Post # 1
Soooo today I got an invoice of the cost if 225 guests show up for the wedding… OMG. This is just for the venue (wedding and reception and pretty all-inclusive), but still doesn’t include photo, florist, dj, transportation. In the beginning, I didn’t tell my mom “you can only inclite 150 people”… though in hindsight I probably should have. I was trying to consider the fact that I’m the only daughter and the family is big. I REALLY wanted to stay on budget, but her/dad’s list alone has 200… HUH can I invite anyone here? Needless to say, the list is at 265. She insists “not everyone is coming” but I’d hate to assume only a 75% RSVP… assuming is never a good look. I don’t really know what to do at this point. We still have to buy flights (4 tickets) to the location plus the 5 nights of hotel and not all the deposits are paid in full yet. My parents are contributing 1/2 the original budget which is awesome, but that might just be enough to handle their guests. I can’t handle the guilt or stress of this with everything else that going on right now. Not sure I can cut ANYTHING else out the budget. Everything hinges on the RSVPs now… BOOOOO! I’m trying not to cry because that’s not me, but I feel like breaking down (can’t pull out my hair, I’ve worked hard on growing it out for the wedding!)
Post # 3
Have invites already been sent out? If not I would figure out what the ideal guest size would be for your budget, and from there figure out how many people your parents can have while leave room for your people and Father-In-Law family. After that ask your mom to cut down her list to the most important in that size. You can always use a B-List if more people RSVP no.
If there’s no way to cut it down, breathe! it’ll be ok. It looks like there’s travelling involved? My DHs fam and all our friend were from the opposite side of the country, so we had a much lower rsvp yes rate than 75%.
Post # 4
If the invites have not been sent out yet, you need to do some list cutting. Since your parents are paying for half, they should get a signifiant amount. You have to decide what that cutoff is with both of them, but be firm. Is Fiance family contributing? Do you have lots of friends coming?
Cuts definitely need to be made or you are going to have a breakdown because there are lots of last minute expenses you’re probably not even going to consider until they pop up.
Post # 5
Make your mom make a 65 person B-List from her list. Tell them that, if she’s right and 75% of people say they aren’t coming, then all of the B-List will be invited. If she resists, let her know that it’s about money and if she wants to have everyone on the A-List, she’s welcome to pay for the extra guests.
Post # 6
200 people is a crazy amount of people, to me, for a parent to be able to invite to a party that isn’t even celebrating them. Do you even know all of those people? I think you should make some serious cuts, especially if they aren’t paying for the whole thing!
Post # 7
I thought my parent were going overboard but that takes the cake. I agree with britishbroccoli.
Post # 8
Save the dates have been sent out, but the invites don’t go out until the beginning of April. FH and I talked with “our people” before we even sent those out. My mom wanted to let EVERYONE know and whittle it down later “it’s good etiquette”. We chatted last night and I told her to please review her list and get back to me.
FH’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, but can’t contribute directly as much because they have to fly and pay for 5 nights of hotel and pay for those same things for his grandparents (total will probably be about 75% of what my parents are paying).
We don’t have a ton of friends coming, but they have all committed and booking flights. 200 people from my parents list includes both sides of the family (mom is 1 of 9) and some of their friends. FH and I’s list includes his family and our friends. So I guess saying “my parents’ list” is not exactly true.
I think that answers everyone’s questions. I just hate conflict and don’t want to fight my mom with this. Also writing the check breaks my heart, not my bank. ahhhhhhh
Post # 9
I agree with PP, you need to cut the guestlist. Tell your mom that she can invite only XXX number of people and let her cut the list however she wants. She gets a say in the guestlist because she’s contributing, but that doesn’t mean she can invite the vast majority of guests and force you to go overbudget.
Post # 10
For some reason I feel like this is all my fault since I tend to put others needs and feelings above my own. I’m frugal (cheap sounds really bad), but was going to suck it up, but it’s affecting me more than I anticipated. I need put on my big girl panties and stand up for myself… but it’s so freaking hard.
By the way, I did not include in the budget the honeymoon, which I have already paid for. I think that alone (not FH) I have already written checks totaling near what my parents are contributing and we still have to finish paying…