was easier when he was gone for 6-8 months than when he had training and would be gone, then back, then gone, then back. It’s next to impossible for you to have any kind of stable schedule. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster!

I truly think it would be wise to talk to him about the toll this is taking on you and whether he can look for another job. 

And for you, reconnect with old friends, plan activities to get yourself out of the house, get exercise, seek therapy. Take an active role in filling your life with things that make you happy. 

Good luck! 

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