Post # 1
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Does anyone else feel as guilty as I do about how much money your family is spending on your wedding day. I feel terrible about it. I wish I made enough to pay for it myself. My grandmother has put a lot of money in it already and we have just began to plan. I know she only does it because I’m her only grand-daughter but I feel like I’m being selfish. I just want to save them as much money as possible. I’m not sure if this feeling will ever go away. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you justify the cost of getting married?
Post # 3
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
Honestly, when I think about the money being spent on my wedding (we are having a practical amount for us) it also makes me think about where else the money could be spent or not spent at all! However, this is your family, they love you, they want to do this. Unless you were sitting there demanding they spend such and such amount of money, then yes, I’d say shame on you and feel bad. Just be thankful they are wanting to help put this very important day together for you, they want it to be special and as my parents said, they couldn’t think of any other way to spend the money. The Fiance and I are saving money to, and almost as much as both my parents (they are divorced) are contributing so really, for me, I feel like we are contributing just as much too. If it really gets to you how much is being spent, stick to a certain number for your budget and try to spend it wisely. If there are things you think are not worth the money and you are only including them because of the extra money being given to you—don’t include it. It’s up to you and your family how the money will be spent on the day, but, since they are contributing and they may want a certain thing here or there, then by all means let them—it’s their money after all they may want some things included (i.e. open bar, bigger meal, band vs DJ, etc). Try not to beat yourself up 😉
Post # 4
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
I know what you mean. Both our parents contributed money towards the wedding. The amounts were not the same, but thats because some have more to spare then others. I definitely feel a bit guilty for accepting such large amounts, especially in this economy, but we wouldn’t be able to have a wedding if it were just up to us… well we could but it would have to be a TINY TINY one.
Post # 5
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If they didn’t want to give you money, they wouldn’t have. Nobody’s ever obligated to pay for a family member’s wedding. Showing that you are grateful and appreciative is all they ask for.
Believe me, my dad could have easily afforded my wedding, but he didn’t believe in giving us money for a "party" when we could have just as easily gotten married in Vegas for 1K. He didn’t want to give us money, so he didn’t. Plain and simple. (ok except for our honeymoon which was our gift). So the fact that your family is helping you is great and they WANT to help. But, if you feel guilty, scale back a little and tell grams you want to go to a spa with her for a day so she can get some pampering, too =]
Post # 6
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Well the great thing about our venue is that it is beautiful and provides everything for us. So I guess I should spend less on the dress, decorations, favors etc. and put more money towards the food and alcohol. I was told that people will only remember the food and how drunk they got. I love my venue and that was my grandmothers gift to me. She paid for the venue and I love her for it…..I just want to do something really really nice for my parents, In-laws and my grandmother for putting in as much as they are. If it were not for them I could only afford to elope.
Post # 7
Member
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I see what you’re saying, try to find a nice way to show your appreciation without spending too much money on them, though…I know my parents hate for me to spend money on them when I’m saving, and since they get that you can’t afford for your own wedding, I bet it’d bug them if you spent money on them! Have them all over for a really nice home cooked dinner. Like, pull out all the bells and whistles, make rack of lamb and risotto or something! Thank them all, toast them, and dig in =]
Post # 8
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
Our family (so far) isn’t paying…although not for lack of trying. I know just what you mean about feeling guilty, in that respect — I don’t really want them to pay, not just because I don’t want them to be able to have that kind of control over the wedding (because their expectations are a lot different than mine), but also ’cause I don’t want them to have to shell out $$$ to finance one day in my life!
*HUGS* The main thing is, they offered. And, like my grandmother told me the other night, they WANT to help you pay for this. Many parents actually look forward to it, so that they can give you "your special day". =) So try not to feel guilty.
Post # 9
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
I totally know what you mean. My Fiance and I are paying for a good portion of the costs, and my sister who is very well off financially also offered to give us a couple of thousand dollars to put toward wedding costs, which was unbelievably kind and generous of her. But, what I feel really guilty about is that my Mom is contributing a pretty large share as well…money that I know she is struggling to come up with and could definitely use for other things. I know she really wants to do this for me, and she helped my sisters with their wedding….but things were different then because my Dad was around then too. He has since passed away…which brings up a whole other set of emotions. As much as I appreciate her help (more than I can even begin to say), I do feel very guilty about the fact that we’re taking so much money from her. I totally hear you sammibean6110….completely. Thanks for this post…glad to hear there is someone else in the same boat. 🙂
Post # 10
Member
35 posts
Newbee
Thank you for this post. Wedding guilt is hard. It sounds like you are trying to spend wisely and I think that is the most important thing.