(Closed) Feeling Horridly out of place

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

…maybe I’m missing something, or am clueless, but what kind of comments are you expecting with wearing a ring on your finger?  Especially ones that will make you feel like a prude or freak?

Post # 4
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m not Christian, but I am a reasonably private person. I don’t think that not wanting to share those details with your co-workers makes you immature, or them “liberal,” to be frank. I think it makes them nosy. If you’re freaked about comments (asking about the wedding planning? asking about your relationship?), I think you need to learn to perfect the big smile and the “Oh my goodness, we haven’t made any firm decisions yet. But thanks for your well-wishes!” line. If for some reason your co-workers are asking you sexually explicit questions, you need to say, “Actually, my boyfriend and I prefer to keep that part of our lives private.” And if they harass you, take it to HR.

To clarify, though: are you freaked out about having to plan a wedding, with little to no experience? Having to tell other people about your wedding-planning experience, with fear that they’ll judge you? Or having to field questions about your relationship — how long you’ve been together, if you’re living together, etc? Or is it just the idea of being the center of attention that’s freaking you out (not uncommon for introverts of all political beliefs and religious creeds!)? In short, can you clarify your nervousness a little for us so we can help you work through it?

Post # 6
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Jeez… Is it that bad? I understand you want to keep it private! Maybe just take your ring off when yiou go to work and just keep it quite?

Post # 8
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’ll deal with a peanut gallery no matter where you are trust me, if people are particularly noisy about their opinions though I would just keep my plans to myself and tell them you have everything handled and don’t want to talk about things at work but thanks anyway. Not sure what this has to do with being liberal though. I Work in a very liberal city and people aren’t necessarily like that. Sounds like these people are just nosy rude loud mouths! Do what is right for you and congratulations!

Post # 9
Member
5662 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Seeing your last postalso – if you don’t want to pla. A wedding and be the center of attention then don’t! Go to Maui and get married on the beach with the one person that makes getting married worth  it all!

Post # 10
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m kinda confused. I am not sure what you are asking. But that being said, I have never been to a wedding, and never even thought or dreamed about getting 

married. I made fun of the girls who ha e had it planned out since they were 5, that’s how not in to wedding s I was. 

I think for me the turn was doing this because I want to, not because it’s what I should do or I’m supposed to do.  The rest will come. Just breath.

As for the living together comment, I live in a very conservative über Christian area,  I get funny looks and comments when tell people fi and i don’t live together, so that’s a people thing not a conservative liberal thing

Post # 11
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You could always wear your ring on a chain around your neck at work.  That way it’s close to you, but these crazy coworkers of yours won’t see it!

 

I am unsure why you think this is because they are liberal.  They sound nosy!  I worked with a group of women last year who were nosy in this way…but they were pretty conservative.  

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think this has more to do with your workplace then anything else. It’s none of their busiiness and those topics shouldn’t even be up for discussion. I live in a liberal place too, and I know plenty of atheist like myself, who don’t beilive in living with their boyfriends before marraige. I would say it’s pretty normal and in my experiecne it’s a some people do it, but not all.

Post # 15
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

We got lots of comments about not living together, too. Ultimately, it’s no one else’s business.

If you don’t give you co-workers information, they won’t have anything to feed off of. I’ve also noticed that telling people “That’s personal” tends to shut them up. It’s the line I use when people ask about when my husband and I will have kids.

In terms of your questions about wedding planning, you’ve got us. We loving helping out here. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

Agree with PP’s that this won’t happen just in the workplace.  I had a random salesman ask me if I was sure I should be getting married to someone I haven’t lived with yet.  Seriously, dude?!  Although, that was my own fault for divulging such information.

That really stinks that these brauds are judgy loud mouths, but personally, I would hate having to hide one of the happiest times of my life just because of a few women who’s opinions don’t matter.  If it REALLY bothers you that much, the ring on the chain thing might help.  And just answer any planning questions with, “It’s going!”  That’s what I did…

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