Post # 61
haha you’re incorrect. for one, neither one of us were trying to get pregnant at that junction in our lives and me trying to trap him is the farthest thing from the truth as i was looking for jobs in an entirely different state at the time.
yes i do have pics! i did talk to the jeweler when we went to pick out our bands about possibly modifying it but i guess because of the style it’s currently in short of just taking the diamond out and making earrings or something there’s nothing else that can really be done. i’ll leave it as it is for now and just save it, maybe one day i’ll wear it who knows
Post # 62
thank u! and great advice 🙂
Post # 63
just because u don’t understand it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. none of these things are red flags. in fact, many people coparent together happily and may chose never to marry and be together while some, like myself actually end up falling in love with their partner. And i do remember when he first told me when he loved me but up until that point like i said i don’t know if it was love or what bc he never showed anything but dedication. if you read any of my posts you’d see how i mentioned several times we aren’t in a rush to marry just to marry and we only are doing so now bc we want to be together forever. i’m sry if you can’t understand that 🤷♀️
Post # 64
The snagging on everything would really bother me. The ring itself just sounds impractical for every day use.
As far as the unromatic proposal, I get the disappointment, but maybe you could frame it in your mind like your fiance just really wanted to get engaged, and put more of a priority on doing it right then than planning something fancy?
Post # 65
ok, he didn’t say that but that was your impression. So he must have said or done something that caused you to think that? If it was his lack of romantic gestures, then that isn’t going to change with a proposal. I know that big and flashy doesn’t mean no effort at all but in your OP you implied he put no effort into the proposal as there wasn’t even a declaration of love. It seems like you’re rug sweeping with the issues at the beginning and how you feel about your proposal.
If you aren’t happy with the ring, then talk to him. He might get upset because it’s a family ring but he should be open to getting something you want, something that is more practical.
Post # 66
As far as the proposal I wouldn’t be concerned that it wasn’t as romantic as you wanted. My husband proposed in the most normal way it didn’t even feel like a proposal lol. I looked a mess, was going through a depressive episode, and was bawling my eyes out because I got laid off. He proposed in that moment with his mother’s ring (which I didn’t want, not my style at all) nothing went the way I envisioned. But you know what, it was the thought behind it. The fact that I felt really down at the time and he still wanted to marry me was all that mattered. As far as the ring I told him I appreciated the thought but I wanted a ring that felt like me. He was a little offended at first but understood where I was coming from. We went ring shopping together and got a ring that I love. Try telling your fiancé in a way that won’t make him feel bad. Point out that you would like a style that’s more suited to your taste and won’t snag on things.
Post # 67
Hubby and my best friends were getting married. After a double date one evening, in the car on the ride home, he says, “When are we gonna do it?” I questioned do what? That was my proposal. Then came the ring. We both worked at the same company and times were really bad, so both of us had to take a 20% pay cut. Obviously the dreams of the ring I wanted were slashed. We went to a jeweler and picked it out together, I settled for something we could afford and when it came in from being sized, he picked it up and brought it home and said “here.” 38 years later, 4 kids and still very happy. My children have given him such a hard time over the year reguarding his proposal and I think it left a mark on them. The three girls all told their Bf’s about it and were given the most beautiful proposals and my son did an awesome job with his. The point being the love we have given each other through the years is what’s most important. We could afford any ring I want now, but it’s no longer even on my list.
Post # 69
OP, it sounds like your subconscious is telling something. It really isn’t about the ring or the proposal. You know you’ll always be disappointed by big and small things with this guy. No matter all you do, being the breadwinner, homemaker and intimate partner, giving him children, being the most devoted girlfriend etc. You stomached low expectations just like he stomached being with you. That’s sad. Can you really live like this for the rest of your life? Would be happy to see your daughter with someone who behaves exactly like he does?
I recommend Chrissie and Paris Milan YouTube channels.
Post # 70
You put the stomaching comment in quotes, so it was a bit confusing. it’s seems like you’re trying to quote him.
About a year into our relationship we were in a pretty rough spot due to him wanting to break up with me and deciding instead to just “stomach me” instead.
And just to add, the mod in question is not neutral at all in many threads, so I’m glad that she’s being reviewed.