(Closed) Feeling "leftover"

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I went through a similar thing except the engagement was largely theoretical. It eventually came. Just try not to get into fights over it or it will lose some magic when he finally asks.

Post # 3
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

Women are not leftovers, regardless of what age- if ever- they marry! These outdated notions are foolish and derogatory, why would you place even a tiny bit of stock in that sweetie?

Whether you get married next month or next fall, it sounds like you have a guy who adores you and plans on proposing! I know it’s hard to be patient when you’re surrounded by people getting engaged and having bachelorettes etc, but there’s actually a name for that, it’s called ‘reticular activation’….which means things around you haven’t actually changed (as in there really aren’t an unusual amount of proposals and weddings etc), but your awareness and perception of them have. Just like a woman who’s trying to get pregnant will see babies in strollers and pregnant women everywhere and notice the diaper commercials on TV, it’s not that there’s a sudden population explosion of babies, it’s that her awareness of all things baby has heightened. Hang in there (((((hugs)))))


Post # 4
101 posts
Blushing bee

I am also on the same boat as in my SO is insanely busy this year. I was really hoping he would ask last Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day OR my April birthday and no such luck. Soooo now I’m trying to just get it out of my head because I know he has so much going on the rest of the year that I just can’t expect it. We have a few weddings to go to ourselves so hopefully that will spark him in the right direction ha. Wishful thinking!!

But just like @mediatourist said.. try not to fight about it. I am doing the same thing. Just enjoy how things are now and the fun times together. That’s all you can really do!

Post # 6
418 posts
Helper bee

leftover?? seriously? i’m just over 30 and I def don’t feel like that at all.. I have been with my SO for over 4 years.  Life is not a competition.  When things happen in your own relationship is when they are meant to happen.  I do understand the feeling of wanting that next step, but focusing on it will only make it more stressful and wont allow you to enjoy the moment and the current status of your relationship.

All those younger bachelorette parties are out because most older brides don’t have the same bachelorette parties.  As my friends have been getting older there is a shift from bachelorettes at the bar to wine tastings/tours, at home parties or somekind of class or activity rather than going out to act trashy at the bar and spending the next day feeling like death in bed.

Post # 7
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

there are so many more important things in life than getting married. Most of my friends aren’t married and they are very happy. Whether or not you are with someone and have made it “official” shouldnt define who you are no matter what age. I Got a bit sad reading this…..

Post # 8
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it is so disappointing to hear and read that women still define “some” of their success with getting married etc.  Own who you are — and be happy with who you are — at any stage in life.  The grass is always greener and if we covet what others have, then we loose the integrity of who we are…  that’s just my 2cents —  

I am in my early 40s and I’m getting married for the 1st time.  It never phased me to the point of feeling bad about myself that I wasn’t married — but, I’ve always had a healthy sense of self — and I’ve never fallen for fads or peer pressure to “fit in”… 

So – I hope you’re able to own what stage in life you are currently in… and “if” you marry or don’t marry believe me it’s NOT the end of the world.  Be happy where you are…  

Don’t give a “sugar honey iced tea” what other people think…especially busy bodies who compare and dissect women… 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  Breauxlin.
Post # 9
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

zippy85:  Just try and remember to be thankful that you have a proposal on the horizon… Imagine being in your early 30’s and single with no prospects. That is my nightmare….

Post # 11
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Not to be mean, but I don’t understand why you’re whining when he already said a proposal is coming. Are you sure you’re getting married for the right reasons? As said above, it’s sad that there are women who would tie their level of self-worth to the ability to find a husband by a certain age.  You’re also insulting many older single women in the process.

Post # 12
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Being married by [whatever age] is not something in itself to be proud of. Is your relationship with your SO strong, mature, balanced, happy? THAT is something to be proud of.


I just had to get that out. Sorry.

Post # 14
69 posts
Worker bee

You already have someone!  You should be happy!

I have some friends that can tell you exactly what the word “leftover” means cuz of the beliefs in their cultures. Their families routinely made them feel worthless because they weren’t married by a certain age.  You probably wouldn’t even believe some of the stories they’ve told me.

Just be happy you at least have someone who plans to marry you. 

Post # 15
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I would agree with the posters who say that the quality of your relationship is more important than the legality of it. But! I totally get where you are coming from! In my culture, if you are unmarried by 25, you are an old maid! It’s kind of ridiculous when I think about it, but I was raised with those beliefs and they affected me emotionally. So I got really upset when my 24th birthday came around and I didn’t get the ring! 

Can you tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend that it’s really important for you to be married soon, and you don’t need a custom ring? That might speed things up.

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