Feeling forced

posted 6 months ago in Parties
  • poll: Should I just refuse to throw the jack and Jill for her?
    refuse to throw the party : (7 votes)
    8 %
    Refuse to be her maid of honour and create an enemy : (52 votes)
    60 %
    Throw the party and risk the high chance of nobody attending : (0 votes)
    Drink wine and then obnoxiously refuse any part in this wedding : (28 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 2
    5509 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  she can’t force you to do anything. Tell her that you’re sorry but you can’t be there for her in the way that she needs you to be there for her

    It sounds like you aren’t even close

    No one can force you to do a thing. Just tell her no

    Post # 3
    784 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    Oh my goodness.

    For your own sanity, I vote to step away. Even if you create an enemy, it sounds like it won’t be a huge loss… This girl sounds like a piece of work!

    I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position 🙁 I wonder if there’s a way you can do it gently, so as to maybe salvage things, if that’s what you want. 

    Post # 4
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  Um….say no, say no to everything, I say this with kindness but texts comes across harsh….you are an adult so nobody can force you do be their Maid of Honor. How did you respond when she told you initially and long ago was that?

    Post # 5
    869 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    NO. Don’t put up with this.

    First, no one can “tell” you that you’re a maid of honor.

    Second, she can’t demand that you pay for things.

    Third, she can’t demand that you throw her parties. 

    I hope you haven’t paid her a cent. I am not even sure how you got dragged into all this. 

    Don’t be maid of honor. Don’t go to the wedding. Just tell her no and cut her off. Her showing up with receipts and demanding that you pay for wedding items is completely out there. 

    Post # 6
    6924 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  she keeps buying things and showing up with receipts for things she has bought for the wedding and demands I pay her immediately for these items… 

    JUST. SAY. NO. 


    Post # 7
    1282 posts
    Bumble bee

    Be honest and blunt. “I am sorry that I have to turn down your request that I be your Maid/Matron of Honor. It is just something I cannot do but wish you the best for your upcoming marriage and look forward to attending as a guest.” Short and sweet. Don’t explain or expand. These kind of demanding people do not understand subtlety.

    Don’t let her make her financial problems or lack of friends your problem. This could get way out of control with her bringing you receipts.


    Post # 8
    1130 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Just tell her that you unfortunately can’t be her maid of honor. Period. End of story. 

    Post # 9
    813 posts
    Busy bee

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  What?! Just tell her no! You should have told her “no” right away when she told you that you were going to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. 


    Post # 10
    1478 posts
    Bumble bee

    PPs are on point. Be polite but firm. You don’t owe her anything, not even an explanation.

    It makes it kinda awkward that she’s your client at work, but that doesn’t entitle her to use you as her personal assistant, especially without your consent. 

    Just tell her you will not be able to and don’t argue about it. She can’t make you do it 

    Post # 11
    8961 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  Someone can tell you you’re the queen of England, that doesn’t make it so. She can demand that you dance on a table in your underwear — are you going to do it? I know saying no can be hard, but sometimes it’s necessary. The good news is, the more you do it the easier it gets. Start now. Tell her you need to step down and are no longer her maid of honor. Expect her to be mad about it and steel yourself for it. Why should you feel bad? She’s using you. Do not feel bad about telling someone “no, I’m not going to let you use me.” 

    Post # 13
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    This is crazy. Just say no and bow out. She can’t force you to be a Maid/Matron of Honor OR throw her all those parties AND pay for her wedding! 

    Post # 14
    47279 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If you are old enough to have known this woman for 20 years, you MUST be mature enough to say NO. People can only take advantage of you to the extent that you let them. Stop letting her.

    Post # 15
    1684 posts
    Bumble bee

    “So-and-so, I’m sorry but unfortunately I can’t stand as your maid of honor in your wedding. I really appreciate the invitation but I just don’t have the time/I am a maid of honor in 3 other weddings/I have to wrestle a bear/I have a personal medical issue that prevents me (allergic to crappy friends).” 



    Also, who the everloving hell just shows up with receipts and demands the maid of honor pay for their wedding purchases? 

    Also also, it is literally NOT YOUR PROBLEM if she doesn’t have any friends. There’s obviously a reason. You reap what you sow. 

    Also also also, sounds like the very best scenario here involves her becoming your enemy and you don’t have to deal with her again. 

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