(Closed) Feeling hurt by My FMIL…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

No, your Fiance needs to step in. There’s nothing you can do or say that’s going to change her mind or not make you think worse of her.

He needs to tell her that it’s unacceptable how she’s acting, that the two of you are a unit now and that no matter what she thinks, you are the girl of his dreams and he doesn’t want to hear another negative word out of her mouth. That should shut her up.

Honestly, if he doesn’t do it, you’re going to be left like this for the rest of the relationship, and that’s something you should consider. (((hugs))) and take some time out to be cheered up by your 3 year old! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, I agree that your Fiance needs to be the one to step in. He knows how to handle his mom and should actually want to.

Post # 5
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You need to have a chat with your Fiance and he needs to talk to his mother.  You two as a couple have decided to get married.  You both decided to live together, and he has decided he wants to marry you even with your 3 year old.  Those are all decisions that have been made and he should tell his mom that she needs to stop talking about it.

Post # 6
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh I’m so sorry! This is terrible and you should not be made to feel as such! I echo all the other ladies, Fiance needs to jump on this situatuins ASAP because if he doesn’t this unacceptable behavior from Future Mother-In-Law will continue!

Post # 7
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

(((HUGS))) That’s so awful, I feel horrible for you!

I agree with the previous posters who have said that it’s time your Fiance had a candid conversation with his mother. Regardless of how she feels about it, it’s his decision to marry you, and how can she bring herself to trash talk you like that?

Did she realize at any point that you had overheard her?

Post # 8
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I really hope she was not aware you were still upstairs when she said what she did. You don’t owe her any explanation or aplology for anything you’ve ever done, and she should be ashamed of herself for discussing what is nobody’s business but yours. What about being proud of you for taking the more difficult road and keeping your child when the alternatives are easier and readily available?  Her son CHOSE you,and you deserve to have everything done for you as they’re doing for the other bride to be. I hope you can find the strength to not let her ruin this happy time.

Sons & Mothers seem to sometimes have a weird dynamic, but I agree with everyone that he needs to step up and tell her he doesn’t appreciate how you’re being treated. There’s a possibility it might not change anything, but at least maybe she’ll learn to accept what’s to be and be a little more kind.

Post # 9
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with all the above posters- You need to have a serious talk with your Fiance about how this makes you feel and the way it is impacting the preparation for and the day of the wedding. Explain that you feel you are a unit now, since you are getting married, live together, and are helping raise a child together now, and he needs to step-up and protect that from his mother. It is not right the way she is treating you and your wedding! It also sounds a bit like your Future Sister-In-Law via marriage is in cahoots with your Future Mother-In-Law to keep you in the dark and isolated. Maybe she feels closer to Future Mother-In-Law when she joins her in bitching about you? Either way- rude!

I hope your Fiance steps-up and has the much needed discussion with his mother. In the mean time, keep your chin up. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Oh, please, please don’t think that you’re “whining” – anyone in your situation would be upset!

As for not wanting to tell your family about it because you don’t want them to dislike the inlaws, I understand and I think that’s really commendable of you, given the circumstances. I would have been on the phone with my mother about it well before now for support!

Post # 12
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry this happened to you. I too have a child from a previous relationship and would be so hurt if I ever heard my Father-In-Law say anything like that. Luckily they have been so welcoming to us both.

I think this time you need to make sur eFI follows through. If he doesn’t call I would say that they should come over for dinner and then talk to to her about it then. What she said is uncalled for and the way she is treating you is really hurting you AND Fiance.

 

Post # 13
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ll throw in my two cents here, and say that he NEEDS to step in.  It becomes you and him as the primary family, and parents, siblings, what have you are next.  When we went to visit his mother a couple of years back, the house was horrible.  There was no place to sleep, dirty sheets, and it was infested with ants.  (I know ants happen, but the rest of the stuff made me crazy.)  I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t want to be rude, but Fiance (then boyfriend) took me out of his own mother’s house to a hotel, even when I asked him not to make a big deal about it.  And when his mother said that her house was good enough for his 1st wife, you’d better believe that he stuck up for me.  And every comment since then, he’s had my back in a second.

If it’s like this now, it will be like this forever.  Trust me.

Post # 15
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I think everyone’s come to the same consensus. You just have to make it a priority to him–tell him that either he talks to his mom, or you walk. You’re getting walked all over and made to feel bad about it by his inaction!

I know you wouldn’t really walk (nor do I think you should) but if nothing’s getting through to your Fiance about your feelings, perhaps that would. But i would exhaust EVERY resource before saying that.

Post # 16
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow.  Just wow.  At this point, you should have your Fiance talk to her.  Also, if it was to happen again, I wouldn’t hesitate to walk up there next time and to ask them to please wait until you are outside of hearing range before they put you down behind yoru back.  Seriously, what a judgemental bitch. 

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