(Closed) Feeling Hurt!

posted 9 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Maybe she’s tired of hosting showers and it’s kind of ‘the’ thing to do to try to cut costs.  I do believe it’s possible to tire of party planning (especially when she may be going through other things in her life).

Don’t fall into the trap of feeling like you deserve the same, just because you did the same for them.  Some people just aren’t as gracious. 

I’m sorry that you feel ‘gipped’ out of the shower you wanted, but – even without lunch, it will probably be better (with appetizers, etc.)  Try to enjoy the day and not let the frugal friend ruin the experience for you.

Post # 4
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am reminded of an episode of Sex and the City when Carrie attends a friends kids birthday and her very expensive shoes are stolen because her friend/host insisted ‘no shoes in the house’. The friend refused to pay to replace the shoes until Carrie reminded her of all the money she has spent over the years – wedding gifts, kids b-days, etc.

I think it would be weird to attend a shower that didn’t have some sort of food item. Confront friend #2 and tell her that just because other people have had showers in the past, doesn’t mean that yours is any less important.

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

People are just selfish, period. I don’t know what the standard cost of bridal showers are these days but for your friend to think that it’s acceptable for them to not include food is beyond me. Is it even a party if food isn’t involved? I guess I have a hard time tolerating or understanding this because as a friend of yours they should feel nothing but honored to throw a shower for you. Yes, there are times when being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is burdened with cost and I realize that everyone goes through "downs" in their lives where money doesn’t come so easy, but it doesn’t sound to me as you are being a total bridezilla and expecting your friends to spend all of this money on you for this and that- I mean, gees, you haven’t even burdened them having to get the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, the shoes, the hair style, accessories, etc. I know she is not technically "your bridesmaid" but since you aren’t have a big wedding party she shoud still, as your good friend, step up and help. That is what friends do; and to think if she were to put herself in your shoes she would probably expect a lot more than you are asking.

Post # 6
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That is a bit strange.  And I agree, that the sower should have food.  Otherwise it will not come across well with the guests.  They’ll feel like they were asked to come to drop off a gift and leave.

Perhaps is friend#2 concerned about feeding people for a reason other than money?  Does she feel like she doesn’t have enough space to seat everyone in her home?  Perhaps nervous that food or drinks will be spilled on her furniture?  When she said she doesn’t want to feed people lunch, did she really mean no food, or that she wanted to have fun appetizers?  (Whereas during lunchtime, she might feel obligated to have real meal type foods.)

I can understand feeling let down, especially since you’ve been there planning their showers.  But baby showers can be a little different. Baby showers don’t involve BMs.  Since this is a bridal shower, maybe she feels upset that she isn’t in the wedding party.  After all, your Maid/Matron of Honor is right there next to her and is in the wedding party.  Also baby shower events don’t have the extra bachelorette party, either. And it sounds like she isn’t digging doing both.  I don’t know if it’s a lack of enjoying party planning, or money or what, but I’d maybe try not to expect too much. 

Can your Maid/Matron of Honor try to figure out what the deal with the food is?  I just think it’s best for the bride not to get involved with the shower.  They are hosting, so they get to decide how much they can afford.  I certainly think there should be food, but I think that it should be hashed out between them.  I’m afraid if you ask her, when she’s already touchy, it’s going to come across to her like you’re not being grateful and jsut asking them to spend more money.

Sorry.  Good luck.  Keep us posted.

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