Post # 1
Fiance and I have been together for 4 years. The first year we were only “seeing” each other (ok, so we technically are together 3 years). In this time he had confided in me as a friend and told me how he really missed his ex and how he was into a particular look of a girl, short and thin. All his ex’s are under 5 foot and thin. Well, after about a year things took off for us and we became a couple. I had no issues about what he had previously told me about, until recently. I am about 5’4 1/2 and when I met Fiance I weighed about 220. I got down to 150 (thats when we started dating) and now I had gained about 50 pounds in the last 8 months. Partly due to lack of exercise and partly due to that I found out my thyroid is not functioning properly.
Now, I can’t get how he used to tell me how he liked little skinny girls out of my head. We also definitely didn’t have the whole spark thing when we first met (well he didnt anyway) and now I wonder if he only decided to date me after I lost the weight. He says he does not care about the weight and he loves me no matter what, but this is just not helping me. I told him how the things he told me in the past are effecting how I feel now and he does not think its fair. He says at one time he did like girls that looked like that, but not anymore.
Bees, am I being irrational here? I am not sure if he is really sincere or if I am just way insecure. We been arguing over this since the beginning of Feburary and I think he is really getting sick of it. But I just can’t help feeling unattractive. He has not said or acted in a way for me to feel this way, it’s just everything he said in the past coming back to haunt me.
Post # 3
I think this situation isn’t exactly fair to him. While he may have a type (short and thin), it’s totally possible to fall for someone outside that. It’s happened to me many times, that I felt attracted to a guy who wasn’t my type once I got to know his awesome personality. The same may have happened with your Fiance. I think you need to take a step back and try to love yourself and realize that your Fiance loves you (he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him otherwise!)
Post # 4
People change and so do their tastes. He clearly loves you and since he hasn’t shown any negative feelings toward your appearance i am sure it’s all in your head. He loves YOU! That’s why you’re getting married! I would stop feeling so insecure, I’m sure you’re a beautiful girl no matter what your size. Continuing to dwell on it can only hurt your relationship. He loves you and that’s all that matters!!!! 😀
Post # 5
I think it comes down to trust. You have to believe him when he says he loves you no matter what! He may be getting frustrated with the fact that the arguments are continuing , even though he has expressed his honest opinion. LIke you aren’t accepting of it. Him telling you you look fine won’t help, you have to learn to accept and love you and your body-regardless of the number on the scale!
Society has an evil way of giving you attention and special treatment when you are “thinner”, and because of that it is incredibly easy to become insecure. You are not alone!
Post # 6
He loves you for YOU!!
I can’t tell you the amount of times that I have fallen for a man who is NOTHING like I said my “type” was! My Fiance is nothing like what I thought I wanted and I’m so glad I found him!
If you are unhappy with yourself maybe try a gym membership to help you tone up and gain some self esteem! You are beautiful just the way you are!
Post # 7
I agree with PP’s, he loves you for YOU. I am sure when you were more healthy, you felt better about yourself as a whole. I know when I start letting myself go, I also queston my attractiveness to my Fiance ( he also is used to very petite/thin women– I am 5’8!)
Hang in there and you start to feel better about YOU, and the rest will fall into place.
Post # 8
I think most people have a preference.As get older a lot of things that we thought were important are not.If he says that he lives you regardless,believe him.Start exercising and work towards getting to a weight that you are comfortable at.I think this is more of a “me” issue than a “him” issue. I have been 50 lbs heavier and 50 lbs lighter than I am now.It’s nice when you are with someone that loves you for who you are.
Post # 9
Oh hun (( hugs )) I totally get how you feel. Even though it isn’t fair to you or him it is HARD to get things like that out of your head. Been there, done that. I have tortured myself over things he has told me about his past on and off our whole relationship. Don’t do it to yourself! Just rid yourself of the thoughts and be done with it. If you ever wanna chat PM me.
Post # 10
I agree he’s in a no win sitation here….he can’t take back what he said and you can’t forget it. I think it’s time you decide if you can let this go for good.
