(Closed) Feeling Guilty…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MsGinkgo:  A 99th birthday is literally a once-in-a-lifetime event.  A wedding is MAYBE not.  So I think your choice is objectively fine.  Subjectively, I think it’s fine as well — 99!!!!  That’s awesome!!!!

Post # 4
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

I would not feel guilty for a 99th birthday!  Maybe if it was a 70th or something, but 99 is something significant.  So is next year’s birthday. 🙂 May he live many, many more!  Congrats to him!

Post # 6
4895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Don’t feel guilty! I bet your friend understands. Can you two go out to lunch soon and look at wedding pictures and talk about her day?

Post # 7
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsGinkgo:  I wouldn’t feel too bad. You will get to see pics and all that good stuff. Yeah, it sucks missing a wedding, but a 99th birthday is absolutely amazing and something not a lot of people get to celebrate. Enjoy the day 🙂

Post # 8
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MsGinkgo:  I wouldn’t worry about it. You have a very valid reason. Also, you took the time to get and ship a gift, which is an added bonus for the couple. I’m assuming you said no before her RSVP deadline so you are not causing her any “final numbers” headaches.

Post # 10
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MsGinkgo:  I would choose family over friends every single time. It’s not like you aren’t going because you decided you’d rather rent a movie and eat a pizza. You’re legitimately busy and have no reason to feel badly about that.

You’re still sending a gift and being a good friend – don’t feel bad.

Post # 11
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MsGinkgo:  Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t worry then. We had a short engagement too, and I’ve had a few friends not be able to make it due to that + our weddign being awkwardly close to the holiday season, and there are no hard feelings.

Post # 12
228 posts
Helper bee

Family always comes first when I set priorities.  If this birthday turns out to be your grandfather’s last, you may regret not going the rest of your life (although I hope he has many, many wonderful years ahead of him). 

Post # 13
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MsGinkgo:  It’s ok to feel bad about it, but as a good friend I’m sure she’ll understand that you have family obligations as well.

Post # 14
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

@peachacid:  +1! 

Try to not feel too guilty.  Weddings are once in a life time event (mostly), but so is a 99 bday party for your grandfather.  I think that family has to trump friendships in cases like this.

Post # 15
7288 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Really it doesn’t matter what the occasion; if you’re already obligated for that day, an understanding friend would not take offense over your missing their wedding. They would likely be disappointed or sad, of course, but not offended. You’ve bought a gift; perhaps find an occasion when you can travel to that other province and celebrate with the couple after the fact. Don’t feel guilty because life is full of occasions where you’d wish you could be in two places at once; you just have to pick one and do the best that you can.

Post # 16
2291 posts
Buzzing bee

He’s going to be 99 years old; that’s a pretty big deal.

I understand why you feel guilty, BibbleSkip, but this is a perfectly valid reason to skip the wedding. There’s no need to feel guilty, especially if you told her a while ago. She’ll be just fine on her wedding day.


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