(Closed) feeling guilty – is this too much to ask of them?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oooo i totally feel you. Is there ANY wiggle room? i mean, they are all going to Cabo with you! How cool!

What if you pay for their hotel room?

Post # 4
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Cabo sounds like soooo much fun! I know what you mean about feeling bad having them spend so much money. Could you offer to help just a little bit? Not pay for all of the hair and makeup but like half or something just to help them out a little bit. Or like ejs said pay for their hotel room. You could help them with a night or two at the hotel. You could always ask your bm what they would prefer help on paying for. You mentioned that you might help them with dress or hair/makeup. Personally, I would assume as a bm that I would be paying for my dress and hair/makeup so I wouldn’t really expect the bride to pay for any of that.

Post # 5
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well first of all, you’re not asking them or making them to go to Cabo (that’s awesome, btw!). They are planning that themselves (at least that’s what it sounds like from your post) so you don’t have to feel bad about any of those expenses. What are you planning on doing for their Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts now since you can’t do the hair/makeup? I feel like it’s pretty standard (and this is what I’m doing) for the girls to pay for their dress and their accomodations for the wedding. Any wedding I’ve ever been in, that has been the case and I’m fine with it. As long as you’re not requiring them to do professional hair and makeup then you don’t have to worry about the cost of that because they can choose if they want it or not depending on their finances. I think, if it’s not in the budget to gift them the hair/makeup or the dresses, you should think of good and perhaps personal gifts for them which, while they might not be as expensive, would have a lot more sentimental value and meaning. I think that’s what I’m going to do although I haven’t decided on what yet.

Post # 6
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’ve been a broke bridesmaid before, and although I never really felt upset at the brides for “making” me pay for the required stuff (dress, travel, etc), I would have definitely rather they put the funds they spent on the bridesmaids gifts toward these essentials.  Although the gifts I received were very thoughtful and generous, they weren’t necessarily things I would have spent money on my own.  That’s just my preference though, and I wasn’t bummed at the way things turned out – I knew what I was getting into financially when i agreed to be a bridesmaid!

Post # 8
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with above posters – I think that NOT paying for their hotel, hair, makeup is totally what is expected.  You also have to take their financial situation into account.  If they are students, or unemployed, etc, they would probably appreciate you paying for their hotel rooms as their gift.  Another way to save them $$ is to allow them to buy their own dresses.  This is a trend right now and you can find tons of pics of bridesmaids in different shades of the same color, same color from same manufacturer, all different colors, etc.  I went with black and told my girls that if they already have a black dress they should go ahead and wear it – I was the same way, I didn’t want to make them spend a lot either and ours is semi-DW as well.

Post # 10
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think the hotel room sounds like a great idea!  In terms of making the gift personal, you could do something like frame a pic of you + individual bridesmaid, and write a sweet note on the back;  maybe you could even arrange for the frames to be placed in the hotel rooms before they arrive or something?

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@buttons, I think that’s awesome =]

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’ve been struggling with this same issue. luckily my bridesmaid and moh are my sister and sil, so my mom is paying for a lot of their stuff, but they still are throwing me an awesome bachelorette party (taking me on a surprise trip) and throwing the shower. but then when i think about it, i did the same for my sil (we took her to ny) and will do the same for my sister some day, plus i’m just really broke right now. they know i love them and appreciate them, and they also know that they don’t have to do those things, i actually said that i wanted something low key. but like i said, when it’s my sister’s turn, i just have to return the favor and throw her some kiss ass parties.

Post # 13
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you are being totally reasonable.  You are picking inexpensive bridesmaid dresses and giving them the option of hair and makeup.  There isn’t much more you can do!  The dresses I picked are over $300, so I am subsidizing over $200 of the dress for each of them, letting them wear shoes they already have in the color I have requested (the dresses are long anyways) and telling them that it is totally up to them how they want to do their makeup/ hair and totally up to them if they want it to be professionally done. 

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I think paying for the hotel rooms would be a great idea – a nice treat.  Its such an expensive time, and your girls sound like they are really happy just to be bridemaids and hopefully they won’t expect any expensive gifts / gestures.

Post # 15
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009 - Phoenix Art Museum

I think paying for wedding expenses is AWESOME (from a Bridesmaid or Best Man perspective) – most of the time, no offense, Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts just suck/are useless…

From a bride’s perspective, having a lot of Bms is nice, but also costly! I think as long as you’re not demanding crazy things, then it’s ok. Seems like you have your head on straight, so I wouldn’t worry. Maybe instead of gifts, you could pick up the hotel rooms for them to crash at?

Post # 16
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I totally understand where you are coming from.  Like Mrs. Louboutin, I am subsidizing the dresses by giving them each $75, making the dress just shy of $200 (wish I could have done more), but also allowing them to choose their shoes, and make their own decisions on hair/makeup.  I honestly don’t think you are being unreasonable at all! 

I have been in several weddings and never had anyone offer to pay for any of the wedding expenses.  I didn’t expect it so it wasn’t a big deal.  When you agree to be in someone’s wedding, you are committing to shelling out $$.  As long as you are being reasonable (which you are), you shouldn’t feel guilty.

The topic ‘feeling guilty – is this too much to ask of them?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors