(Closed) Feeling Hurt

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wish you luck with this. I am not familiar with the website you referenced, but I would also be very hurt.

Hopefully you can calmly talk it through and come to a solution to make things better.

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Can you tell if his account is active? Could it just be his old account that he doesn’t use anymore?

Post # 5
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

All I can say is that I’m really sorry you had to find out about it this way, and that couple’s counseling would be the next best step (after you talk to your husband of course)

Post # 6
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think you have the complete right to be hurt by this situation, I would be.

I really think that you need to tell him what you found and how you feel about what you saw. I think it is disrespectful of him to have this profile and to mention you as a “friend”. He decided to marry you and that is a bond that should be respected.

I really hope the best for you and hope that he loves and respects you enough to get counselling. Please keep us updated.

Post # 7
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m so sorry. This would really hurt me too. Explain to him that you were searching for privacy’s sake (you wanted to make sure your names and addresses weren’t listed anywhere creepy – I do this all the time). Then tell him what you found – and ask him if he has anything he needs to tell you. Give him a chance to explain himself and come clean before you fly off the handle. When he is done tell him that this has really hurt you, and damaged your trust. If he wants to work onyour marriage and gain back your trust he needs to agree to go to couples therapy with you.

Good luck hun

Post # 9
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Well you should definitely talk to him and ask him to come with you to couples counseling.
As for “snooping”, people google each other all the time out of boredom. I wouldn’t worry about that.

Post # 10
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@irishwife:  That’s……horrible. 🙁  I really don’t know what advice to give except you obviously need to confront him, and that I wish you the best and *BIG HUGS*.

Post # 11
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You have the right to feel hurt, and I would address this as soon as possible. I agree with couples therapy.

Post # 12
Member
503 posts
Busy bee

I definitely think this is something you should talk to him about, but I would prepare yourself for him to get angry of you “snooping”. That is NOT to say you are guilty in doing so, but if he does feel guilty for being caught, angry and accusing is usually the first response you will get from him.

On the other side, I just happen to be one of those ladies that doesn’t really have an issue with my guy looking at that kind of stuff. In my mind, it’s just a ‘guy’ thing. We have a very healthy sexual relationship, so I don’t take it personal. BUT, if you two are having intimacy issues like you said, then I might be a little more concerned. I would have an issue with him referring to himself as “not telling” which basically means single in my eyes.

Maybe try approaching it from the stand point that the things you found really hurt your feelings, and less from an accusing stand point. Give him an opportunity to explain, and try and keep the conversation calm if at all possible. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, I am SO sorry you are going through this. You are completely in the right to be upset about it. I wish you luck in your discussions. ((BIG HUGS))

Post # 14
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry if I sound naive but what exactly is Suicide Girls?  Is it just a website with pictures of girls or is it a social networking site too?

Not knowing the exact nature of the site (and I’m at work so I don’t wanna go to it), I would be SO upset if my Fiance was telling anyone in the last month that he has a “crush” on them–even just online.  I’m really sorry you’re going through this and I wish you strength and luck in dealing with this.

Post # 15
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Suicide Girls is a website that tattooed or ‘modified’ woman have profiles and portfolios of their edgy and usually nude photographs. You have to be accepted into Suicide Girls to be one, but that is the gist of it.

Post # 16
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry!  You definitely need to talk to him about it.  I’m not really familiar with the website either so I can’t really comment on that.  But, I would say that you need to push him to go to counseling.  You don’t want the issues to get too far without dealing with it.  I’m not married, so I can’t really speak from personal experience, but I know friends of mine who let it get so far that by the time they went to therapy, it was too hard to deal with everything.  Good luck in your discussions with him.  Sending lots of warm and supportive thoughts to you.   

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