- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2012
I’m feeling a little guilty today.
My Future Brother-In-Law is getting married this weekend. Fiance & I aren’t going. Neither are FI/FBIL’s parents. Or grandparents. In fact, when we talked to Future Mother-In-Law this week, she said that the only family the groom will have at the wedding will be 3 cousins.
The groom’s family has decided not to attend for a few reasons.
First, because of the way the couple has treated the entire groom’s family for the last 18 months. It’s been quite clear (as in, written in emails, said in so many words, as well as general nastiness) that the couple wanted very little to do with them (us). Nobody from the groom’s family is welcome to visit the house that the couple shares. Even when his parents are in town – from out of state – AND they have made plans weeks ahead of time, they’ve been met in the driveway and told that they can’t come in the house. (They were turned away completely just a few minutes later.) There’s a history of tension.
Second, all of the groom’s family lives out of state (1,000+ miles from the couple.) Most of them (including his mom & dad) have at least 1/2 of the couple with a job that are busiest from Labor Day through mid-October; the kind of jobs where they CAN’T take a day off work. (For example, one’s a kindergarten teacher at a special needs school, the contract says no vacation or personal days until after Oct. 15).
Between the general relationship and the wedding date, family didn’t think it would be a trip worth making. Due to flight schedules, they’d have arrived just an hour before the wedding started – IF there were no delays… and it’s a 90 minute drive to the venue from the airport. (There are only 2 flights/day between the airports in question. It’s an 8 hour trip because of layovers, plus driving times.)
But I’m still feeling kind of bad for Future Brother-In-Law. He can be an idiot, and he’s made some crappy choices lately, but I can’t help but think that his wedding day is going to be a little sad for him. I can’t imagine not having my (living) parents, brother or grandparents at my wedding.
Fiance & I made a deal about attending the wedding. If his brother tried to reach out & patch things up, or showed any gesture of kindness, good faith, or wanting a decent relatuionship again we’d go. He hasn’t even responded to FI’s attempts to contact him over the last several months. (“Hey, how’s it going?” or “Did you see that new movie? You liked the last one by that director” type emails and texts.)
Fiance sent his brother a wedding gift – though we haven’t heard if they received it. But he doesn’t want to support this union – he doesn’t think it’s in his brother’s best interest.
I already have a pretty good relationship with my future in-laws. I don’t live near them, but whenever I see them they’re nice to me. Sometimes Fiance calls his parents while we’re together and puts them on speaker phone so I talk to them too. Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law have stayed in my guest room for a week, it was a pleasant visit. But I think that my relationship with FMIL/FFIL & their extended family is contributing to my guilty feelings. The future in-laws are already talking about how excited they are for my upcoming wedding to Fiance.
Do I have anything to feel guilty about? Have I done something wrong?