(Closed) Feeling Guilty Over Taking a New Job

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 2
Member
7155 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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puppylover12 :  Do NOT feel guilty. If this job is better in the long run, take it. He is emotionally manipulating you. If he’s so concerned, he’ll get a regular full time job too. Couples work different schedules all the time. If he wants to come visit you on his days off, he still can… You’re just working during the day.

Honestly, if you want a new job in general, there’s a slim chance your hours will match your previous job’s hours exactly.

Post # 3
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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puppylover12 :  I started out being an hour away when dating my Fiance & he works full time to put himself thru college. As you can imagine our time was limited! Obviously more time together would’ve been wonderful but that wasn’t possible. Even when you live together sometimes schedules get crazy! For instance right now my Fiance is doing student teaching then immediately goes to his 2nd shift job. I finally am going to college (a few weeks in now!) And still work my 9-5 job. We miss each other of course but we see how important each others goals are so we support each other! This is exciting stuff to achieve & you should feel proud you have set awesome goals. 

He needs to be reminded that you two are a team & its a good thing if one of you tries to improve their own life cuz naturally then the life you share improves! He may be feeling sad or maybe inadequate or any other emotion but try and get him to really talk about those feelings. Who knows whats really going thru his head. You cant work thru a problem if you arent told theres one. You are investing in the future which is worth the present sacrifice. Try and get him to see the big picture here! 

Good luck! I hope your bf sees choices like these are for the best for BOTH of you.

Post # 4
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

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puppylover12 :  background: I worked Wednesday-Sunday. He worked Monday-Friday. We were LDR. I completely understand.

The most important thing is to NOT feel guilty. I agree that he is being passive-aggressive. It will be hard. I’m not even going to try to down play that. However (as I learned), if it was meant to be, it’ll work out. It’s going to take time to figure out a routine. During that time, we got engaged.

I know it’s hard, but right now, you need to do what’s best for you. He should understand that. If he has a problem with YOUR career advancement, maybe there’s something wrong there. When we were LDR, I basically made all decisions about myself without consulting him. IMO (I went by this 95% of the time), unless there’s a ring, he doesn’t get a say. His opinion is nice, but your opinion is most important. 

Post # 5
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

You need to do what’s best for you. He seems to want to hold you down so that you can be more available on his schedule. You should be looking out for you. He might not be what’s best for you if he doesn’t want you to get ahead or achieve your maximum potential for is convenience. 

Post # 7
Member
985 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

So glad you decided not to let him hold you back! That would just have led to resentment.

Post # 8
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

Good luck with your interview! It sounds like your BF might be a little afraid of change. He’s probably just scared that he won’t get to see you as much, but being on better financial ground is REALLY important. 

Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

 

Never ever ever ever let a boyfriend hold you back in your career! I made that mistake once and never will again 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

To me this is telling of his character.  I understand, you are long distance and he wants to see you, but you also need to focus on your career and supporting yourself.  I am glad you are not letting him hold you back, I definitely think that is the right call.  His support or lack thereof will tell you a lot about what kind of future you could have with him if you guys choose to take the next steps.

Post # 11
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I hope your interview went great! You made the right choice to make the career move. Your happiness should be his happiness. If your relationship is strong, it will continue to thrive. 

Post # 13
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If he really wants to be with you, he’ll be supportive and make the effort to work around your new schedule to see you. If he doesn’t make the effort, you’ll be glad you didn’t put your goals on hold for him.

Post # 15
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

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puppylover12 :  Yay! I’m going through something similar right now (interviewing while in an LDR) and got a similar reaction from my boyfriend at first. Eventually though, they come around once they see how excited you are and you’ll both learn to figure it out. Imagine this as your first foot-in-the-door, as a way to build yourself up to full-time and start saving enough money for a wedding and other future plans. Lastly, yeah, like what was mentioned before, most standard professional jobs follow more of a M-F, 9-5 schedule. Eventually this would happen to one of you, anyway. It just happened to be you, so congrats! 

Perhaps you could both move in together halfway between to spend more time together? (If you’re into that).

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