Post # 1
Me and my SO have been together for 2 years now. He got a job that requires him to travel out of state for 6-8 weeks at a time with about 2 weeks home, then back to work. It is a repeat schedule over and over. Me and him live together and I could not be happier about sharing a home together, but when he is gone it makes hard to be alone sometimes. The house feels empty and quiet from the first day he leaves. Everything shifts and I dont know what to do to not feel so down when he is not home. I more recently got a dog for some company but it only fills up so much. I find myself losing interest in things and just feel in a slump. It is a constant cycle of feeling “normal” when he is home and feeling disconnected from everything and loney when he is gone. I do not have much of a social life right now, I have lost contact with most of my frineds over the past few years. So not being able to get out and hangout with friends can make the situaion even harder. I am either at work or at home alone. I used to love to read and do a lot of hobbies but now I can’t find interested in them like i used to. I try and do something but start to get distracted and find myself becoming bored. I notice that I feel anxious when he is away and nothing feels the same with him not here. He misses out on a lot when he is away at work and it is hard. It makes me sad knowing we are physically missing out on so much of eachothers lives. We both are in our mid twenties and love eachother very much and trust eachother when it comes to being away from one another. We talk on the phone every day and text when we can and it helps but sometimes those text/calls can feel distant in itself. It can be a lot of the same conversations like “how are you” “how did your day go?” which I love to know but it can just feel repetative everyday and makes the distance sink in even more. I try my hardest to stay strong and positive but i cant help let the distance get to me. I notice that we both start to bicker over the pettiest of things from just miss eachother and wish we were together. I wish there was some way to have more of a “normal” feeling life when he is gone. I think back to before I met him and being alone never bothered me! I enjoyed it and never had a problem with it. Shortly after he came into my life he started to travel and was gone more then he was home and now i feel like I dont know how to feel normal alone. It gets to the point where i have trouble sleeping. I am not afraid of being home alone i just miss him and his company. Does anyone else feel this way or go through the same thing? How do I start to feel more whole again when he is away??
Post # 2
roseday345 : Hey, listen. I felt this way at a few points in my life, but–to be very honest here–it was when I was going through a hard time mentally, and I needed (and consistently maintained) therapy. I have no doubt that you love him, but feeling this way isn’t terrifically normal, and it’s certainly not healthy. OBVIOUSLY it’s not healthy, as it so deeply influences your physical and mental health. By definition, it’s not a healthy lifestyle.
Now, there are two immediate options: He quits this job and gets one that requires no travelling, or (probably AND) you begin working with a therapist. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of, assuming you feel that way about therapy. (If you don’t, thank goodness, because that perspective of therapy is a nonsense barrier to a better life.)
If you’re averse to the suggestion of therapy, ask yourself how long your relationship will be sustainable while you feel this way. Ask yourself how long your LIFE will be sustainable with feelings of constant loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness, and when lacking companionship. These are not ingredients to a healthy, sustainable, fulfilling marriage or life. Let’s ask someone for help, yes? 🙂
Post # 3
roseday345 : That is admittedly a LOT of time away. 6-8 weeks gone and 2 weeks home is considerable. I strongly, strongly suggest he starts looking at new jobs especially if you are considering long term with him. I know people who are gone all week but then come home on weekends. My aunt is one of those types of people, she is typically gone for 5 days, home for 3-4, gone for 4 days, home for 2, etc. She loves it, and my uncle actually travels a lot for work too which helps, but I think it is manageable because it’s shorter stints.
Obviously you have situations such as military life, etc. where spouses are gone for extended periods, months, sometimes a year at a time, but your situation is different than that.
Short term, start reconnecting with friends. It concerns me when people get so lost in their relationship that they lose contact with the friends they know and love. I think you would be pleasantly surprised at how many people you can reconnect with. Bolster your own social life so it doesn’t feel quite as overwhelming when he’s gone.
Post # 4
Make friends with women that are married and/or engaged to military men. I think that would be a great start.
My best friend is now married and her husband was overseas for a long time in the Navy. When he was gone she would hang out with us a lot and we would make it a point to have extra girls nights and activities.
Post # 5
The schedule you are maintaining is rough! I’ve done military deployments with my ex, but it was easier when he was gone for 6-8 months than when he had training and would be gone, then back, then gone, then back. It’s next to impossible for you to have any kind of stable schedule. Not to mention the emotional roller coaster!
I truly think it would be wise to talk to him about the toll this is taking on you and whether he can look for another job.
And for you, reconnect with old friends, plan activities to get yourself out of the house, get exercise, seek therapy. Take an active role in filling your life with things that make you happy.