- 6 years ago
(EDIT: Did not realize how effing long this was, sorry! Word vomit!)
I hate to be this person… but I just need to know some other people’s opinions on this.
J is brilliant. And I mean brilliant. He’s driven, motivated, analytical, and achieving. He has brilliant parents who have pushed him to excel at academics, and put everything else on the back burner. To the point where they tell him they’re disappointed if he’s not on Dean’s List every semester. He’s an Aerospace Engineer, maintains a super high GPA, and because of that, does about 40 hours of homework a week. He’s currently doing an extended internship for a top aerospace company, and will graduate next winter. I’m so proud of him. 🙂
I, on the other hand, did just okay in school, I’ve worked full time all through college, and will graduate in December. I’ve paid my entire way through college, and I’m really excited about no student loans! I’m almost done with my Bachelor’s in Liberal Studies (which, I’ll define off Wiki because no one knows what it is. “Bachelor of Liberal Studies degree is to provide students with a solid multidisciplinary preparation in the Humanities, Natural Sciences, Social Sciences and the Arts” ) It’s a pretty “well rounded” and general major. I switched majors 4 or 5 times, before deciding I was not even close to knowing what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So, I just picked a degree that I could play around with, and I’m very happy with it. I just want to graduate!!
I recently quit my full time management job, and started my own (super small, for now) business. I’m designing and managing websites for a few companies in my city. The business happened by accident, but I’m having fun with what I’m doing for now, and we’ll see what the future holds. I always figured I would job hop until I find something I love.
J is SUPER critical (of himself, and others.) He holds himself to this super high standard, and expects other people to live up to that standard as well. I just feel really judged and looked down on by him when it comes to the whole “future career” and academic side of our lives. He told me today that my major was basically worthless, and college was a waste of money and time for me. And if we have kids, he’s not allowing them to get the same BA degree as me. That he’d rather them just not go to college and save money if they weren’t going to get a “real degree.” Oh, yeah, and they must maintain at least a 3.6GPA. (WTF? I’ve never in my life had a 3.6!)
He always says stuff like “he’s concerned for my future, since I don’t have a plan in life.” It’s like he would rather have someone more like him. It’s just like sometimes, when he looks at me, I feel SO JUDGED. And like he’s so much better than me. Like I’m not “Suzy Straight-A Academic” so he’s doesn’t think like I’m as educated as him. He always thinks he’s right in an argument, and he just has a way of making me feel like an idiot if my opinion differs from his. Like I’ll say something, and he’ll be like, “You’re wrong because of this, this, and this. I read X number of books on it, and Einstein is my BFF.”
Don’t get me wrong, most of our relationship is great. Pretty much every other aspect we’re fine in. But I don’t want to marry someone that I feel like I have to prove myself to. He just has a way of making me feel two feet tall. To the point where I end up in tears, because I’m just proud of myself for being about to graduate, and he makes my degree/lack of career path feel so worthless.
And tonight, he was saying the stuff about my degree, and I said something like, “We’re doing things differently. You’re doing X and I’m doing Y, and there’s nothing wrong with either of them.” And he goes on to say, “we’ll if you had done what I’m doing, I think you would be more successful, and would have graduated college in already and had a career field and won a Nobel Prize” (I’m exaggerating, but you get it.)
Anyone else have a crazy critical, high standards SO that you feel like you can’t “live up to?” How do you deal?
Thanks for reading… I felt like my head was going to explode if I didn’t word blurt.