Post # 1
So here’s the quick story…my fiance and I are from the midwest. Our hometowns are about three hours apart, but we met and lived together in his hometown for a few years. Shortly after becoming engaged about a year ago we moved across the country for his work. After making the move we decided to have the wedding at our new home (a big farm in the mountains) since we figured it would be really special to have our friends/family see where we were starting our new life together and it would save a lot of money on a reception hall/travel costs for us.
Now we’re about two months out from the wedding and I’m feeling incredibly guilty about the financial burden we’ve placed on some of our friends and family. We’ve tried to be really accomodating…I set up a website to help people find less expensive places to stay and where to find the cheapest airfare and transportation. We’re even letting several people stay with us and helped others find people to share rooms with to split costs. We are shuttling people to/from so they aren’t forced to rent cars and we’re hosting a big party the night before the wedding to thank everyone for coming.
Even with all of this, I’m now feeling really guilty and selfish about the inconvenience that this has caused people. We knew we wanted the wedding to be special and unique, but now I’m almost dreading it just because I know some of our friends are stretching their budgets to attend. Have any of you had similar feelings and what did you do about them? PLEASE help!
Post # 3
Oh!! No!! Dont feel that way!!
People want to be with your to celebrate on your special day!! Those that can make it will come, those for whom it is too much of a problem won’t. But don’t you worry about it. It sounds like your location is perfect for a wedding and people will love to be able to see you new home and share in your special day!
Had our wedding gone ahead, half of our guest list would have been flying to the UK from Ca and they were all happy and willing to do it. (long story as to why it was cancelled but it was not because people were unwilling to spend thousands to fly across the atlantic)
People are just happy that you want them there, they will make it there if they can. Do not worry!! Just relax and enjoy your day!
Post # 4
I had a lot of these same feelings regarding our wedding. My husband and I met and live in DC, but I’m from Washington State and he’s from Delaware. We chose to get married in Connecticut because that’s where my grandparents live and they no longer travel. No matter where we had the wedding, 99% of the guest list was going to be from out of town.
We had family and friends from Washington, Oregon, California, Alaska, DC, Connecticut, Arizona, Delaware, Missouri, Peru, Italy… I mean, from everywhere. So we kept our guest list small and only invited those who were closest to us. Some people decided it was too much to travel and didn’t come. That made me sad, but the people who did come really REALLY wanted to be there, despite the cost and hassle. Not a single person who came said anything about the cost or hassle, and I know some of them aren’t exactly flush with cash. They just wanted to be there.
Your family and friends want to come celebrate with you. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of the stuff that we did to make it as convenient as possible for our guests to get there – and that’s great! I’m sure everyone appreciates your efforts!
Post # 5
Don’t feel guilty. They are coming because they want to do so. Maybe it’s easier for me because I figure I’ve already paid most of my dues to my friends, traveling across the country and even to a different country for various weddings. But all you can do is make it as easy for them as possible. Traveling for weddings is not unusual at all.
Post # 6
Don’t worry about it. People can manage their own finances, and if they are coming, it’s because they want to. If anyone found it an extreme hardship, I am sure they would have just replied no.
Post # 7
@bekahbee: I’ve had to battle this feeling, even though we aren’t really expecting to have any out of town guests at our wedding. Honestly, read this post: http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/you-guys/ – your wedding is not an imposition to people who love you, and its one of the things that I keep silently thinking in the back of my head as this all goes along. Try and be the best/most gracious host that you can (and it certainly sounds like you are doing that!) and let the chips fall where they may – people who streach their budgets to come to your wedding are doing so because they love you, your wedding is important to them. You’d do the same for them, right?
Post # 8
Don’t feel that way!!!! I know I’m not in the minority when I say that I find weddings like mini-vacations. It’s something you save for, plan around, and have fun with!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t let yourself feel bad about it. If it was too much for them then they wouldn’t come ya know? I’d say that the vast majority of my guestlist was from out of town as well. My husband is from the Netherlands, and while I’ve lived in Cali for most of my life, many of my friends have moved away or I’ve met them online, etc. If they love you and have the time/money, then they’ll be there.