(Closed) Feeling evil… is this too low?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can I use facebook to publicly shame this obstinate non-RSVPer?

    Go for it, indulge the evil!

    Now Greenleafmountain, you know you're better than that!

  • Post # 32
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    haha I am in an evil mood today too…. so unfortunately I am allllllllll for indulging you (even if its against my better judgement)…

    Pete is a dork– and people like him are idiots! This is a wedding not a night out at the bar where people can leisurely show up as they please! uuuuughhh

     

    what we brides go through…. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    4005 posts
    Honey bee

    Haha…suck an egg. Hilarious! I agree w/ the other posters about calling him one more time and then letting him know that he won’t have a seat at the reception, so don’t bother showing up! This guy sounds like he feels entitled or something…he would royally piss me off as well. The FB thing does sound soooo tempting though Wink

    Post # 34
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    HAHA! I would LOVE to do that sometimes! I decided if someone doesnt RSVP they are no longer invited 😀

    Post # 35
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I’d leave him a message right off the bat saying “we’re really sorry you’re not able to make it to the wedding. We’ll miss you, but we understand!” Don’t even say that you assume he’s not coming. Just tell him he’s not. If he really wants to come, he’ll assume it’s a misunderstanding and call you right back. If he doesn’t, you’ve already taken him off your lists.

    Post # 36
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I don’t agree with using Facebook to post anything negative about anybody, a group of people, a business, or the like. The whole point is to let family and friends know what you are up to. I have no problem removing friends that start bashing in their statuses whether that is against PITA, political parties, or individuals. There is a place for that kind of crap and it isn’t on MY Facebook page.

    Do.Not.Do.It. Plus it makes you look like a bad person.

    Post # 37
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    So I totaly would be ticked off at this guy, and all the “oh that’s just Pete!” lip you get from friends.  I’m sorry, but F him.  You’ve already gone above and beyond by calling and emailing multiple times, and he clearly can’t be bothered, you don’t really want the guy there anyway, and he does this all the time, so you know there’s a 1 in a billion chance that something terrible happened (like a relative passed away, and he’s too upset to talk to people) so he’s just being a jerk about it.  I wouldn’t be snarky in public, because if he tries to shop around for sympathy it sounds like you’re both equally in the wrong, when really it’s just him, but I would be more strict than you have.  He gets 48 hours from the last call or email, and if you haven’t heard by then, he gets one more call.  If he picks up, fine, talk to him and tell him he has to answer _now_.  If it’s his voicemail, then leave him a message saying “since the rsvp deadline passed and we didn’t hear from you, and we havent been able to get in touch with you since then, we’ve had to give our numbers to the caterer and assume you won’t be able to make it.  seems like you’re having a really busy summer! hope its fabulous and we’ll see you in the fall!”  Then go with zippylef‘s plan and tell the coordinator not to squeeze anyone in who isn’t on the list.  You’re not being rude, his is, and you shouldn’t have to pay for it.

    Post # 38
    Member
    958 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Tempting … but no.

    I would leave one last “I guess we can assume you’re not coming” type message and leave it at that.  If he shows, it’s his fault. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    No, “I guess we assume….” anything.  I agree with Miss Helen, sorry you can’t make it, in a simple but curt e-mail, or NOTHING  at all.  Basically, do NOT set a lovely place for him at your beautiful wedding.  He hasn’t responded; leave it that he ain’t coming.  I had to chase down a colleague (whom I hardly if ever see anymore) via e-mail and he said yes, sorry it had taken so long to rsvp.  Then he NEVER SHOWED… and he’s the life of the party and there’s was this miserable empty chair where he should have been.  I was so pissed; haven’t heard from him since.  Other than that, we had a 100% rsvp rate and show-up rate for 100 peops so I’m happy it turned out so well in the end.  hang in there…..

    Post # 40
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Since he hasn’t responded and you attempted to follow up with him, just send him a last message saying you’re sorry he can’t attend and that you look forward to seeing him after the wedding (be vague, maybe mention a group friend thing if there’s something on the horizon). Yay! you’re off the hook for keeping the peace and you don’t have to deal with this person at the wedding.

    Post # 41
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee

    I would like to think I am not an evil person… but man I would be SO tempted… I wouldn’t facebook shame him, speaking from an unbiased opinion.

    It my philosophy that you should avoid things you would possibly regret when it comes to your wedding, you only get to do it once, you want it to be “right” even if it isn’t perfect.

    I would leave a voicemail saying exactly what you would have written, or spoken even a little softer, or have your Fiance leave that voicemail if he is closer to him — its sad but a man being tough is a good thing, a woman being tough is so often called “b!$^*y” or bridezilla. Don’t ruin your good reputation because he is inconsiderate.

    Post # 42
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    who careS? take him off the list. if he can’t be bothered to rsvp, then he won’t be bothered to come either.

    Post # 43
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    if he does show just tell him that there isn’t any food for him it was only for people who rsvp’d it will be his own fault.

    Post # 44
    Member
    952 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    So many good ideas.  I like what Vagabond said, but then even more liked MissHelen’s idea.  I don’t think that would be a bad message to put on facebook, it’s polite and if he does show, people who saw it will realize he came without a positive RSVP.

    Post # 45
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I like the idea of making a general post on fb that tells everyone that you must RSVP or you will assume they’re not coming!

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