Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
Wow, glad to know I’m not alone in the waiting game. My Boyfriend or Best Friend & I have been together for almost 4 years, I just turned 32 & he’ll be 34 soon. After hoping & unofficially waiting for about 2 years, something amazing happened. We were in Cabo for a friend’s wedding 2 weeks ago, he says to me, “I think it’s time to start ring shopping.” I was shocked & beyond happy. He is the ultimate planner, all ducks in a row, make sure even the smallest of purchases is the right & fully researched one, kind of guy.
Since then I have brought it up twice. The first time was basically, “Do you regret that comment about shopping?” He assured me he didn’t and he knows he will never find anyone more amazing than me & yes, he wants to take the next step. The second time was specifics about the actual buying process, i.e.: finding the right diamond, then picking the right setting, etc.
Nothing has been talked about since then. A week ago I thought within a couple of weeks we’d have made a purchase and we’d be engaged. I felt confident and had a sense of peace I hadn’t felt for months. I started researching and getting as much education as possible so that we can make an informed purchase. During which process I found this “Waiting” board. Now I’m feeling sad and confused. I didn’t realize this process could be so fraught with disappointment and feelings of uncertainty. Not sure if I’ll be able to stand waiting for weeks or months now. I don’t want to push, but I do want to start shopping, to move forward toward being married.
Do I say nothing and wait until he says “let’s go to the store”? Do I tell him when the local stores we talked about visiting are open and suggest we make a trip there? Do I ask him if I should put it out of my mind and wait for him to bring it up again? At 32 I’m feeling the reality of my “expiration date” and don’t want to waste more time waiting on something that could possibly not happen.
Sorry about the long post, but I feel stupid talking about this to even my closest friends.
Post # 3
wow I’d do anything for my man to say that to me, you lucky thing! I bet he is planning a surprise in a wonderful location. Sounds to me that he wants to do things right and is waiting for that special moment. Don’t be too disheartened and keep us informed. I’m happy for you. Keep visualisthat his ring on your finger 🙂
Post # 5
@KDOS: While my friends are more than sisters to me, I don’t bring some of this stuff up either. I just refuse to whine to them about something they’re not on the same page with.
It seems that he has made his decision on who he’ll be spending the rest of his life with! It doesn’t look like you have any reason to feel unsure about what he told you. Just realize that it took him 4 years to make a solid statement about marriage. Does he know that on average, it takes at least 2 months to get a ring, or the time it takes to plan a wedding? My SO thought you could get a custom ring in like 2 weeks… I wish! This isn’t necessarily asking for a timeline, but maybe letting him know the time it takes to get these things together might help him get his planning in gear.
And yes, you’re DEFINITELY not alone! My SO and I have been together for 6 years, and the first time we walked into a jewerly store together was this February, and it wasn’t even for ring shopping. The first time he ever suggested working on finding a ring was yesterday. It has taken some time to realize that for things to get moving he needs to be just as comfortable as I am.
Post # 6
Don’t feel stupid about your feelings in this matter…I totally understand the frustration and stress of waiting and feeling like you’re about to “expire”. I think it’s great that he brought it up first and that you have talked about it since. I think given that it’s only been what, a month or so since your Cabo trip and him initially bringing it up, you should continue to be patient and not push as of yet.
Since he is the type of guy who likes to be prepared and plan, it takes time to research what is in his price range, where to get the ring from, and how to propose.
Most guys don’t like to feel as though the ladies are taking all the surprise out of it, by continuously asking about when when when! I know I was on my bf’s case before a lot (there were a lot of factors that made me feel like we needed to be engaged asap). In the end I gave up on bringing it up and let him do his thing and during that time we ended up engaged. We had been talking about it for about 3-4 months seriously (of me putting the pressure on) and have been dating almost 4 years.
Perhaps if this is consuming your life (as it did mine) you can send him a pic of the style you like just as an FYI, and not bring it up again. For all you know he is out there checking out vendors for your perfect ring 🙂
It sounds as if you two are on the same page, so all you need to do is be patient a while longer. Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
I think since he brought it up to you, there’s no reason why you can’t make the first move to get him to the store.
On another note, hang in there girl! My guy is very similar to yours (plans everything very carefully with logical pros & cons). He’s ring shopping on his own right now and wont tell my ANYTHING. I don’t know when he’ll buy one, when he’ll propose, if he has a plan already of if he’s still just procrastinating. And trust me I know, it’s so frustrating, confusing, and dishearting at times. But I take comfort knowing that other girls on here are going through the same things and most of them end up happily engaged 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
Wow thank you ladies! Your encouraging words are so nice to read! My level of feeling crazy just came down several notches!
He did tell me that he definitely wants me there to pick it out so he can be sure I get exactly what I want. (I admit I’m a bit picky about the details on something I want. I once sent back the Clarisonic my mom got me for my B-Day because it was the wrong shade of pink.) I thought it was cute that he even mentioned that he found my Pinterest account in order to look at my ring pins for an idea of what I like. (didn’t even realized he knew that Pinterest was!)
Maybe I’m jumping the gun. The conversation in Cabo was on May 5th & I was out of town without him last weekend. I have been obsessing about rings since that day though, so it feels like much longer than that.
Perhaps I will suggest we to the store to look in person and if I sense any hesitation on his part I can tell him I’ll leave the topic alone until he is ready to bring it up again. Hopefully more on the side of proactive than pushy! 🙂
Post # 9
In my opinion, and I’ve made my SO understand that, it is a decision that affects both of us, and he should be able to have an adult conversation about it (as another bee so rightly said in another post). Seriously! What is that??? I understand that we shouldn’t ask them everyday “Are you ready now? and now? what about now?”, but we have the right to talk about the reasons why we want to be married, ask him why he is hesitant or why he would want to get married, etc. And when we are both ready, well we should be able to talk about when we are making that official, so we can say “WE talked and decided to get married” to our loved ones, instead of “Look, HE told me we could get married and here is the ring!”… You can read my post about feeling like a circus animal… some comments were very telling as well. Also, beforeigocrazy’s post about a poll on waiting is very interesting as well! Again, I understand the pressure thing, but seriously, hello, it is 2013, why should I wait in the dark and in silence while my SO makes this huge decision that concerns both of us???