- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
just wanted to share my feelings with you cos I’m not feeling that good tonight…. probabily it’s just a way to vent, I don’t know..
well first of all I have to thank all of you for helping me out in my “Alex I love you” project.. you actually make me very happy and I appreciate it a lot!!! =) but here is what’s happening tonight…
So it starts with FRUSTRATION.. because I’m trying to lose weight.. I’ve been dieting and exercising for the last 3 weeks, kind of.. I mean.. I’ve been eating much better and less calories and I’ve been excersised a lot more than usual, even tho not every day because I don’t always have time.. So, the first week, where I didn’t even do that good I lost 2 Kg, but for the last two weeks, where I feel I did even better… NOTHING!!!
I tried to check if at least I’v lost some centimeters, but nothing!! my pants still barely close and my tops are still tight… only things that got smaller are my BOOBS!!! I don’t want my boobs to get smaller.. my belly, my tights, my arms.. but not the boobs!!! Also I think that my wrists got a little smaller cos I wore my watch today and it was lot more loose…
I mean.. COME ON!!! BOOBS AND WRISTS???? are you kidding me?? all these effords for no results?? =( so.. here is the frustration…
but then I come here.. and I see some sad stories, or some of you in big trouble, anyone for their own reason.. and I feel so stupid an guilty!!! guilty for feeling sad or frustrated for a stupid reason like weightloss!! =( I feel so bad, so selfish for thinking that I have “problems” while this is nothing compared to what some of you are going thru right now… so I feel bad.. because I should be happy and grateful for what I have and how I am.. and I am grateful!!, but then I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see.. I don’t know.. I feel so bad, and confused!!! =((
And all these mix of bad feelings just make me wanna go eat something!!! =(
how can I send the bad thoughts away? cos I know that if I eat something I like right now, maybe something sweet.. they will go away for a few minutes, but then they’ll come back, and it’d be even worse cos I would feel even more guilty for eating junkfood… uffff… this is so stupid!!! I know it, but at the same time I can’t do anything about it!!
So sorry to bother you with this.. I just feel so bad and confused right now!! =(