Post # 1
Background: I’m not having a shower (would like one but noone has offered to throw one). I didn’t ask my bridesmaids to buy new shoes, they can just wear what they already own. We payed for their hotel rooms for the wedding. I just picked a color/fabric for their dresses and they picked their own style which were mostly about $80–not expensive for bm dresses I don’t think.
12 girls were invited to my bachelorette, only 3 could make it. It was one night hanging at someone’s house playing penis games and going out to eat at a restaurant with an average meal cost of $10. So nothing elaborate/costly (which was fine, I had a good time and I am grateful for my 3bms who pulled it off despite low attendance). 4 of the girls who could not make it are bridesmaids. None of them told me beforehand they wouldn’t be there, I found out through the grapevine.
#1: Would’ve had to buy plane ticket. Sent a sweet card+care package afterwards saying she is sorry she could not attend. I thought it was sweet of her and hold nothing against her
#2: Out-of-state but could’ve drove or taken a bus. Apparently backed out last minute without saying why. Sent a text the morning after saying she was sorry she couldn’t be there and hoped I had a good time. I felt a little bummed that I wasn’t a priority for her but I could get over it given that she at least sent a text. It’s also been a month since the RSVP deadline (good thing we set it early to chase stragglers) and she has yet to send hers in despite multiple requests for her to do so so we know what she and her date want to eat. The RSVP itself is not a huge deal but it’s the principle that she can’t even be bothered to drop a pre-stamped envelope in the mail.
#3: would’ve had to buy plane ticket. Didn’t expect that she would come because she lives across the country but she never said anything like “wish I could be there” or “hope you had a good time”. Nothing at all. I know she saw the pictures from it on our facebook group too so it’s not like she’s unaware it happened. Also, when she got her dress apparently she texted one of the other bms asking her opinion instead of me, the person getting married. Never even told me she was going dress shopping or bothered to tell me after that she had gotten a dress.. I found out from the other bm. We’ve been friends for 18 years.
#4: long bus ride or short plane ride. Was hoping she would come but would’ve understood if she couldn’t….until I saw a picture on Facebook of her at another bachelorette in Las Vegas a week after mine..Las Vegas is literally 10X further away than mine was for her. And she wasn’t even a bridesmaid for that one. She too didn’t bother to say “sorry I couldn’t make it/hope you had a good time”.
Basically, I feel hurt by #2,3, and 4. Especially 3 and 4. Like why didn’t they say “no” when I asked them to be bridesmaids if they had no interest in being my bridesmaids? My fiance thinks I should fire 3 and 4. I think I don’t want to start drama weeks away from the wedding and they did already buy dresses. But now I’m worried how am I going to feel all warm and fuzzy getting ready with them after this? Am I being unreasonable thinking bridesmaids should at least send well wishes for bachelorette if they can’t attend? Any bees been in a similar situation?
Post # 2
I think you’re overreacting.
Post # 3
i appreciate the honest feedback. I do have pms right now so that’s entirely possible lol
Post # 4
No worries 😛 I understand being hurt but sometimes life happens and messages we mean to send don’t get sent. Doesn’t mean they don’t care!
Post # 5
I’m sorry you were disappointed, but with out of state bridesmaids, I also think you are totally overreacting. No one is obligated to send “well wishes” for an evening out with some friends, which is all a bachelorette party really is. Despite the way some seem to treat it, it’s a minor, optional event, and not even “officially” recognized in connection with wedding protocol.
Post # 6
You’re definitely over-reacting. When people live so far away, it’s difficult to expect them to make such a long journey for what’s basically a party. It doesn’t mean they are unsupportive. It just means they live far away. Let it go.
Post # 7
I didn’t expect them to make the journey. Just to shoot me a text or comment on our fb page or anything to show that they care.
Post # 8
If I had to take a bus or a plane to a Bachelorette I wouldn’t go either. I do think I would send a message saying something to the Bride, but possibly not. You shouldn’t take it too hard because it doesn’t mean they don’t support you, you picked these girls for a reason try to focus on that.
Post # 9
This +100! When did bachelorette parties become this srious thing?
OP, I think you need to just cut them a break. With them being out of state, it isn’t unreasonabe that they couldn’t come. I would be kind of irritated with the girl who went to Vegas though. No, you can’t dictate how she spends her time and where, but to blast that all over FB a week after bailing on your event is pretty crappy.
Post # 10
Expectations lead to disappointment. It’s nice that some made the effort to acknowledge your bachelorette party but the others didn’t. Sad but they probably just didn’t think of it/ forgot/ had other intentions…
Post # 11
I know that when I went to Vegas for a bachelorette it was planned many many months in advance.
It’s possible that she made those plans long before your bachelorette’s date was set. So don’t hold that against her.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
I agree, out of state travel would just be too much for a bachelorette. Having to make two plane trips for the party and then for the wedding takes a chunk of time, and a chunk of money, so I do understand why they didn’t come. That said, I learned from my own wedding who the real friends are. Please don’t sweat it. Just focus on your wedding and on your upcoming marriage. Bridemaids and the parties are just trimmings.
Post # 13
I’m in the minoroty here, I think I would be a little hurt that my bridesmaids hadnt communicated that they couldn’t make it, I just think it’s the polite thing to do. I think you shouldn’t have expected them to come to the bachelorette and the wedding as they live out of town and the cost / time involved in doing so, there was a lack of communication but don’t take it to heart, you still had some friends make it and you had fun even if it wasnt what you were expecting. Happy wedding day 🙂
Post # 14
Is there any chance they thought the bachelorette was a surprise for you and didn’t want to ruin it by contacting you?
That aside, I think you really need to take a more realistic view of the whole situation. It is ridiculous expecting out of town, much less out of state, bridesmaids to attend bachelorettes, showers etc. They will be spending enough of their own money travelling to your wedding, even though you are graciously paying for their hotel room.
Post # 15
I would have at least expected them to comment on your Facebook pics, saying ” sorry they can’t make it! , etc….” I mean that’s pretty simple to do! Weddings and planning can bring out the best and worst in people. I understand you bring disappointed that some of them didn’t at least acknowledge your special celebration. Try not to let it get you down, and enjky the wedding with your bridesmaids! I’ve learned in life, we aren’t always treated the way we treat others.