Post # 11
@fresitachulita: This. Also I would like to add perhaps you can talk to a therapist because unless you SO has given you reason to question his love or attraction to you then you are in fact your own worst enemy. Try slowly getting back into working out and see if you feel better.
Post # 12
I believe that he really loves you for you! Weight is just a physical aspect that can attract or not attract someone initially, but it’s the heart and soul of the person, regardless of their looks, that you fall in love with. Believe what he says that his preference has changed.
I’ll tell you a story that may help explain. I was single for awhile after my divorce a few years ago and I started going out. To my surprise, although I was in my mid-30’s at the time, men in their 20’s were the ones hitting on me more than anyone else (I look young for my age, also). I started being attracted to tall, athletic build, attractive young men and I had a wonderful time dating them, I won’t lie. However, last spring one night I was out and a man started talking to me. Although he was very attractive and athletic, I could tell right away that he was older than me, in his 40’s, and not the type I had been going out with (young and hot), he was more mature and professional looking. In fact, he even mentioned that he hoped he wasn’t too old for me. It turned out he was only 5 years older.
That man is now my Fiance and we’re getting married in the fall. I fell so much in love with him for who he is and not only his looks. That’s not to say that I don’t find him very attractive, because I do. And he is the love of my life. I would never in a million years be attracted to a young hot guy ever again, because my taste really has changed. And I’m sure your Fiance feels the same way, that he loves and adores you for yourself and would never be attracted to the other type again. I certainly hope you believe him. It would break my heart if my Fiance thought I was still attracted to someone in their 20’s because I am not. I love and want him and nobody else. So, please believe in your FI’s love, he asked you to marry him, not someone who fit his old type, he is way beyond that now. That is true love.
Post # 13
My Fiance mentioned to me that his normal “type” was a brunette with curves and a little meat on her bones. When I met him, I was blonde and super stick thin. So, yeah sometimes I think about what he said before we were a couple and wonder if I am a disappointment because I’m not his “type.”
Once I asked what he would think if I dyed my hair dark just to see what he would say. To my surprise, he actually said no and that I should not change anything about me because he loves me exactly the way I am.
As a PP stated, I do believe that a person’s “type” changes throughout life. People’s tastes change as they grow and mature.
Don’t be insecure hun! He loves you just the way you are! 🙂
Post # 14
@Tropicalbride: I’m confused, when you were seeing eachother that first year but not dating, did you have sex? If so then the weight is irrelevant
Even if he did start dating you when you lost the weight, your relationship is different now, he isn’t going to stop loving you because you put on some weight
Post # 15
My type is muscular and dark. My Fiance is tall, fairly skinny, pale and has a bad hair line. I love him so I think he’s really attractive and just don’t look at other guys. So what if you’re not his usual type. Maybe that’s why you’re the keeper!
Post # 16
I know how you feel because I’m rather insecure myself. When I was younger I struggled with AN (anorexia nervosa) so even though I’m now considered “recovered”, I’m super critical of myself and my weight since I suffer from such horrid dysmorphia. (I’m still going through therapy for it almost 7 years later)
Danny’s dated all shapes and sizes, but never anyone quite like me. They were either tall and VERY thin, or average. (5’4, 5’5 and of medium build) I’m 5’3 and according to others I’m thin with an hourglass figure. None of them have ever been tattooed and “artsy”, they’ve all just been normal girl-next-door sorts. When he and I first started dating, he did seem VERY attracted to me, but because I was so insecure I refused to believe it. I’d question him from time to time and go “how come you never dated anyone like me?” to which his answer would normally be “nobody as pretty as you would ever date me” (which I thought was a “safe answer” of course) but then one day he finally gave me an answer that shut me up. he said “because there’s nobody on the planet like you.”
Willing to bet your Fiance doesn’t see the flaws that you do. Willing to bet he just sees you, and there is nobody else in the world exactly like you.
Besides, tastes change, what I liked in high school (lol, frat boy jerks!) is NOTHING LIKE what I’m attracted to now. (tattooed artsy boys) don’t worry yourself too much. ^_^ He loves you.