(Closed) Feeling frustrated

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can tell that you are bothered but it doesn’t sound so bad overall.  I myself have three banks & two insurance companies!

There must be reasons that you know about for why he hasn’t saved any money in the last few years. Even if it wasn’t for a ring, I assume he would have tried to save money in general. So is there something going on there?

I wouldn’t be too offended that he left you out of the account switching, it sounds like he was doing you a favor (like keeping the burden from you).  Can you imagine how annoying it would be if you had to remind him to do those things? Instead he just went and did it.

Post # 5
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

@hfwildcat: If you want to get engaged sooner, why let money get in the way? Is there any way you’d consider getting a less expensive ring? Also, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with helping to pay for the ring! What he spends isn’t equivalent to how much he loves you. I can understand being upset that he hasn’t saved anything, but I wouldn’t equate that to not wanting to marry you.

All this said, it sounds like it will make a lot of sense to have a serious talk about timelines or you may be living together without an engagement for some time. 

Post # 6
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@hfwildcat:  Its funny because my bf of almost 4 years has the opposite problem, he has plenty of money just waiting to be spent on a ring but instead he spends his money investing in his hobbies, has no sense of urgency with planning a proposal. Its crazy how life works-my ex was flat broke but wanted to marry me after like 6 months of being with me but didn’t have the money for a ring. 

I have learned as a woman, I will never have it all. My advice to you (although I hardly feel qualified to give any) is that however you work it out-it should be him buying the ring-not you. If you want to get engaged ASAP-than maybe you could consider widening your ring preferences a bit? (some people buy the setting they want and just use a cheaper stone until they can afford a diamond) Or you could discuss with him your concerns and suggest he may need to stick to a strict budget for the next few months in order for him to come up with the money. If he wants to marry you, a few months of a tight budget is an easy sacrifice. 

I’ve told my man I would be happy with a band, I don’t care about diamonds or the four C’s or any of that junk. All I care about is the gesture and what it means to me. All I friggen want is to hear him ask me, if he didn’t have a ring I would still say yes. I have literally taken money out of the equation and he still cant seem to propose. Crazy ain’t it? 

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