Post # 1
I wasn’t sure where to post this so I thought Encore would be the best.
My FH has deleted all of his wedding photos and all traces of photos of his ex wife for that matter.
He also threw out all of the hard copy photos both of his wedding and of ones that contained him and her together.
I didn’t ask him to do it. In fact I expressed with great concern I thought it would be a mistake. I did however ask him to put the hard copy ones away in a box and place that box in the basement, and the ones on his computer, I asked if he could put them on disc and put that in the box with the photos.
He tells me that he really doesn’t care and that he won’t regret it. He says he couldn’t care less to ever see them again and that my/our happiness is all that matters.
I feel SUPER guilty about this. Should I?
Post # 3
Sounds like it was his choice.
Did they have kids together? That would be the only reason I could see for keeping them! (i.e. the kids might want to see them someday)
Post # 4
What about the family pictures? My friends mom passed away right after to her wedding and even though she is divorced now and re-married she has her first wedding pictures hanging in her house b/c of the family pictures.
Post # 5
He picked out the ones of his side of the family alone, or he with them, but the ones that had his ex in them at all? Gone.
He was pretty persistent about this.
Maybe it was a “cleansing” for himself? Maybe doing it for “me” was the excuse?
Post # 6
You didn’t ask him to do it, so I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s likely his ex still has some as well. I’m guessing it is a cleansing ritual, plus practicality. I mean, how many times is he going to pull out pictures of his wedding with her to look at?
I agree with ddw, unless there were kids, I would see no reason to keep them around either, especially if he still has the ones of him with his family.
Post # 7
There were no children from this marriage.
And, while not outright volatile with each other, they are not “friendly” and had a clean court house divorce that was not contested by either of them.
Post # 8
You shouldn’t feel guilty and honestly, if I didn’t have children, I would have done the same thing. I kept a few of my first wedding photos so that my children could see them if they ever want to. Other than that, to me, they serve no purpose. I definitely don’t think you should be feeling guilty about it!
Post # 9
I agree with the other posters. Since there were no children resulting from the marriage, there’s no reason to keep them around. It sounds like he has bad feelings and memories from the last marriage, and if throwing them out made him feel better, that’s what counts. Don’t feel guilty!
On the other hand, anyone considering doing this that has children, please consider otherwise. My husband’s grandmother made his dad keep the pictures from his first wedding. It was special for us to go through and look at them.
Post # 10
my hubby did this too – when he was getting ready to move (while engaged), we found all his old pictures from wedding, honeymoon etc. i wanted it to be his choice what he did with it all and didn’t want to feel like he was pressured (although of course i really wanted him to get rid of it).
that night when we left his apartment to go get dinner he grabbed all of it and threw it in the dumpster. i think it was very freeing for him and helped give true closure. he didn’t know why he had kept any of it as it was a short and unhappy marriage, but i think he never had a reason to throw it away. i think it also keped him to kinda of throw away all the guilt he was carried around about this huge mistake he made. it really surprised me when he did it so suddenly, but i think it was good thing and he has shown/voiced zero regrets.
funny when we were at his parents house over xmas and had our wedding video to show them. i found his first wedding video and before i could say anything, his mom grabbed it out of my hand and tossed it in the trash compactor. (actually i would have liked to see it………)
Post # 11
My mom did this with her first husband and my grandmother kept the wedding album. It wasn’t until I was about 8 that I learned she had been married before. (no kids). She now has the album in the attic due to my grandmothers passing and she wants to get rid of it. I convinced her to keep her portraits and a family pic… but really… there’s no reason for her to have them.
On the flip side. 2 friends of ours got divorced after she cheated on him… 1 year into their marriage. He’s gotten rid of everything to move on with his life and she was asking me to design her a wedding album. Now that… I think is insane.
Post # 12
Nope, don’t feel guilty, it’s his choice.
I’m divorced, I don’t want stuff around from my previous marriage either.
Post # 13
it was his choice. I’m divorced and I did the same thing. And I’m glad I did :).
Post # 14
totally his choice, and it sounds like he made it for his own reasons. no need to feel guilty in that regard.
i’ve kept mine. there are photos in there of family members who aren’t with us any more, and memories i’d like to recall when i’m older and memories fade. our split was amicable. we remain friends. in a way, our wedding was the end of an era, and not the beginning we saw it as at the time. but it was a good era nonetheless, one of personal growth and great memories…and though i don’t need to look at those photos at this time (i was there, i remember the fun and the silly and the happy moments) i’m glad i still have them to look back on when i’m old and gray, if i want.
i don’t need to cut my ex or our memories out of my life, to move into the future with my future husband…and he agrees. there’s room for all of our prior life experiences in our relationship. they’re just relegated to a place that’s appropriate for who we are and what we mean to each other now.
Post # 15
Guess if you remain amicable and your your current S.O is aware of this it might be a different case.
Post # 16
I kept all our photos- but only because we have a child together. I gave them to my mother to put in her attic because I don’t want to run across them in my house, but want them available for our daughter someday. If we had not children, I can’t imagine that I would want to keep them. You should not feel guilty.