(Closed) Feeling Guilty- Gifts from those not invited to the wedding….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think there would be any good way to invite her.  Coworkers (ones with some social grace, at least) realize that guest lists are limited.  It sounds like this woman is just genuinely happy for you and wanted to give you a gift.  No need to feel guilty- send the thank you and enjoy it!

Post # 4
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t feel guilty! She probably is just happy for you and wanted to give you something nice. 

A few months ago, I sent a gift from the bride’s registry to my cousin’s fiancee for her bridal shower. I wasn’t invited to the shower, probably because I live far away, but I was so happy for them, I really just wanted to give her something! I would take it as a legitimate kindness and send a thank you note, but don’t extend a last minute invite. I’m sure she understands. 

And congrats on your upcoming wedding! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If she was that hurt she wasn’t invited, she would not have given you anything!  I wouldn’t worry about it.  Send her a thank you card and let it go 🙂

Post # 7
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Don’t feel guilty! Write her a very nice thank you note. And maybe send her a wedding announcement after the fact with a note saying you were sorry you couldn’t invite her but are so happy to work with her and thankful for her gift.

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

use your “guilty feelings” as an excuse to get to know this person better. It is too late to invite her, and you don’t want her to feel like she’s bought her way into an invite by giving a gift, but someone who gives a nice gift out of plain old thoughtfulness and caring is someone you want to keep close to you.  Hand-deliver her a thank-you card and consider asking her to lunch — you can pay, or the two of you can go dutch, it’s not about repaying the gift but rather giving you a chance to get closer to someone who is clearly worth having in your life.

Post # 9
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I personally would invite, just say some seats open up. I would rather have those seats filled than lose money. Also thank her for the gift!

Post # 10
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just be gracious and accept the gift in the spirit in which it was likely given.

She is happy for you and wanted to wish you well.

I wouldn’t extend a last minute invitation. That might make her feel that her gift prompted the invitation when that wasn’t likely the case.

Post # 11
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@candykiss:  Don’t invite her. It’ll look odd and she might find it super awkward as well. I think you should just look at it for what it is – she is being generous. I don’t expect to be invited to any of my coworkers’ weddings and I am not offended if/when I am not. You have to cap the guest list somewhere.. you did nothing wrong.

If she was doing this just to make a point or make you feel guilty, she would not have given as much as $100.

Post # 12
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i would ask her if she’s found a dress for the wedding, and when she acts surprised … say what you didn’t recieve your invite i wondered why you never meantion the wedding. but thats just me i would fell guilty too and would want to find a way of inviting her without it seeming to tacky… i maybe well off the mark, i’m not overly good with ettiquette. 

Post # 13
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

“Don’t feel guilty! She probably is just happy for you and wanted to give you something nice.”

 

This. She sounds very sweet and generous. Send her a thoughtful thank you note.

Post # 14
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

DON’T feel guilty. She freely gave you a gift despite knowing full well she was not invited. She appears to be one of those rare but priceless individuals who understands that we simply cannot invite everyone we’d like to, and who feels so genuinely happy for you that she wanted to give you something.

I’ve gotten a few gifts from friends of our family whom I would almost certainly have invited if we’d done a larger wedding, but as it was, just couldn’t include them.

Take it for the lovely gesture it is, write them a thoughtful thank you note, and then try to include them the next time you entertain a large group (if you can).

 

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t feel guilty!  We received some of our most generous gifts from people not invited to the wedding.  I think a lot of times coworkers appreciate not being invited and having to decide if they go and be uncomfortable with all your family they don’t know, or how do they decline, and then do they have to send a gift…

Anyone who wants to get you a gift to celebrate, whether or not they’re invited can.  And it’s still a gift – given without expectations of anything in return. 

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