Post # 1
So the situation is this: We’ve invited a guy to the wedding, let’s call him Pete. Pete is notoriously bad at RSVPing. He failed to RSVP to two separate colleagues’ weddings this past year, and only gave them his answer when they confronted him in person after ignoring numerous emails, phone calls, etc. Unfortunately we never see him in person.
Our RSVP deadline was the 20th. Since then, Pete has ignored an email from me and an email from FI. Fi intends to call him tomorrow and Thursday to try to get his answer. I fully expect him to ignore both calls. (If you can’t tell, I REALLY dislike this guy, he was only invited for the sake of keeping the peace in our group of friends.)
Our tentative meal choice count is due on the 30th, and our hard and fast fixed numbers are due on the 14th. We intend to email or call him every other day until we get an answer. If we haven’t heard from him by the 12th (over 3 weeks past the deadline) would it be totally out of line to post something publicly on his facebook wall? I usually hate facebook drama, but this guy needs some public shaming imho!
I’m thinking of writing something like “Pete, you have ignored #X emails from us and #Y phone calls. Your RSVP was due over 3 weeks ago. We are giving our final numbers to our caterers TOMORROW. If we do not hear from you by 3pm, we will have to assume you are not coming and tell the caterer we won’t need a meal for you. Please let us know if you intend to come or not.”
I know it’s evil, I know it creates unnecessary drama. Please someone talk me out of it! I’m just so frustrated because we really can’t guess whether this guy will come or not. I didn’t even want to invite him in the first place, and I absolutely don’t want to get roped into paying for his meal only to have him not show up…
Post # 3
Don’t do it!! lol I’m talking you out of it now. You will most likely regret. Let FI handle it and try not to worry about him. He will be the last person you will ever think of when it comes to your day.
Post # 4
If this guy doesn’t bother answering you or your fi’s e-mails–then screw that! He shouldn’t come to your wedding. And if you don’t care much for him, then better that he’s not there. You mentioned that he is notrious for this–I think he needs to learn his lesson. Consider him not coming and if he mentions it or shows up tell him that he missed the RSVP date. Do not go crazy trying to get in touch with him.
Post # 5
@Saeliz: haha, I know I would regret it… but it would be so satisfying in the moment!
@OhBeeHive84: Wow, pulling out the big guns! Having him show up and not have a meal or a chair would induce way more public shame than a facebook posting. But I am worried about drama on the wedding day.
Realistically I probably won’t do anything public about this, but it’s pretty fun to make out these plots anyway 😉
Post # 6
If you really feel the need to write that, I would send him a private facebook message. “Shaming” him on his facebook wall seems a little high school to me :/
Post # 7
It seems odd to invite someone to your wedding that you *never* see in person, although I do understand about keeping the peace in a social circle. I would probably not call/email every 2 days, because it sounds like a waste of time. He knows you’re waiting. I’d leave it until the last minute, call one more time, say if we don’t hear from you by 3pm tomorrow we will assume you’re not coming. He clearly doesn’t care so I wouldn’t waste too much time or effort on him to be honest!
Post # 8
Don’t do it. You’ll come across as a bitter bridezilla and you still might not get what you want which is a yay or nay from him about whether he’s coming or not. Facebook is never a good forum for venting – I was once looking through the wedding photos of a friend from highschool and her pictures were beautiful up until one of the comments was from her abusing a guest because he had RSVP’d yes and then not showed up. It wasn’t cool. If you have to confront this guy do it in person or over the phone. A public forum isn’t a good idea. Even if you do what bride2bejc suggested and leave a message on his phone telling him that he’s missed the RSVP date and therefore you’re assuming he’s not coming.
Post # 9
I agree with Miss Sparklespaniel ! While he is the one being rude, if you retaliate on FB then you will be the one who seems ‘mean’ to the casual observer. Just say what you want to say via email or voicemail – that if you don’t hear back by X date and time, you’re putting him down as a ‘no’ on the RSVP list.
Post # 10
If he doesn’t respond after 3 contacts (either by voicemail, text, e-mail, etc), I would say that he isn’t coming. If he decides to come, I would just tell him that he’s more than welcome to attend the ceremony, but unfortunately you aren’t able to add any additional people to the reception as the final numbers were already due.
Post # 11
I just think that is ALOT of effort to go through for one person. I would just assume he isn’t coming.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone. I promise, I’m not actually going to do it, this post was mostly meant as a joke with a little bit of self indulgent fantasy mixed in 😉 Maybe I should have put “vent” in the title. It just drives me nuts that he can act like a jerk to everyone he knows, and people will just laugh it off and say “oh, that’s just Pete for ya!” Well Pete can go suck an egg!
@mountain.bride: We know each other through a school system, so we do see him quite often during the year, just not over the summer. You’re probably right about not contacting him that much though. Frankly I’m ready to hand the whole situation over to my FI because they have known each other longer.
So, no, I won’t be stooping to that level. But now and then everyone likes to imagine what they would say to certain people if there were no consequences, right? 🙂
Post # 13
Screw him…i wouldn’t even waste my facebook time on him! I wouldn’t even waste my phone time on him. He was given a date..hes an adult and he can read…he knows when he should RSVP. If he doesn’t, then oh well. I would just go with EvaBoston…”you can come to the ceremony but there is no room at the reception.”
Then under my breath as I walk away would be “theres a McDonald’s down the street” but thats just me LOL!!!!
Post # 14
I am kinda sorta on your side…as in that is something I would absolutely want to do, but I probably wouldn’t. If you have not heard of him by then, you don’t count him as coming. If he shows up, you get someone to let him know there is not space for him, as he did not respond to you in time to order his meal. Too bad for him for being so lazy that he cannot check a box or pick up his phone.
Post # 15
I would just consider him not coming and dont plan for him. Dont order him a meal, dont make him a chair, nothing. Then, I would tell my event coordinator to look out for him and if he shows up, inform him that he did not RSVP and so he does not have a meal or any place to sit. I would make it clear to the event staff that there will be no “squeezing someone in” at any of the tables.
Screw him. I hate people like this. It is unbelievably rude. I agree with bride2bejc, he needs to learn his lesson.