Post # 1
I read some article somewhere recently that said in other cultures, unmarried women after the age of 25-27 are considered “leftover”.
Ugh, I know it doesn’t make sense, but my heart sank when I read that.
Fast forward to last weekend — we’re out with a few friends and we counted *19* bachelorette parties. None of those girls looked over than 27.
I’m going to be 30 this year and I have started to feel so awful. I’ve been told the proposal is coming this summer, and he was asking for ring advice from his family in April — but I’m beginning to lose hope now. He has a number of commitments between now and the end of July… and he is slooooow to get his act together… not because he is dragging his feet, but because of budget, time, and general lack of organization skills/failure to plan. (I know he’ll want to do something custom, and that takes time!)
I thought my engagement might come as early as June, but now it looks like it’ll be late July-August, maybe even September.
Hanging in there…….
Post # 2
I went through a similar thing except the engagement was largely theoretical. It eventually came. Just try not to get into fights over it or it will lose some magic when he finally asks.
Post # 3
Women are not leftovers, regardless of what age- if ever- they marry! These outdated notions are foolish and derogatory, why would you place even a tiny bit of stock in that sweetie?
Whether you get married next month or next fall, it sounds like you have a guy who adores you and plans on proposing! I know it’s hard to be patient when you’re surrounded by people getting engaged and having bachelorettes etc, but there’s actually a name for that, it’s called ‘reticular activation’….which means things around you haven’t actually changed (as in there really aren’t an unusual amount of proposals and weddings etc), but your awareness and perception of them have. Just like a woman who’s trying to get pregnant will see babies in strollers and pregnant women everywhere and notice the diaper commercials on TV, it’s not that there’s a sudden population explosion of babies, it’s that her awareness of all things baby has heightened. Hang in there (((((hugs)))))
Post # 4
I am also on the same boat as in my SO is insanely busy this year. I was really hoping he would ask last Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day OR my April birthday and no such luck. Soooo now I’m trying to just get it out of my head because I know he has so much going on the rest of the year that I just can’t expect it. We have a few weddings to go to ourselves so hopefully that will spark him in the right direction ha. Wishful thinking!!
But just like @mediatourist said.. try not to fight about it. I am doing the same thing. Just enjoy how things are now and the fun times together. That’s all you can really do!
Post # 5
I have a great job and hobbies and a great family and I’m interesting… I cook and clean…. LOL
I honestly don’t know why I’m not married yet.
Post # 6
leftover?? seriously? i’m just over 30 and I def don’t feel like that at all.. I have been with my SO for over 4 years. Life is not a competition. When things happen in your own relationship is when they are meant to happen. I do understand the feeling of wanting that next step, but focusing on it will only make it more stressful and wont allow you to enjoy the moment and the current status of your relationship.
All those younger bachelorette parties are out because most older brides don’t have the same bachelorette parties. As my friends have been getting older there is a shift from bachelorettes at the bar to wine tastings/tours, at home parties or somekind of class or activity rather than going out to act trashy at the bar and spending the next day feeling like death in bed.
Post # 7
there are so many more important things in life than getting married. Most of my friends aren’t married and they are very happy. Whether or not you are with someone and have made it “official” shouldnt define who you are no matter what age. I Got a bit sad reading this…..
Post # 8
I think it is so disappointing to hear and read that women still define “some” of their success with getting married etc. Own who you are — and be happy with who you are — at any stage in life. The grass is always greener and if we covet what others have, then we loose the integrity of who we are… that’s just my 2cents —
I am in my early 40s and I’m getting married for the 1st time. It never phased me to the point of feeling bad about myself that I wasn’t married — but, I’ve always had a healthy sense of self — and I’ve never fallen for fads or peer pressure to “fit in”…
So – I hope you’re able to own what stage in life you are currently in… and “if” you marry or don’t marry believe me it’s NOT the end of the world. Be happy where you are…
Don’t give a “sugar honey iced tea” what other people think…especially busy bodies who compare and dissect women…
Post # 9
zippy85: Just try and remember to be thankful that you have a proposal on the horizon… Imagine being in your early 30’s and single with no prospects. That is my nightmare….
Post # 10
gelaine22: Breauxlin: agree 100% with both of you!
Post # 11
Not to be mean, but I don’t understand why you’re whining when he already said a proposal is coming. Are you sure you’re getting married for the right reasons? As said above, it’s sad that there are women who would tie their level of self-worth to the ability to find a husband by a certain age. You’re also insulting many older single women in the process.
Post # 12
Being married by [whatever age] is not something in itself to be proud of. Is your relationship with your SO strong, mature, balanced, happy? THAT is something to be proud of.
LIFE DOES NOT END AT 30! BEING SINGLE IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE!
I just had to get that out. Sorry.
Post # 13
LOL, yes I am getting married “for the right reasons”.
And I don’t mean to insult anyone. This is how I feel. To me, I would have liked to have been married by now.
Post # 14
You already have someone! You should be happy!
I have some friends that can tell you exactly what the word “leftover” means cuz of the beliefs in their cultures. Their families routinely made them feel worthless because they weren’t married by a certain age. You probably wouldn’t even believe some of the stories they’ve told me.
Just be happy you at least have someone who plans to marry you.
Post # 15
I would agree with the posters who say that the quality of your relationship is more important than the legality of it. But! I totally get where you are coming from! In my culture, if you are unmarried by 25, you are an old maid! It’s kind of ridiculous when I think about it, but I was raised with those beliefs and they affected me emotionally. So I got really upset when my 24th birthday came around and I didn’t get the ring!
Can you tell your Boyfriend or Best Friend that it’s really important for you to be married soon, and you don’t need a custom ring? That might speed things up.