(Closed) Feeling Guilty. We aren't going to his brother's wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4893 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. Your Future Brother-In-Law and his fiancee have severed the ties with your Future In-Laws. It wasn’t yours or your FH’s or anyone’s fault but theirs. Your FH has tried, but it’s just not going to happen. It’s your FBIL’s loss. 

I’m sorry this is happening to you. 

Post # 4
724 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  My sister and her boyfriend have been dating for a year.  When he first came into her life she started talking to everyone less and less and now it’s been two months since I’ve last spoken to her, with no big blowout or anything.  We used to be best friends.  She ignores everyone’s calls and texts, even our mom.  The only friends she still has are ones he likes and hangs out with too.  We’ve tried everything to fix our relationship with her and she’s just plain not interested.

She and her boyfriend can go to h-e-double hockey sticks as far as I’m concerned and no way would I attend their wedding.  If your situation is anything like this, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.  There is no point running after someone begging for their attention when they’ve made their wishes very clear, even if they’re family.  I hope he pulls his head out of his butt soon but until then, I think you’re doing the right thing.

Post # 5
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

No, I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. You’re also projecting your preceived feelings on Future Brother-In-Law, which he may not be having because he kind of sounds like a dochenozzle. I don’t know what possible reasons he could have for not inviting his own parents into his home, but if he’s willing to do things like that and act petty and stand-offish when people genuinely try to reach out…then maybe he just doesn’t give a crap about his family and that’s that. Can’t force people to be something they aren’t. And some people just don’t have ‘normal’ emotional reactions to things.

In this case, it sounds like the family you’re marrying into are fine and normal people for the most part, and that Future Brother-In-Law has gone off the rails for his new wife (or maybe he’s always been weird). I’d focus more on your relationship with them and let your fiance sort out his relationship with his brother himself. If the man’s own family has made their peace with not going to his wedding because he’s been a jerk, then you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all. Just be glad they love you and are excited for your wedding.

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