Post # 1
My feelings are hurt. To preface the post – I don’t have a bridal party, just an honorary Matron of Honor.
I have 3 friends working together to throw a bridal shower and a "Girl’s Night." Two separate events weeks apart. I have personally helped throw baby showers for 2 of the 3. The third I helped plan her "Girl’s Night".
The shower is the beginning of Aug. The list I gave friend #1 (that is my Maid/Matron of Honor of sorts) had 35 names. It is literally the SAME guest list from the past 3-4 "showers" (baby or bridal) from the past few years. She was fine with it. We don’t expect everyone to show up. The typical attendance has been about 2/3 come. It is being held at friend #2’s house, since friend #1 (MOH) and friend #3’s houses are small.
Friend #1 had asked me what time, what I would like to eat, did I want games. All those standard questions. She thought everything was decided so on Sunday she prints the invites to mail out (since there is only 3 weeks till the shower)
Friend #1 emails Friend #2 the shower info (after she had printed the invitations.) and Friend #2 freaks out. The time is right at lunch time (11-2) because we have a Saturday night service at church that a lot of us are involved in (or have DH’s involved) Friend #2 wants the time later so that they don’t have to feed everyone lunch. All the other showers have been at the 11-2 time. We have served lunch at all the other showers. Why is mine different?
Begrudgingly Friend #1 changed the time to 2-4. Went and bought more invites and printed a whole second batch! To help her with the added cost I offered to give her stamps, since I have them at my office. Saved her a trip and the cost of postage.
I just don’t understand Friend #2’s attitude. Why is the cost too much for my shower?? I have spent it before on the previous showers. Even when money was tight for me because my ex-DH wasn’t sending child support, I still didn’t complain about the cost. She also made a comment about having the 2 events. She didn’t understand the "big deal" and thought my mom would be throwing me a shower. Um, hello … it is rude for a MOB to host a shower. Besides my mom has SO much on her plate with my wedding, a house being remodelled in time for my wedding and health problems. I think it is rude that Friend #2 would even suggest such a thing
I didn’t even ask for the food to be any different from previous showers. I said sandwiches, fruit, chips and cheesecake was plenty. Not like I asked for it to be hosted at the nicest resturant in town. Geez. When Friend #2 and I co-hosted Friend #1’s baby shower in February she wasn’t this bad.
Post # 3
Maybe she’s tired of hosting showers and it’s kind of ‘the’ thing to do to try to cut costs. I do believe it’s possible to tire of party planning (especially when she may be going through other things in her life).
Don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you deserve the same, just because you did the same for them. Some people just aren’t as gracious.
I’m sorry that you feel ‘gipped’ out of the shower you wanted, but – even without lunch, it will probably be better (with appetizers, etc.) Try to enjoy the day and not let the frugal friend ruin the experience for you.
Post # 4
I am reminded of an episode of Sex and the City when Carrie attends a friends kids birthday and her very expensive shoes are stolen because her friend/host insisted ‘no shoes in the house’. The friend refused to pay to replace the shoes until Carrie reminded her of all the money she has spent over the years – wedding gifts, kids b-days, etc.
I think it would be weird to attend a shower that didn’t have some sort of food item. Confront friend #2 and tell her that just because other people have had showers in the past, doesn’t mean that yours is any less important.
Post # 5
People are just selfish, period. I don’t know what the standard cost of bridal showers are these days but for your friend to think that it’s acceptable for them to not include food is beyond me. Is it even a party if food isn’t involved? I guess I have a hard time tolerating or understanding this because as a friend of yours they should feel nothing but honored to throw a shower for you. Yes, there are times when being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is burdened with cost and I realize that everyone goes through "downs" in their lives where money doesn’t come so easy, but it doesn’t sound to me as you are being a total bridezilla and expecting your friends to spend all of this money on you for this and that- I mean, gees, you haven’t even burdened them having to get the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, the shoes, the hair style, accessories, etc. I know she is not technically "your bridesmaid" but since you aren’t have a big wedding party she shoud still, as your good friend, step up and help. That is what friends do; and to think if she were to put herself in your shoes she would probably expect a lot more than you are asking.
Post # 6
That is a bit strange. And I agree, that the sower should have food. Otherwise it will not come across well with the guests. They’ll feel like they were asked to come to drop off a gift and leave.
Perhaps is friend#2 concerned about feeding people for a reason other than money? Does she feel like she doesn’t have enough space to seat everyone in her home? Perhaps nervous that food or drinks will be spilled on her furniture? When she said she doesn’t want to feed people lunch, did she really mean no food, or that she wanted to have fun appetizers? (Whereas during lunchtime, she might feel obligated to have real meal type foods.)
I can understand feeling let down, especially since you’ve been there planning their showers. But baby showers can be a little different. Baby showers don’t involve BMs. Since this is a bridal shower, maybe she feels upset that she isn’t in the wedding party. After all, your Maid/Matron of Honor is right there next to her and is in the wedding party. Also baby shower events don’t have the extra bachelorette party, either. And it sounds like she isn’t digging doing both. I don’t know if it’s a lack of enjoying party planning, or money or what, but I’d maybe try not to expect too much.
Can your Maid/Matron of Honor try to figure out what the deal with the food is? I just think it’s best for the bride not to get involved with the shower. They are hosting, so they get to decide how much they can afford. I certainly think there should be food, but I think that it should be hashed out between them. I’m afraid if you ask her, when she’s already touchy, it’s going to come across to her like you’re not being grateful and jsut asking them to spend more money.
Sorry. Good luck. Keep us posted.