Feeling Let Down by Proposal

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 64
Member
2423 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The snagging on everything would really bother me. The ring itself just sounds impractical for every day use.

 

As far as the unromatic proposal, I get the disappointment, but maybe you could frame it in your mind like your fiance just really wanted to get engaged, and put more of a priority on doing it right then than planning something fancy?

Post # 65
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
@fianced2020:  ok, he didn’t say that but that was your impression. So he must have said or done something that caused you to think that? If it was his lack of romantic gestures, then that isn’t going to change with a proposal. I know that big and flashy doesn’t mean no effort at all but in your OP you implied he put no effort into the proposal as there wasn’t even a declaration of love. It seems like you’re rug sweeping with the issues at the beginning and how you feel about your proposal.

If you aren’t happy with the ring, then talk to him. He might get upset because it’s a family ring but he should be open to getting something you want, something that is more practical.

Post # 66
Member
15 posts
Newbee

As far as the proposal I wouldn’t be concerned that it wasn’t as romantic as you wanted. My husband proposed in the most normal way it didn’t even feel like a proposal lol. I looked a mess, was going through a depressive episode, and was bawling my eyes out because I got laid off. He proposed in that moment with his mother’s ring (which I didn’t want, not my style at all) nothing went the way I envisioned. But you know what, it was the thought behind it. The fact that I felt really down at the time and he still wanted to marry me was all that mattered. As far as the ring I told him I appreciated the thought but I wanted a ring that felt like me. He was a little offended at first but understood where I was coming from. We went ring shopping together and got a ring that I love. Try telling your fiancé in a way that won’t make him feel bad. Point out that you would like a style that’s more suited to your taste and won’t snag on things.

Post # 67
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Hubby and my best friends were getting married. After a double date one evening, in the car on the ride home, he says, “When are we gonna do it?” I questioned do what? That was my proposal. Then came the ring. We both worked at the same company and times were really bad, so both of us had to take a 20% pay cut. Obviously the dreams of the ring I wanted were slashed. We went to a jeweler and picked it out together, I settled for something we could afford and when it came in from being sized, he picked it up and brought it home and said “here.” 38 years later, 4 kids and still very happy. My children have given him such a hard time over the year reguarding his proposal and I think it left a mark on them. The three girls all told their Bf’s about it and were given the most beautiful proposals and my son did an awesome job with his. The point being the love we have given each other through the years is what’s most important. We could afford any ring I want now, but it’s no longer even on my list. 

Post # 69
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

OP, it sounds like your subconscious is telling something. It really isn’t about the ring or the proposal. You know you’ll always be disappointed by big and small things with this guy. No matter all you do, being the breadwinner, homemaker and intimate partner, giving him children, being the most devoted girlfriend etc. You stomached low expectations just like he stomached being with you. That’s sad. Can you really live like this for the rest of your life? Would be happy to see your daughter with someone who behaves exactly like he does?

I recommend Chrissie and Paris Milan YouTube channels.

Post # 70
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

 

 

You put the stomaching comment in quotes, so it was a bit confusing. it’s seems like you’re trying to quote him. 

About a year into our relationship we were in a pretty rough spot due to him wanting to break up with me and deciding instead to just “stomach me” instead.

And just to add, the mod in question is not neutral at all in many threads, so I’m glad that she’s being reviewed.  

 

 

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