(Closed) Feeling excluded and betrayed

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If the other fiancee is going, why didn’t he ask you to go?

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

That actually is kind of shit. :-/ He’s going with a couple, so he already knows that it isn’t a guys only bonding thing. I’d just be as annoyed as I liked. I don’t try to be overly obnoxious, but I don’t hide my emotions from my fiance. That’s just lying and pretending there is no problem when there is one.

If he talks about it, say you don’t really care, as you weren’t invited. Or be the bigger person, let him talk, say you’re happy for him, but that you can’t pretend it didn’t hurt that he didn’t care to include you.

 

Feeling “betrayed” seems to be a bit dramatic, though.

Post # 5
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@metalbride:  Why would he purposely exclude you, especially if other females are going? If it was an “all boys” trip, then fine. But it’s an activity that you enjoy and other women are being included. I can’t understand the logic behind this one and I would be pissed too (especially because he is rubbing it in your face that he excluded you…wtf?).

I would absolutely ask, “why would you think it’s okay to exclude your wife when other couples are going together?”

Post # 6
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

I would relax and let him enjoy some time out by himself. You could probably use that time yourself to get a massage, take a bath, read a book. I’m sure it’s nothing personal and just think how cold and unhappy the other gal is going to be. If she doesn’t like fishing I’m not sure why she would want to go?

Post # 7
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@metalbride:  Yeah, why didnt he ask you to go? I would have been furious if it was a “couple” thing and FI didnt invite me AND its something he knows I love to do! What a butt!!

Post # 8
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it’s weird that he’s going with another couple and didn’t include you. 

 

You guys need to figure out a better way to communicate. I know if I was as upset as you are, I wouldn’t let it drag out for a week and neither would my husband. It’s not fun to have your partner upset. 

 

Did you ask to be included? Or were you waiting for an invite? 

 

Post # 9
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why didn’t you say, hey that sounds like fun.. Can I come?

Post # 10
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Boys trips are fine but the other FI going makes it a bit weird. It’s the 3 of them? Or 6 guys + the FI? Still weird.

 

Post # 11
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

In any relationship, communication is key. You need to talk to him about how and why he upset you. See how he responds. Did he exclude you because he assumed you’d have to work? Did he think it’d just be “guy time?” I could see those as possibly legitimate reasons. PAY ATTENTION to how he responds! If he gets mad at you for voicing your feelings, or turns it around on you, then you may have a deeper issue at work. Also, the fact that you were clearly bothered by it all week and he continued the hurtful behavior is a major red flag to me.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as an excessive downer, but it’s my experience talking. I was in a bad marriage where stuff like that would happen all the time, and my husband could somehow always make me feel either responsible for every problem or crazy because he’d make me doubt the way I felt. I am now in a very happy, stable, loving relationship with a man who wants to make/keep me happy. I’m not saying that my relationship problems are like yours, or vice versa. I’m just advising you to speak your mind, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to have your feelings be valued by your husband. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

Dude. For me this would have been handled before he went on the trip. He was throwing in your face that he had the day off? To go on a trip you two could have/should have gone on together? Hell no. I’m unsure why he wouldn’t be totally embarrased to talk to you about this NOW.

Post # 15
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This wouldn’t really bother me since it sounds like you had to work anyways.  Were you able to take the day off work to go had you been invited?

I don’t get the “he didn’t plan it so didn’t have a say in who was invited” beacuse our friends don’t work like that. Most of our events it’s just known that SOs are always invited, unless it’s explicitly a guy thing.

Maybe he just needed some time apart and didn’t want to hurt your feelings? I wouldn’t read too much into it. Be happy for him that he had a nice day. The fact he went without you won’t take away from your experience when you go together.

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Did your husband know that his friend’s FI was going to be there too?  Did he think it was going to just be a guys weekend and therefore didn’t think to ask you to come too?

My DH did this once.  A friend of ours asked him to come out one Saturday night, grab some grub, go to the bar, etc.  DH figured it was just going to be a guys night, so didn’t ask me to come along, which I was okay with and just had a night to myself.  He then comes home to tell me that the whole group was there, including the women, and were ALL asking where I was.  Big miscommunication between all parties.

I suppose the moral is that maybe you could have asked if it was just the guys and if he replied, no, asked if you could come?  I totally understand that’s a sucky thing to do, I hate it.  I feel like the needy girl who HAS to be with her man ALL the time, but DH keeps reminding me that I’m not (and I’m sure you aren’t either!) and that he won’t know I want to come along unless I ask sometimes.

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