Feeling forced

posted 3 months ago in Parties
  • poll: Should I just refuse to throw the jack and Jill for her?
    refuse to throw the party : (7 votes)
    8 %
    Refuse to be her maid of honour and create an enemy : (52 votes)
    60 %
    Throw the party and risk the high chance of nobody attending : (0 votes)
    Drink wine and then obnoxiously refuse any part in this wedding : (28 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee

    …..Nah.  

    Post # 33
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  This is crazy! Take previous advice and tell her you cannot do it and please keep us posted. You can do it!!!!!!

    Post # 35
    Member
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  It’s not normal, my maid of honor threw me a shower but she and I have been best friends for 15 years. Just keep saying no and if her behavior continues, decline to be in the wedding party at all. Maybe not even attend as a guest, when is the wedding?

    Post # 36
    Member
    725 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2020

    Tell her you’ve had enough. Stop being her maid of honor. Don’t go to the wedding. Tell her no, then stop responding.

    “I have told you multiple times what I cannot do. Your requests of me are increasingly out of line. At this point, I have to step down as maid of honor. Please stop contacting me about your wedding. I wish you the best.”

    Done. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    12316 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  “Is it even normal for a bride to demand her maid of honour throw parties? I’ve heen in several weddings, never had a bad experience before.”

    It’s completely inappropriate, but if you’ve been here awhile you would find some consolation in seeing that she’s not the only bridezilla out there. 

    If she continues to harass you you need to step down whether she likes it or not. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    8919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  You are making this way too complicated, by trying to control HER behavior.

    Telling her why the party is a bad idea is trying to control her behavior. You’re trying to make her not want the party. Or make her stop asking you to throw it. Well, she wants it and she wants you to throw it. You can’t change that. What you CAN do is tell her “I’m not throwing any parties.” Period. End of story. No need to say why, just say no.

    Telling her she should pick a different moh is trying to control her behavior. Instead of telling her what she should do, tell her what you are going to do, such as “I am stepping down, I am no longer in your wedding. I wish you the best.” If she invites you as a regular guest, it will be up to you whether to attend or not. If she stops speaking to you, win-win right? And if she keeps insisting that you are her moh, you can either ignore it completely and don’t respond, or use the Broken Record technique: just repeat the exact same phrase over and over no matter what she says. Something simple like “I am not standing up in your wedding.” 

    Post # 39
    Member
    4607 posts
    Honey bee

    No.

    It’s two letters.  It is way easier to spell and type than that overly complicated spineless wishy washy drivel you posted.  Try using it and stop being a masochist who gives overly long complicated reasons she can argue with and mixed messages where you directly contradict yourself. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    2667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

    She obviously is asking an acquaintance to be a Maid/Matron of Honor because she has no friends because she’s a bitch. 

    I would say dump her as a friend as well. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    517 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    Simple reply, Insert name, I appreciate you thinking of me to be in your wedding it was very kind of you. However, I am going to have to decline and step down. I wish you luck in the planning and hope you have a wonderful wedding.

    Seeing as she has known you since hs she probably knows you are a push over.

    The highschool girl in me wants to reply, I do not have to do anything. We are not best friends. It was a mistake for me to agree to be in your wedding as our relationship is not one that would merit such a request. I am going to have to step down and decline to be in your wedding. I wish you well in the future.

    • I’m her maid of honour and her best friend and I have to be there for her when she needs me. She then informed me that she needs me to help her check out catering.  
    Post # 42
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  can’t you see that she has picked you not out of any real bond but just so that she can use your time and money to have the wedding of her dreams? Why are you going along with this when you both have no history or real friendship? Bow out of this now. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    2713 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  Time to put your foot down.  “X, I am unable to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  This is final and I will not be changing my decision.  Do not contact me further regarding your wedding.”  Then block her on Facebook.  She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do so say NO.  Don’t explain further (you’ve explained, she’s not listening, don’t waste your breath).  Actually, maybe don’t block her on Facebook but put her on restricted at least so she can’t see what you’re posting, but she’s batshit crazy so it might be useful to see what she’s sending you because I see this ending in a restraining order when she won’t stop harassing you.

    Post # 44
    Member
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    uncomfortablemaidofhonour :  I am still completely confused as to why you are still trying to have rational conversations with someone who is clearly unstable and delusional.  You ARE in fact, encouraging this behavior by simply engaging her.  Honestly, I wonder if such a delusional person is in fact, actually getting married.  How do you know this to be true?  

    If you want the madness to stop, then stop engaging. Block her on FB and all other social media and block her from your phone.  LOSE her as a client!

    Based on your post and updates I’m skeptical that you actually want this madness to stop.

     

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