(Closed) Feeling hurt by unsupportive bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

Sorry for the typos!!!!

Post # 17
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

I think I might agree with your fiancé regarding 3 and 4. At least get back to someone and wish her well.

Post # 18
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I completely understand how you feel. I do, however, think it’s too late (and not necessary) to kick anyone out of the bridal party. I also was very disappointed by a lack of response for my bachelorette party (I posted about it on here lol), but what’s most important is that you are getting married and I’m assuming that since they’re bridesmaids they’ll all be at your wedding. I would definitely be upset about the Vegas thing, but just try not to focus on that girl as much and hopefully she’ll come around and be supportive for your wedding. 

Post # 21
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
lalanono:  sorry that you’re feeling dissappointed… 🙁 it sucks when things don’t happen the way we want them to. 

however, i think expecting people to fly or take long bus or train rides for one night of inexpensive, local dinner and penis games at home seems like a bit much. IMO, traveling to Vegas is quite different, people are willing to spend the money and travel to places like that. & from what I read of your posts, it sounds like you didn’t really make a big deal out of your bachelorette party, so maybe, neither did they?

I will agree with you though, although it’s not “required wedding protocol” they could have sent a well wish, a regret, or a cute note though. If I were you, I’d let it go and focus on the important thing here – marrying the love of your life! 

Post # 22
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
lalanono:  Why would she hide it from Facebook? Maybe she wanted to go to Vegas and it had very little to do with either party, just a personal choice that she made regarding how she spends her money.

I think you’re overreacting. Its a party.

Post # 23
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Don’t listen to the other bees who act like it’s wrong to have expectations of friends and birdesmaids. I would be bummed if I was in your situation, too. You’re not expecting everyone to drop their lives to bend to your every whim, you just want them to make an effort and to show that they care. After all, that’s what friendship is (and that’s what being a bridesmaid is)! It’s not the fact that they didn’t attend the party, it’s that they didn’t let you know they were sorry they couldn’t attend, didn’t call you after to see how it went, and aren’t making an effort to be involved in wedding stuff. Your feelings are totally valid.

That being said, I think it’s super drastic to “fire” your BMs or start any drama over this. I say just try to let it go and focus on all the positivity going on.

Post # 24
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
lalanono:  Not attending your bachelorette party doesn’t mean they’re not supportive. Not showing up to your WEDDING, now that would be unsupportive.

I didn’t go to an ex-friend’s bachelorette party (it’s a whole shit-storm story), and she was so resentful about me not going for a legitimate reason, that it bordered on being childish.

I’m not a bar-goer, I don’t drink. Why do I need to go to a party where I will literally get no enjoyment out of it, just so some bride can feel special? I think you need to lighten up. People have lives, and they are not required as bridesmaids to come to your bachelorette party. I think you’re putting WAY too much importance on such a silly concept.

Post # 25
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
lalanono:  I been having plenty of issues with my Bm so I can understand where you are coming from.  I’ve come to realize that those who have been with me longer don’t care so much and those of a shorter time are better friends than my bestie. Those i doubted in the beginning have come through for me more than my own best friend. Sometime stuff comes up and what may be an important day is not so important to them. You just have to be greatful for the friends who are by your side. I’ve contemplated firing a few girls of my own but for the sake of my wedding I will keep them and distance myself after as they have done me. If they decide to contact me I’ll be nice. Just some time away after the wedding will be fine to let the dust settle and things may go back to the way they were after the wedding if not fine. They say you see your friends true colors during a wedding (bride or bm) and sometimes it can be enough to ruin a long relationship.  Dealing with multiple women buying dresses and getting days off can be tough.  I have a bm who has yet to order her dress and my wedding is in 4 months. It can get stressful and the little things can trigger a moment. Even though some say you are overreacting that’s fine. Vent and get it all out and move on. Fine something else to occupy your time with. I feel your pain because I have issues of my own. Just talking about it on the bee is not a place for me because what may not be ok for me is totally acceptable on the bee and you will be told to relax. 

Post # 26
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
lalanono:  I agree that it would have been nice if she (as well as the rest of them) had communicated to you, at the very least a ‘hope you have a great time wish I could be there’ but I don’t think she should have to hide her activities on Facebook. It’s not like it was the same weekend and she was in Vegas instead. It was the week after.   

I think that considering they’re all out of state, you’re being way too hard on them for not attending an optional wedding party. ‘It’s only a short plane ride’. I know it’s way cheaper in the States, but you’re still talking probably $100 each way. In Canada flying a province over can run you $300 each way. 

Post # 27
Member
2242 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry, i couldn’t get passed “I should fire”. What do you mean, fire? They are not your employees and dont “work” for you. I didn’t know Bridesmaid or Best Man is a position to be “hired” for. 

Post # 28
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
lalanono:  Of course you’re sad your bachelorette party didn’t goes as planned, but I do also agree with a lot of bees here that expecting people to travel for a night of staying in and playing penis games is a bit much. You never know anyone’s full situation, so how they want to spend their hard-earned money and/or PTO is really up to them. 

The other thing that really stood out from your post to me is that you wish they’d just backed-out of being bridesmaids instead of letting you down and, well, I think I can safely say that a LOT of bees here have been asked to be a bridesmaid when they really didn’t want to be one at some point in their life and can attest to what a tricky situation that is. 

No one wants to be the bad guy and say no because that’s one of those things that potentially ruins friendships, so I would say cut these girls some slack and just be more clear about your expectations with them moving forward. 

Maybe you can do a bachelorette party re-do when they’re all in town for the wedding? We did that for a girlfriend of mine when her Future Mother-In-Law invited herself to the “official” bachelorette party and we had to keep it super tame, so literally 2 nights before the wedding we all took her to a strip club and got her ripped, hehe.

Post # 29
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
jelly3:  Totally agree. I would be hurt too. If the situation was reversed, and I was an out of town Bridesmaid or Best Man and couldn’t attend, I would show the courtesy of sending the bride my regrets, or at the very least ACKNOWLEDGING the fact that the bachelorette party happened by a text or facebook message. It’s the right thing to do.

I also agree however that you shouldn’t “fire” anyone from your bridal party. As much as your feelings are hurt, and it sucks, don’t let that overshadow the fact that you are getting married! Good luck to you.

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