- 6 years ago
I’m sorry, I just want to rant. I apologize for coming off as annoying or selfish in advance.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years officially. Add an extra year for “unofficially” being together. We take turns traveling but its become a point where I have to make the trips now because he isn’t so well off financially. My most recent visit to see him consisted with us spending time together and finally talking about marriage, a topic I usually have to twist his arm for because he never wants to talk about it. Although the talk was great, he doesn’t want to get engaged any time soon. I asked him if we could get engaged by our anniversary in March 2017, and he had this pained looked in his face and said it was still too soon. I’m very disheartened to be honest. I’ve worked so hard and put up with so much because its a long distance relationship. Its so lonely but I keep trying hard and I keep trying to have faith. I know I’m still young (24 years old), but I’m more than ready for our lives to start together. I’m very established. I have a degree, a good job, and although I live at home with family, I’m not in a situation in which I cannot live alone. Its not hard for me to leave, but for cultural reasons choose to stay at home until I get married. My boyfriend isn’t a dead beat. He’s educated and has a degree, however the economy took a slip for the worst and he’s underemployed. If we were married, I would be the breadwinner, and I know he has an issue with that. But it hurts, you know? After 3 long years of being seperated anyone would want to get married now. I’m tired of waking up alone, sharing birthdays and holidays through a video call, going to dinner with friends and I’m the only single one there… its a painful journey.
And I feel terrible for being jealous of my close friends and family and even the people I went to school with.
Everyone I know, since 2015 has been getting married or engaged. I should be happy for them, and I am, but I am also very bitter and jealous. I feel so jealous because while I’ve been working hard and waiting, and spending majority of my days alone, they didn’t have to do anything at all. Apparently all it takes is 6 – 12 months to get engaged. Some of them are financially stable, some of them not, and some of them are a mix of half stable and half not.
I’m feeling emotionally worn down because since thanksgiving 2015, I’ve been attending weddings left and right almost every 2 weeks (no joke) and almost every 3 days someone is getting engaged on my facebook. This week was the worst. A wedding 2 weeks ago, a wedding 4 days ago, a wedding today, and a wedding this sunday. I can’t help but want to crawl under rock and stay there forever.
I feel like he’ll never propose. His mother and I are very close, and while I was visiting 3 weeks ago, she made a comment to him, “Most women would have left after a year. Stop making her wait.” Although I appreciate her support, I feel like she made it harder on him to consider engagement.
I’m not asking for a lot. I don’t even want a large wedding. I just want to sign the marriage certificate and go to brunch with 20 of my closest friends and family.
I have some questions for you ladies out there. How long did it take before your SO proposed? And how long did it take before you got married? How long have you been married?
I’m sorry. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.