(Closed) Feeling Inferior To FI

posted 6 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh it’s hard not knowing where you want to go.  But you are smart to go for a degree when you aren’t sure that it is going to help you in the long run.  Honestly, this is a problem for people who even have a degree.  I have a masters and my husband is working on his, he is making over double what I make and is on the fast track at his job.  I’m in a dead end job where I am basically a glorified secretary.

I think the two of you should look at your money and realistically see how things are split.  I know it doesn’t work for everyone but my husband and I share everything no matter who makes it.

I hope things go well with both of you.  Things at NASA aren’t the same as they once were but the situation isn’t as dire as the media makes it out to be.  They haven’t reduced their force much yet but it is possible in the future.

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

If you want to take your photography further, there are many ways you can do it.  I agree, going to school for photography probably wouldn’t be a great idea.  I am not sure what kind of studio you are working in, so maybe my advice won’t apply. I think you should find your favorite photographer in your area that has a successful business and inquire about being an assistant or securing an unpaid intern postion at their studio.  If you can assist a wedding photographer and do some shooting at a wedding, it would give you really great experience.  From there, shoot a couple of weddings for free or really cheap on your own to start building your own portfolio.  Then get a great website and start promoting your business!  Since you are only working part time now it would be a good chance in your life when you have the time to build your experience.  Also, if you take any class, take it in business.  And network like crazy.

Post # 7
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Talking to people is the hardest part to get over, especially in photography.  But, it keeps getting easier as you do it.  A lot of photographers are happy to mentor someone, if you take your position seriously.  If you are motivated and dedicated to being a photographer, you can earn a really decent living.  It is less expenssive these days too with everything being digital-it cuts your costs down in materials.  If you built yourself up over the next couple of years, you would probably be doing pretty well for yourself.  Unlike many other arts, there is often a need for photography.  And people are willing to pay.  Think of a wedding-all the time and money spent, and the only thing that will last from it is the memories-photos.  If you were to change your mind or weren’t successful, maybe by that time you would better know what you would like to do.  At that point, you wouldn’t have spent money on a degree you’d no longer be using so could get an education without feeling guilty about money wasted.  When you genuinely ask someone, you will be surprised how often people will say yes.  Learning from a professional photographer on your own is just as good as learning and paying for a professional photographer to teach you at a school.

ETA: Maybe if you want to be a stay at home mom getting a degree in childcare could be a good option.  Often community colleges have degrees in this field.  Then you could possibly have a daycare.

Post # 9
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Of course you could do it if you want to!  If you feel it is something you would love, give it a shot!  

Post # 10
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This may sound harsh…

“I get paid more than minimum wage, but it’s still a part time job. During holidays I get close to 40 hous a week, but then during down times I get only 10 or so.

I do not drive. Never got my license, hate the idea of driving because I don’t feel I can do it. I’m not great when I do go out.”



Not making much money is ok, and not knowing what you want to do at 21 is ok too.  I’m 29 and just figuring it out!!

 There are many, many ways that you can contribute to a household and marriage without bringing home a paycheck. You can take care of the house, manage bills and repairs, do the errand-running and grocery-shopping, etc. BUT, your Fiance sounds pretty driven and ambitious… he will probably want a “partner,” in your marriage, instead of having someone to take care of.  If you won’t drive to go to the grocery store, or run errands to help him focus on work/school, this may be something that could eventually cause some problems.  If you are constantly feeling like you can’t do something, that may cause frustration on his end, and further lack of confidence on yours. If he’s ok with you working part-time, then it’s ok to do that. But if you’re not in school, I think some of your feelings of inferiority might be coming from what appears to be a lack of contribution.

 If you’re not bringing home much money, needing to be driven around and not knowing what else to do with yourself, it’s totally normal for you to be lacking a bit of confidence.   I know you said you’re having a hard time with the “talking to people,” aspect of photography… I think you’re going to have to find a way to get over that, either through therapy or Toastmaster’s or something.  Maybe take a speech class at your community college, or just a photography class.  Make some contacts and maybe find a mentor for your photography. You said a photo degree won’t get you far, but you don’t really have anything to lose if you’re working part time most of the year anyway. 

 

Post # 11
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@bells219:  I agree, if your Fiance is going to graduate college with an amazing degree and work at at amazing job, he’s going to want and enjoy having his Fiance be “on his level” in terms of activities, hobbies, goals, etc. What do you want in life? Even if it’s seemingly ridiculous, shoot for the moon kinds of stuff, where do your interests take you? If it is photography, you have to get out there and take risks. When you guys talk about your days at the dinner table, you want to have exciting, new things to talk about!

I also think the first step should be to go get your license and gain more confidence in going out and driving. What if something happened, and you needed to get somewhere but your Fiance was at work? What if it was an emergency, and he needed to be picked up? You can’t be depending on him or others for something as basic as getting around quickly.

Post # 13
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@jymdrw:  

Glad you’re taking the advice well.  I know how lost you can feel in your early 20’s, and with a Fiance on such a driven path, it’s easy to settle into your life since (we think) he’ll make lots and lots of money in the future. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did the same exact thing in my first marriage and it didn’t turn out well for me.  

But the reality is, people change their major, things happen, and you need to have your own plan.  And as a PP said before, you have to have something to talk about at dinner!  He’ll come home all talkin’ about astrophysics and what not- you deserve something equally interesting to discuss.  Good luck, and come back to us with some ideas!

 

And go get your license 🙂

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