Post # 1
Out of curiosity (and boredom), at work, I decided to search for my husband on Google. What came up shocked me. He has an account with Suicide Girls. I knew that he had had one in the past (before we met) and he had told me recently he was looking at some of the pictures on there to get ideas for photoshoots with me, but I didn’t know he had a full profile and was making friends on there.
Plus, he lists his status as “not telling” and, in one of his blog posts on there, refers to me as “a friend” (in reference to a link I sent him). He is listed as having a “crush” on another user. I don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean, but it bothers me.
All of this wouldn’t bother me nearly so much if we didn’t have sexual problems in our relationship. I want to go to marriage counseling (or preferably sex therapy, but the nearest one is about 90 miles away), but he refuses, saying there’s nothing they can do for us. I don’t know what to do. I think I’ll confront him about this profile tonight, but I don’t want him to get mad at me for snooping. I honestly didn’t expect to find anything of this nature, I just thought I might see if he had any listings in local papers or anything.
Post # 3
I wish you luck with this. I am not familiar with the website you referenced, but I would also be very hurt.
Hopefully you can calmly talk it through and come to a solution to make things better.
Post # 4
Can you tell if his account is active? Could it just be his old account that he doesn’t use anymore?
Post # 5
All I can say is that I’m really sorry you had to find out about it this way, and that couple’s counseling would be the next best step (after you talk to your husband of course)
Post # 6
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think you have the complete right to be hurt by this situation, I would be.
I really think that you need to tell him what you found and how you feel about what you saw. I think it is disrespectful of him to have this profile and to mention you as a “friend”. He decided to marry you and that is a bond that should be respected.
I really hope the best for you and hope that he loves and respects you enough to get counselling. Please keep us updated.
Post # 7
I’m so sorry. This would really hurt me too. Explain to him that you were searching for privacy’s sake (you wanted to make sure your names and addresses weren’t listed anywhere creepy – I do this all the time). Then tell him what you found – and ask him if he has anything he needs to tell you. Give him a chance to explain himself and come clean before you fly off the handle. When he is done tell him that this has really hurt you, and damaged your trust. If he wants to work onyour marriage and gain back your trust he needs to agree to go to couples therapy with you.
Good luck hun
Post # 8
@artbee: His account was only created this month and he has blog posts up to yesterday.
Post # 9
Well you should definitely talk to him and ask him to come with you to couples counseling.
As for “snooping”, people google each other all the time out of boredom. I wouldn’t worry about that.
Post # 10
@irishwife: That’s……horrible. 🙁 I really don’t know what advice to give except you obviously need to confront him, and that I wish you the best and *BIG HUGS*.
Post # 11
You have the right to feel hurt, and I would address this as soon as possible. I agree with couples therapy.
Post # 12
I definitely think this is something you should talk to him about, but I would prepare yourself for him to get angry of you “snooping”. That is NOT to say you are guilty in doing so, but if he does feel guilty for being caught, angry and accusing is usually the first response you will get from him.
On the other side, I just happen to be one of those ladies that doesn’t really have an issue with my guy looking at that kind of stuff. In my mind, it’s just a ‘guy’ thing. We have a very healthy sexual relationship, so I don’t take it personal. BUT, if you two are having intimacy issues like you said, then I might be a little more concerned. I would have an issue with him referring to himself as “not telling” which basically means single in my eyes.
Maybe try approaching it from the stand point that the things you found really hurt your feelings, and less from an accusing stand point. Give him an opportunity to explain, and try and keep the conversation calm if at all possible. Good luck!
Post # 13
Wow, I am SO sorry you are going through this. You are completely in the right to be upset about it. I wish you luck in your discussions. ((BIG HUGS))
Post # 14
I’m sorry if I sound naive but what exactly is Suicide Girls? Is it just a website with pictures of girls or is it a social networking site too?
Not knowing the exact nature of the site (and I’m at work so I don’t wanna go to it), I would be SO upset if my Fiance was telling anyone in the last month that he has a “crush” on them–even just online. I’m really sorry you’re going through this and I wish you strength and luck in dealing with this.
Post # 15
Suicide Girls is a website that tattooed or ‘modified’ woman have profiles and portfolios of their edgy and usually nude photographs. You have to be accepted into Suicide Girls to be one, but that is the gist of it.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry! You definitely need to talk to him about it. I’m not really familiar with the website either so I can’t really comment on that. But, I would say that you need to push him to go to counseling. You don’t want the issues to get too far without dealing with it. I’m not married, so I can’t really speak from personal experience, but I know friends of mine who let it get so far that by the time they went to therapy, it was too hard to deal with everything. Good luck in your discussions with him. Sending lots of warm and supportive thoughts to you.