(Closed) Feeling guilty and worried about wedding costs :(

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 3
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Ugh just looking at pricelists for things is making me sick! I thought $10,000 was a do-able budget for destination and we’re at 24,000! Luckily my mom is giving us $10,000 but i was hoping to not go over at all 🙁


Post # 4
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sucks! going over budget is awfull and even spending 10.000 seemed like a giganitic amount of money to spend on one day. I guess there is no way around it, and I do believe your family, who might not be in the best financial situation will realize that it is a wedding, and weddings are mostly elaborate and sparkly, they won’t feel like you are trying to make them feel, i dunno jealous. 

How do you build your account back to it’s original shape….SAVE a shitload off money! Don’t eat out, stop buying things (in general..you really don’t need new coffeemugs or a bathmat) depending on your income you should be back to normal in a few months..

AND…enjoy the day you are spending all that money on, and really take it all in, you want to really appreciate all the work and money you’ve put in to it! 

Post # 5
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@reynaweddingbee:  Weddings are a sink hole for money, period. But you do them once (hopefully) and should not feel guilty about it.

I find a lot of people feel bad about spending on a day when they have friends/family in not great financial situations but IMO you should think about that realistically. Do you feel guilty every other day of your life because oyu’re in a better situation? If you weren’t getting married would you be giving that money out to family and friends to improve their situation? More than likely… no. Everyone’s situation is different and to feel bad about what you have when others don’t, isn’t going to help you.

If you took that 20,000 and didn’t get married and put it on the house, you’d still have $20,000 those other people didn’t and be that much closer to mortgage free when they’re not. Would you feel guilty about that?

Everyone has their choices in life and you should not feel guilty that you want to have a great wedding. Enjoy your time, be respectful and not talk about finances with friends/family that may be struggling, but do not feel guilty.


And about your accounts after, you’d be surprised, you’ll end up with cash from some people, or you could get items to improve the house that you would have done which will bounce you back. I “registered” for home depot gift cards, citing that we wanted to do home improvements and home depot has no registry, and we got a lot of those which is allowing us to put in our backyard fence and replace the toilet that we wanted to do long before the wedding. Your account will be better than you imagine, so please don’t stress about that, you have enough other things on your mind already 🙂

Post # 6
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Unfortunately that’s the wedding industry. The same thing happened to me, but to have the wedding I invisioned we have to shell out the dollars. In the end you will enjoy the day you wanted and you should!

Post # 7
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Every time I look at our budget spreadsheet it makes me want to cry. It affects the FI even mor than me as he fels so guilty for it especially as our parents are funding most of it as we have no savings.

Its crazy where the money goes, ours is looking to be £15k (which is in budget but we were hoping to come in under and that doesn’t include a honeymoon)

The really crazy thing is that we are doing so much purselves and it’s still insane. We’re self catering so food is almost at cost, we’re doing all the flowers except bouquets ourselves, I hade the invites, programmes, confetti cones, signs, photobooth props (its not a real photobooth just a gazeebo with my camera on a table), we’re even making the confetti itself by harvesting roses from my relation’s gardens.

However the empty venue was £3.5k, registrar fees £450 so that’s £4k for a barn with a few tables and chairs (no linen)

The things I could have done cheaper were bridesmaids dresses (bought them online and by the time I realised how much shipping and inport duty was, I had spent so much time choosing them, I just thought f*ck it) and the videotographer which neither I or FI really care about except that my Gran is too old to travel the 400 miles and I want her to be able to see it.

So yes, hopefully it will be a great day but it does seem a lot of money for a day.

Post # 8
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sorry for the bad spelling, on my phone

Post # 9
49 posts
  • Wedding: April 2015

Yes, the same happened with us We planned on having a $10,000 budget and our venue/food/alcohol alone is a ittle over 12,000. So we will probably be shelling out about $18,000. And taking a step back looking at these figures its a pretty good downpayment on a home in our area. But on the bright side, this will hopefully be a once in a lifetime thing and you don’t want to have any regrets. But Ive realized that as long as you’re not shelling out tons of money for something that really isn’t that important in the grand scope of things then you shouldn’t feel too bad about it. Honestly, when is the next time you get to have all your close family and friends together celebrating a day for you and your FI?

Post # 10
9240 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I understand.  Our $12,000 budget, which already made my fiance nauseous, is now at $16,000 and counting.  

I think you just have to embrace that what’s done is done, and you’ll have an absolutely beautiful and memorable day to show for it.  As I told my guy, it’s really the worst of both worlds if we spend all that money but also regret it and feel guilty at the same time.  May as well embrace it, and all the joy and fun it will bring!  Good luck.

Post # 11
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I have a small wedding  budget and I feel like crap, just thinking about money is stressing me out. Yes its our dream to have a wedding, we feel like we deserve a real party, but the numbers are going up everyday. I feel bad of even wanting a “real” wedding went we have kids to support, bills to pay and we are working for the minimun wage.

Post # 12
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Me and FI were lucky enough that we had enough saved already to cover the wedding but still it’s hard to spend so much on just one day, especially when we’re also saving for a house. Everything adds up so quickly and it’s so easy to go over budget. On top of that we’re also having a reception in India, and his Dad is pretty much running that one. Theres already some touchiness over that reception so it’s tough to keep reminding his Dad that everything will be more expensive than he thinks. (Especially since his answer to that is that he will pay – but we don’t want to make him do that)


The way I’m rationalising it is that firstly it’s a one time deal, and secondly I’ve made up my mind to enjoy the wedding planning as much as possible so that I get a whole year of fun out of it. (Not as in I want to be centre of attention for a year, but I’m enjoying planning, reading wedding blogs etc)

Post # 13
21 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can totally relate to all the ladies here….my FI and I are stressing out about our budget…we’ve gone over our budget SIGNIFICANTLY. It seems that all the things we want after the wedding are going to be even more a struggle now since we are depleting our savings accounts. Luckily, my parents chipped in a good amount, but we ended up paying for so much. It makes me sad and angry that purchasing the home we love will now have to be put on hold until we can get our savings back in order…I really regret having such an expensive wedding but at the same time, I feel like I would regret not having my dream wedding. I feel so selfish and greedy, because the money that we’re scraping together could go towards things we really need…like a new home or saving for future children. I just hope that our savings accounts can jump back up after the wedding. Not to mention, with our money being so tight, it’s caused a lot of tension and stress in our relationship 🙁 Money seems to be the root of all evil sometimes 🙁 I hate it but I love it at the same time….

Post # 14
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@reynaweddingbee:  We are having a small wedding.  FI is a financial planner so we had a budget and stuck to it by itemizing all expenses prior to following through.  No stress here.

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