Post # 1
Our Rsvp deadline passed this week and we had to track down a large number of FHs family. They all said they were not coming, cause they couldnt take time off of work, etc.
I totally understand this, but another cousin got married in march and everyone in the family took off nearly a week to go travel and hang out with the fam and whatever instead of just going for the wedding weekend. Most people were there from wednesday or thursday through monday.
they knew about our wedding date before said cousin even got engaged (they had a very short engagement, we had a slightly longer one) so it bums me out that they couldn’t have budgeted out even one day of travel that they put toward the other wedding to come to ours.
i know they’re adults and they can do whatever they want its just a huge bummer that so many people wont be there. and they didnt even RSVP. we had to to email them all after the deadline date to get them to at least TELL US they werent coming 🙁
Post # 3
It was rude for people to have ignored the deadline.
Try not to be hurt by them not attending. What could be happening here is that his family just isn’t close. When we first started planning, my FH and I had a couple of talks about my family. My family is bigger than his – my mom has 5 siblings, my dad has 6, whereas his mom has 1, his dad has 2. But just because my family is bigger doesn’t mean I have super close relationships with all of these people. I am closer to some of my aunts and uncles than others. I told him we could expect that those I’m closest to will definitely attend (and they are) and those that aren’t will decline and potentially not do so before the deadline. His family has a nearly 100% showing. I am not at all surprised/hurt that half of my family members will not attend, it’s just how my family is. I’ve learned that blood doesn’t define relationships. You have to have an emotional connection built over time.
So I guess my question is: Is he bothered by the high number of declines?
Post # 4
I would feel bumbed too. Missing the deadline, than tracking down these people only to hear a No would piss me off. I understand that they all pretty much just saw each other for an extended period of time, and sometimes it’s easier to get off in March, vs. Summer for work, but it does suck.
I guess this means you can invite more friends?
Post # 5
I’m worried about the same thing happening with our wedding. FI is from Minnesota, I’m from Ontario and the wedding is in Florida. He has said (without even talking to any family members/friends) that no one will come from his side except his parents and one aunt and uncle if the wedding is not in Minnesota. I’m really worried that it will be all my family there, but there is nothing I can do.
Post # 6
@remijp: yes he is. especially since the family is REALLY close! Thats why they all took so much time off for that other wedding. they all are scattered across the country (no two individual families out of 5 live in the same state) so when they get together, they try to spend a lot of time together.
I just thought that because they knew there were going to be two weddings, they could have spent a couple days at the first oneand know they could see everyone again a few months later
and FH is really disappointed. it sucks to watch. many of my cousins declined but I barely know them. For him, they are close…
Post # 7
@radishtime: That IS a bummer! 🙁 It might take some time to heal from this disappointment, but I’m sure you guys will end up focusing on all the people who are able to make the trip and will have a lovely wedding regardless of the missing people. Potential bright side: room to invite more friends last minute?
Post # 8
@radishtime: I can relate. Same thing happened to my fiance. I feel so bad for him. My whole huge family is going to be there and very little of his. We are getting married in NC and alot of his extended family is in NJ. I”ve never met any of them. They have never once came to NC to visit but always said they would when he got married. Well, he is getting married now and every single one of them rsvpd no. His mom and dad are really disappointed but it can’t be helped. The wedding is in 2 weeks so we are just focusing on the people that will be there. I’m trying so hard in these final few weeks to just focus on the things I can control and let the other stuff go…easier said that done though, I know 🙂
Post # 9
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. We went through the SAME thing with our wedding last month. I moved two states away from where I grew up and we live in my Darling Husband hometown (luckily still 20 minutes away from the inlaws). My family flew in from FIVE different states to spend our special day with us. DH’s fathers side all lives within ONE hour of us. Of the seven aunts/uncles and married cousins we invited only two couples showed up. Many didn’t even send back their RSVPs even after kindly reminding them. We had a plated meal so if they didn’t reply by a certain date, they wouldn’t have a meal.
One of his 18 year old cousins had a hillbilly trashy wedding and they had over 200 people show up and of course all the DH’s family was there…whatever I guess. His family was upset that we were having a NICE wedding and not a “camo and blue jean wedding” but they didn’t pay for a penny so I didn’t really care. Ok, off my soap box about that haha!
Darling Husband and I were pretty bummed but at the time not that surprised because like I said, his dads side is a little off. We just said it’s their loss for not coming! It opened up seats so we could invite a few more friends from college. We ended up having 90 people attend the wedding and everything went perfect! Your wedding is YOUR day! Now you may be upset about those that won’t make it but when you’re up at the head table make sure to look at all the guests that DID make it and are so happy to be celebrating with you!