Post # 1
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
Hi Everyone!
I am currently working part-time, but I am looking for a full time position (I want to save money for going back to college, wedding, moving out, etc.) I have been applying to various job positions and got a call back from an awesome property management company! Earlier today, I had a phone interview…which went amazingly and the recruiter set up a face to face interview with the hiring manager. The pay is great, it’s local, and they have a great reputation of promotions.
However, when I mentioned this to my boyfriend he wasn’t too happy. He works full-time (retail) and has 2 days off per week, which wares the same 2 days off I have at my current job. The position I am interviewing for is the traditional Monday-Friday, 9-5. He doesn’t seem very supportive of me trying to move into a higher position and further my career. He keeps saying, “it’s your life”, and “don’t let me or our relationship get in the way”…which seems passive aggressive to me. He thinks we will never see each other (we live an hour away) anymore and it makes me feel guilty. I explained that we aren’t the only couple out there where both individuals work full time, and we need to make do with what we have. I’m just bummed because I really wanted him to be happy/proud of me trying to advance my career, and say “we will find a way to work it out, don’t worry about it” instead of his initial response.
If anyone can shed some light and add some perspective, I would appreciate it! 🙂
Post # 2
Member
7155 posts
Busy Beekeeper
puppylover12 : Do NOT feel guilty. If this job is better in the long run, take it. He is emotionally manipulating you. If he’s so concerned, he’ll get a regular full time job too. Couples work different schedules all the time. If he wants to come visit you on his days off, he still can… You’re just working during the day.
Honestly, if you want a new job in general, there’s a slim chance your hours will match your previous job’s hours exactly.
Post # 3
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
puppylover12 : I started out being an hour away when dating my Fiance & he works full time to put himself thru college. As you can imagine our time was limited! Obviously more time together would’ve been wonderful but that wasn’t possible. Even when you live together sometimes schedules get crazy! For instance right now my Fiance is doing student teaching then immediately goes to his 2nd shift job. I finally am going to college (a few weeks in now!) And still work my 9-5 job. We miss each other of course but we see how important each others goals are so we support each other! This is exciting stuff to achieve & you should feel proud you have set awesome goals.
He needs to be reminded that you two are a team & its a good thing if one of you tries to improve their own life cuz naturally then the life you share improves! He may be feeling sad or maybe inadequate or any other emotion but try and get him to really talk about those feelings. Who knows whats really going thru his head. You cant work thru a problem if you arent told theres one. You are investing in the future which is worth the present sacrifice. Try and get him to see the big picture here!
Good luck! I hope your bf sees choices like these are for the best for BOTH of you.
Post # 4
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
puppylover12 : background: I worked Wednesday-Sunday. He worked Monday-Friday. We were LDR. I completely understand.
The most important thing is to NOT feel guilty. I agree that he is being passive-aggressive. It will be hard. I’m not even going to try to down play that. However (as I learned), if it was meant to be, it’ll work out. It’s going to take time to figure out a routine. During that time, we got engaged.
I know it’s hard, but right now, you need to do what’s best for you. He should understand that. If he has a problem with YOUR career advancement, maybe there’s something wrong there. When we were LDR, I basically made all decisions about myself without consulting him. IMO (I went by this 95% of the time), unless there’s a ring, he doesn’t get a say. His opinion is nice, but your opinion is most important.
Post # 5
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee
You need to do what’s best for you. He seems to want to hold you down so that you can be more available on his schedule. You should be looking out for you. He might not be what’s best for you if he doesn’t want you to get ahead or achieve your maximum potential for is convenience.
Post # 6
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
Thank you everyone for the advice! I have my interview tomorrow, and I plan on taking the job if it is offered.
Post # 7
Member
985 posts
Busy bee
So glad you decided not to let him hold you back! That would just have led to resentment.
Post # 8
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee
Good luck with your interview! It sounds like your BF might be a little afraid of change. He’s probably just scared that he won’t get to see you as much, but being on better financial ground is REALLY important.
Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
Never ever ever ever let a boyfriend hold you back in your career! I made that mistake once and never will again 🙂
Post # 10
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
To me this is telling of his character. I understand, you are long distance and he wants to see you, but you also need to focus on your career and supporting yourself. I am glad you are not letting him hold you back, I definitely think that is the right call. His support or lack thereof will tell you a lot about what kind of future you could have with him if you guys choose to take the next steps.
Post # 11
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I hope your interview went great! You made the right choice to make the career move. Your happiness should be his happiness. If your relationship is strong, it will continue to thrive.
Post # 12
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
UPDATE: My interview (this morning) went amazing, I honestly don’t think it could have gone better! I interviewed with three of the team members, and it seemed like they got along and truly enjoyed their roles/company. They told my I was the first candidate they interviewed, so that kind of makes me nervous that they may forget about me after all the interviews 🙁 I really hope I get this position. Fingers crossed!!
Post # 13
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
If he really wants to be with you, he’ll be supportive and make the effort to work around your new schedule to see you. If he doesn’t make the effort, you’ll be glad you didn’t put your goals on hold for him.
Post # 14
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
UPDATE #2: This is an update on my boyfriend. We talked more about this and he told me he was just afraid of the potential change and not being able to see me as much. Basically what @hintsofjoy said. He has been very supportive since I told him more about the position and he saw how excited I was. So, all is good! 🙂
Post # 15
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center
puppylover12 : Yay! I’m going through something similar right now (interviewing while in an LDR) and got a similar reaction from my boyfriend at first. Eventually though, they come around once they see how excited you are and you’ll both learn to figure it out. Imagine this as your first foot-in-the-door, as a way to build yourself up to full-time and start saving enough money for a wedding and other future plans. Lastly, yeah, like what was mentioned before, most standard professional jobs follow more of a M-F, 9-5 schedule. Eventually this would happen to one of you, anyway. It just happened to be you, so congrats!
Perhaps you could both move in together halfway between to spend more time together? (If you’re into that).