(Closed) Feeling left out by friends

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 1
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hi Bees,

I know I don’t really post here that often, but I do read posts on here a lot and you always give such great advice. In advance, I’m really sorry if I sound like an insecure teenager but here goes:

I got married in July 2011, and since I got engaged, I’ve noticed that my single friends (especially the ones who were bridesmaids in my wedding), have become closer to each other. It doesn’t bother me that they are friends, but I’ve noticed recently that they will do things together and don’t include me in their plans. This has happened with 3 friends from my hometown (who live in the same city that I work in) and 2 friends from college (who also live in the same city that I work in.) The reason I feel hurt is that whenever I initiate plans with both groups, I always make an effort to include everyone in the group because I don’t want anyone to feel left out.

I know that they aren’t required to include me in everything, because it would be ridiculous for me to demand that they do, because they have their own lives too, but I can’t help feeling left out. I know this may be in my head, but I’m just afraid of losing them as friends. Anyone else ever feel this way? I know I may spend more time with my husband since we are married, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t value my friendships and will always make the time for them.

Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

When a major life-event occurs, it’s natural for friend groups to reorganize. Now that you’re married and (I presume) your bridesmaids are not, they might assume you have plans with your husband or wouldn’t necessarily want to do the same things they want to do.

As long as they still return your phone calls and emails, I wouldn’t worry about losing the friendships, but it may be also time for you to branch out and find some friends that echo your station in life right now: young and married. Maybe couples you and your new husband can hang out with together?

Post # 4
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@thirdtimebride:  Thanks so much for your reply. Luckily for us, a lot of my husband’s friends are married or in serious relationships, so it’s nice to have them to go out with. You’re right though, I really need to make more of an effort to make new friends that are in the same stage in life. I just wish sometimes that more of my friends were at the same stage in life 🙁

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

But think of it this way: when they do get married, you’ll be the trail-blazer that they can go to for support 🙂

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