(Closed) Feeling Downtrodden – Family thinks our small wedding is a mistake

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2005 - A Castle

I’ve been married twice. The first wedding was the big Italian feast that my parents paid for, complete with family members I didn’t even know. The second wedding was small and elegant; immediate family and friends only. It was paid for by my husband and me. I would hands down have the smaller wedding again. 

Your wedding day is yours and his; not your mother’s, not his mother’s…yours and his.

Post # 3
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

As long as YOU are happy and excited about YOUR wedding (remember: this is your day that you’re sharing with the people who love you) I wouldn’t feel bad. Big weddings aren’t for everyone, and it sounds like both you and your fiancé are pretty stoked about the idea of a smaller, intimate event.

Anyone who is making you doubt yourself based on their own feelings is the one being selfish. Your family and friends should be encouranging during this prolific time in your life, however you choose to approach it. If anyone is making you feel guilty about the happiest day of your life, it’s their problem – not yours.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I just hope you enjoy your day no matter what!

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hi

I love the way you are describing your small wedding- you speak with conviction and I think it’s brillant you have not got swept up in the big wedding plans like some people ( cough me cough) lol. 

Maybe your an indecisive person so don’t beat yourself up regarding changing your mind. Its not like you had the save the dates out, people booked time off work and are having to re- arrange.

I would just tell your mum etc why specifically you want a small wedding, highlight you want to spend time with them not every x y and z in your life. Maybe ask what is it exactly they are afraid of you regretting and then remind them you are different people.

In terms of getting excited- I would treat it as any other wedding- thinking about a fun hen party etc 

Post # 6
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Just read your response! 

I think you make great points- that is a lovely explanation and highligets your relationship/ marriage is key not the ‘do’

Post # 8
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
soon2bmrsb2016:  I would think about it this way: who are the people you’re excluding between the large wedding your families envision and the small one you are planning?  Super-extended family you’re not close to?  Friends of parents you hardly know?  Mere acquaintances?  If that’s the case, you won’t miss them, and it’s silly to have a large wedding just for the sake of filling a room with a lot of people.  However, if you have other close friends you are excluding, I think it’s possible you could have some regrets over that. 

But if that’s not the case, I think you just have to say what you said above: “We are really excited about the small wedding and know it is the best choice for us.”  Rinse and repeat as necessary.  I wouldn’t get into the impressing others and society thing, because people who have chosen larger weddings may feel like you’re insulting their choice.  But their choice has nothing to do with yours; just focus on that this is what feels right to you.

Post # 11
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m having a small wedding, no more than 50 people and they are all family. I’ve heard sooo many stories about how people had guests in their wedding that they didn’t even talk to after the wedding and falling out with bridesmaid after the wedding. I don’t want that to happen, because I want the people at my wedding, the people that I love and will talk to after we get married. I don’t think I’ll regret it because I know those people are there for me and my fiance. It does suck having to say that we are only inviting family to our wedding for our close friends but they understand. And we are having a bigger party for our friends at our house after our wedding, so that’s our celebration with them. I would do whatever you want to do. The good thing about small weddings are it’s intimate and you’ll save money.

Post # 12
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Follow your heart Bee. Quoting one of my favorite books Conversations with God: “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is STILL betrayal. It is the Highest Betrayal.” 

 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee

People love to pull that “you’ll regret it” card. Weddings don’t come one-size-fits-all. Make choices out of love, not fear of regret.

Post # 14
Member
4556 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Reading this makes me beyond happy that our family really doesn’t give a shit about what we decide to do and will just go along with it. We are only having 12 guest and we could not be happier about that. We don’t see the need of inviting everyone we have ever said hello to. Just do what makes you and your Fiance happy and don’t worry about others opinions. They will come around. 

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