(Closed) Feeling Guilty

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t worry about the hate part, but yes, a HUGE part of me feels that a wedding is a total overexpense.  Everyday I’m like, why are we not just doing this at the courthouse for 50 bucks again??  I rationalize it by knowing it’s making my parents, and my fi’s parents, extremely happy and that they are so proud…but yes, I totally have the guilt. 

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yes, I would love to have a tiny wedding, but I know i’m doing this for my parents and FI’s parents. (Actually, I couldn’t care less about doing it for FI’s parents considering the type of people they’ve been in the last six months… but i have to make it work!)

My parents are paying for mostly everything, and that makes me feel guilty too. They don’t accept when I offer to pay for things though… they want to, but I know they really shouldn’t pay for this stuff. I’m trying my hardest to make it cheaper on them!

Post # 5
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree. Somedays I just want to scrap the whole thing and go down the courthouse but then I remember how we want it to be a special day with all of our friends & family there.

Post # 6
Member
5282 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s a bummer that we let other people bother us, and I’m in the same boat! Fiance was the one who really wanted to just jump on a plane and elope in Mexico. What is sad is that the only reason he wanted to do this was because his parents were stressing him out so much 🙁

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t feel guilty about the expense on the part of my parents or FI’s parents because they’ve made it clear that they WANT to have a wedding and are excited about it. I feel guilty about the BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor spending money since we’re younger and have less, but then I stop myself and remember that I’ve done it/will do it for them too. But, yeah, I totally know what you mean.

Post # 8
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That is exactly why I have run myself completely down by doing everything myself.  I even feel bad writing out a to-do list for when all of our bridal party gets into town.  I am having a hard time getting over it. 

It helps to see everyone so positive and excited to help.  My family and future family have been great about that.

Post # 9
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Goodness, I am SO glad you posted this. Lately I’ve been thinking about how much this whole shebang is going to cost and while my parents are generous, I feel guilty about just… taking… that money from them. And I don’t know what to do!

Post # 11
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have moments like this. I didn’t want a big wedding in the first place for exactly this reason. But our families insisted and my friends practically asked to be bridesmaids, so it’s hard to feel too bad. Although I am going out of my way to register for inexpensive items (we could easily buy them all ourselves), have an inexpensive bach party and make the bmaid dress affordable.

On the flipside, I do have one bmaid (whose wedding I was just in and spent over $1,000 and tons of weekends preparing) who is kind of putting a damper on things. She is totally unreachable since she got married and the one email I get from her every 2 months she goes on and on about her money problems. She still hasn’t even acknowledged my birthday which was Oct. 6th. I want to be a good friend and have already decided to pay for her dress (FI and I decided together), but it’s still really dragging me down. She hasn’t given me any sign that she wants out as a bmaid, but I still kind of wish she would stop complaining about money all the time or at least not let that be the only thing we ever talk about. Sorry for the tangent.

Post # 12
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m finding that even though my parents have made it abundantly clear that they are THRILLED to host (aka pay for) the wedding, it still doesn’t make it easy to accept it!! 

Post # 13
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

You are not alone. 

I feel super super guilty about taking money from my parents for the wedding. I wasn’t expecting any and they offered us 5-7K. I tried to turn it down but they said it was their job to do as much as they can for us. I love the sentiment but I think they are taking it out of my dad’s retirement fund! I feel like they need that money there more than I need a nice wedding. 

I also feel super guilty for wanting a nice wedding at all. My Fiance would really just like to elope and he thinks spending money on the wedding is silly because it is just a one day thing and as long as we end up married who cares about the rest. I’m lucky that he is letting me do what I want because he wants me to be happy… but I feel so guilty that we’re spending all this money that could be going for a house or other things!

Post # 14
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I offered to elope, and my mom wouldn’t hear it. I have no idea how much they’re going to gift us, and I’m sure it will be more than enough and they can definintely afford it. Man alive…that’s a down payment on a house that we’d never be able to afford otherwise. I don’t know why, but it totally and completely makes me cry.

Post # 15
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’m the one who is being stingy, my mom keeps wanting to add things and spend more. they actually gave me a budget, said spend what you want and keep the rest. when i say i don’t want to add on things because i want to have money left over to put in the bank, my mom says she’ll give us more! i tell her no, we don’t need all of those things of course. but i don’t feel guilty for what we are spending. yes, it’s a lot for one day. but it’s our wedding day. we only get one wedding day.

Post # 16
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Yep, I hear you.  Especially trying to reconcile spending all this money during the current recession.  But, family keeps reminding me it’s a special, once in a lifetime event, and it’s worth it!

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