(Closed) Feeling hurt by unsupportive bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
4242 posts
Honey bee

I think you’re overreacting.

Post # 4
4242 posts
Honey bee

No worries 😛 I understand being hurt but sometimes life happens and messages we mean to send don’t get sent. Doesn’t mean they don’t care! 

Post # 5
12806 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m sorry you were disappointed, but with out of state bridesmaids, I also think you are totally overreacting. No one is obligated to send “well wishes” for an evening out with some friends, which is all a bachelorette party really is. Despite the way some seem to treat it, it’s a minor, optional event, and not even  “officially” recognized  in connection with wedding protocol.  

Post # 6
7467 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re definitely over-reacting. When people live so far away, it’s difficult to expect them to make such a long journey for what’s basically a party. It doesn’t mean they are unsupportive. It just means they live far away. Let it go.

Post # 8
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

If I had to take a bus or a plane to a Bachelorette I wouldn’t go either. I do think I would send a message saying something to the Bride, but possibly not. You shouldn’t take it too hard because it doesn’t mean they don’t support you, you picked these girls for a reason try to focus on that.

Post # 9
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
weddingmaven:  This +100! When did bachelorette parties become this srious thing?


OP, I think you need to just cut them a break. With them being out of state, it isn’t unreasonabe that they couldn’t come. I would be kind of irritated with the girl who went to Vegas though. No, you can’t dictate how she spends her time and where, but to blast that all over FB a week after bailing on your event is pretty crappy.

Post # 10
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Expectations lead to disappointment. It’s nice that some made the effort to acknowledge your bachelorette party but the others didn’t. Sad but they probably just didn’t think of it/ forgot/ had other intentions…

Post # 11
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I know that when I went to Vegas for a bachelorette it was planned many many months in advance.

It’s possible that she made those plans long before your bachelorette’s date was set. So don’t hold that against her. 

Post # 12
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I agree, out of state travel would just be too much for a bachelorette. Having to make two plane trips for the party and then for the wedding takes a chunk of time, and a chunk of money, so I do understand why they didn’t come. That said, I learned from my own wedding who the real friends are. Please don’t sweat it. Just focus on your wedding and on your upcoming marriage. Bridemaids and the parties are just trimmings. 

Post # 13
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the minoroty here, I think I would be a little hurt that my bridesmaids hadnt communicated that they couldn’t make it, I just think it’s the polite thing to do. I think you shouldn’t have expected them to come to the bachelorette and the wedding as they live out of town and the cost / time involved in doing so, there was a lack of communication but don’t take it to heart, you still had some friends make it and you had fun even if it wasnt what you were expecting. Happy wedding day 🙂

Post # 14
47286 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is there any chance they thought the bachelorette was a surprise for you and didn’t want to ruin it by contacting you?

That aside, I think you really need to take a more realistic view of the whole situation. It is ridiculous expecting out of town, much less out of state, bridesmaids to attend bachelorettes, showers etc. They will be spending enough of their own money travelling to your wedding, even though you are graciously paying for their hotel room.

Post # 15
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I would have at least expected them to comment on your Facebook pics, saying ” sorry they can’t make it! , etc….” I mean that’s pretty simple to do! Weddings and planning can bring out the best and worst in people. I understand you bring disappointed that some of them didn’t at least acknowledge your special celebration. Try not to let it get you down, and enjky the wedding with your bridesmaids! I’ve learned in life, we aren’t always treated the way we treat others. 

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